Done_With_It

Suggestions for helping yourself relieve backlash:


*Remind yourself of the here and now. This is (fill in current date). Remind yourself of how old your body is, and that you have lots of capabilities and knowledge.

*If you are "hearing" messages that are threatening you, belittling you, or frightening you — talk back. Don't think of it as talking back to yourself or yourselves, but as talking back to the people who put the messages in your head. You don't need to think of specific perpetrators or even be able to remember specific perpetrators. You can just talk to the unfairness that people sometimes put hurtful messages into people's minds, including yours.

*Do things that help you connect to your body. Rub your arms and legs. Stamp your feet. Move your mind slowly from the tip of your toes to the top of your head, noticing every place your body touches the world around you and where you body touches itself. Now move your mind from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. Remember to breathe — visualize your tension flowing out with your breath. Take some breaths and blow out the air with a little force behind it. Walk around. Alternately tense and relax your muscles.

*Be sure you have fluids and nutrition on board. Stress uses energy and you need to be refueled. It is best to avoid caffeine and alcohol. Herb tea is a great substitute if you want something other than water. Concentrate on each step of the tea making. Imagine that you are honoring each step of the process. Before you drink the tea, hold the warm cup in your hands and breathe in the fragrance. Remember that the earth provides us with a multitude of kindnesses and comforts.

*Check in with yourself or selves. If you are multiple, ask after other selves specifically. Nurture each other. Share the burden. Take turns experiencing the "topmost" consciousness. If you are not multiple, check in with your inner child. Affirm that you have one, even if that doesn't seem real or "safe" — ask yourself, "If a child had been through a stressful new experience that was both exciting and a little scary, what would the child need to feel safe and reassured?" Then do your best to provide it for yourself.

*Do a reality check about or with your loved ones. Remember, they really are not less safe just because you have gotten some validation for your circumstances. If you do not have loved ones at this time, remind yourself of the community of survivors you are a part of, especially that many survivors have safely disclosed and healed.

*If you experience muscle cramps when you have PTSD, soak in a warm bath or soak your feet in a pan of warm water. It can be additionally soothing to add a cup of baking soda to your bath, or a pot of strong-brewed fragrant herbal tea or bath beads. Massage yourself or share a massage with someone you trust. It's fine to leave all your clothes on, if you prefer.

*Express your feelings through drawing, writing or talking.

*If you have a pet, a child or a stuffed toy friend, connect with them. See them and hold them.

*If you have a surge of anxiety you can alleviate some of the biochemical stress through exercise. Gauge your exercise to your usual state of fitness. If you are currently fragile or disabled, concentrate on isometric exercises or your usual physical therapy. If possible, take a walk in a safe area. If you are physically fit, it can help to do some strenuous exercise, followed by a shower. Feel the water flowing over your body.

*Prayer, meditation or self-guided visualizations can be life-savers. If your mind keeps wandering or blanking out, gently begin at the beginning and move yourself into the prayer or visualization. Each time you start you should be able to get a little further. Be self-forgiving and self-accepting. If you have trouble, remember that the practice helps you learn to calm yourself and associate to your own thoughts and motives.

*Realize that you've been "here" before and that it will pass. Visualize moving yourself into the space (the sense of being) where it is past.

*If you are experiencing persistent suicidal thoughts and feelings, call for help!

*Remember the words to inspiring songs you might know. It can help to sing them and remember the feeling you had in the group, if you felt connected and recognized. If you had difficulty during group participation, give yourself gentleness and understanding for how hurt and vulnerable you are.

Calming Visualization


Ever since I was a small child, I used the Twenty-Third Psalm as a meditative visualization. I pictured every step of the prayer, making the concepts of safety and belonging as real to myself as I could, beginning at the beginning every time I got "lost." You might use something similar for yourself. I've included an example, but remember that it is just a suggestion for helping you to feel better — if it makes you feel worse, it is just not right for you. Remember, you are not bad or evil.

Love is my shepherd — I can call on my loving to care for myself.

Love leads me to beauty and comfort. It shows me the generous Earth that is my planet.

I can visualize green pastures, still waters, sunshine, trees and flowers. Their beauty can restore my soul.

I am following in the path of healing for my sake and for the sake of the children of the world.

Even as I pass through the darkest moments, when I feel most alone,
there are others who travel alongside me.

My inner strength is growing and joining with theirs, and we are slowly making changes for the better.

I belong in life. I can survive. Others have healed, and I can too, for my inner self belongs to me alone — I can choose who to share my life with, and I can determine the destination of my soul.

Copyright © Caryn Stardancer