QU31

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on the mental health forum, but I need all the advice I can get right now! Over the weekend, my fiance, whom I love very much, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after being laid off and becomming depressed. In a sense, I am relieved because I have suspected this for a long time. He is in the hospital now where he is safe, while they monitor his reaction to Lamactil (anyone have any succes with this?). Meanwhile, I am having a hard time dealing. I have an anxiety disorder that is pretty much under control but still surfaces in cases of extreme stress and I feel like I have no one to talk to about this! I called the intake people at the hospital where he is at and they told me to "do something I enjoy." Whatever! I guess they don't understand the intense worry that comes along with leaving someone you love in a mental unit plus having to deal with all the household issues (we are going to have to sell our house now, look for an apt, etc. because of the layoff). I try to talk to my sisters, but they too have always been on the other side (i.e. they have each made at least one trip to the psych unit and don't get what it's like to be on this side). Plus, I have to start a new job tomorrow and pretend like everything's normal! I'm not trying to sound like a martyr, I'm just so worried and overwhelmed about the next few months as well as the future beyond that. How do you cope when someone you love is suffering so much? I do attend Al Anon, but right now I feel like all of the Al Anon principles aren't really working for me in the context of Bi Polar disorder.

I do have a sister who is bipolar and very stable on zoloft alone, so I am hoping there are others of you out there who have had success with managing this disorder. Any advice you can give for me on how to help him and how to help myself would be very greatly appreciated. Thank you.

historyteach

Hi, QU,
And welcome to SR!

My son is dual diagnosed with heroin addiction and bipolar disorder. I understand your anxiety and confusion. I will say, though, that it doesn't seem as if your anxiety is under control right now. Have you called your doctor? That may be a helpful suggestion.

The suggestions made by the hospital people, to do something your enjoy, is a good one. What they're trying to communicate is this: YOu cannot help anyone else if you cannot help yourself first. So, you've got to get your own anxiety in order before you can begin to help him. Alanon meetings, and working with a sponsor right now is a great idea. You may wish to talk with a counselor right now too, while your anxiety is so high.

I have no experience with lamactil. I hope it works out for him. Sometimes, it takes a while and a few different types of meds to get it under control.

Remember to take it one day at a time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Shalom!

reader

Hi, Welcome... I take Lamictal and am very happy with it. No side effects, as long as i take it like I am supposed to I am fine. Good luck to you both.

QU31

Thanks to you both! I agree--I need to take care of myself first, get my own anxiety under control. It's tough though, just when I was getting the whole detatchment thing down (as far as the alcoholism goes) now there seems to be a whole new set of rules to learn. Luckily, I did coincidentally see my doctor last week before all this went down and I am now armed with a Klonopin perscription (I am not an abuser), which has been a god-send. I started my new job today, got through the day like a "normal" person, and everything seems to be going ok for now. I am very optimistic! Thanks for your responses.

shutterbug

hi, i took lamictal for quite a while and it really helped me stay focused and clear headed. The side-affect i had with it was my acne got out of control -- worse than when i was a teenager. I know others who have talked of this same side affect, but i also know the extreme amount of stress i was under had to also be contributing to the skin problems.

anyway, i've been in the hospital twice. Both times were very pleasant for me....especially the first one. Being in the hospital, and knowing i'd be there for a few days, took LOADS of stress from my shoulders....b/c in there...all i had to think about was getting better and taking care of myself.

Know this....the diagnosis is positively a good thing...as now he can start working to find a treatment that will work for him...and also b/c he will be able to help himself not get worse and then not understand why.

It's a lot of hard times being bipolar, but it was a lot harder for me when I didn't know I was and therefore had no understanding of what would happen to me from time to time.

=== also, with your sister or anyone....know that a person with bipolar disorder can seem perfectly fine for several years and then things slowly (or sometimes quickly) can start to fall apart. I myself am only currently medicated with 2 anti-depressants ....and i know that i can not continue much longer without a mood-stabalizer or else i will end up causing my brain (and life) more damage. Anyway, i guess I'm just wanting to point out that even tho your sister may be "stable" right now even tho she's only on an anti-d.....that doesn't mean she will stay stable. I just felt the need to point that out as it could really have a negative influence on your boyfriend's future if he were to get it stuck in his head that he doesn't need a mood-stabalizer (like the Lamictal - which i believe is among the best to be prescribed for especially those newly diagnosed).

Of course, all this is my self-educated, personal opinion.

best wishes,
Jenna

AnnieUnix

Hi QU31 - welcome! And I'm glad your first day on your new job went well. I'm bipolar II and I've been stable on a combination of Trileptal, Straterra, and Cymbalta. I'm also alcoholic, ten years sober by the grace of my HP. My doc told me that the biggest danger being bipolar is if the bipolar person decides not to take the meds. With meds, our lives can be pretty normal. It was a shocking and painful diagnosis for me, worse than when I first got sober - but I found once I accepted what was wrong, and accepted my responsibility for accepting help, that my life became so much better. Do take good care of yourself.....

Latte

I'm Bipolar and have been blessed not to have extreme highs or lows. I am also an alcoholic/addict/and Co-dependent. I take 120mg Cymbalta which also helps with my chronic pain issues and my anxiety issues. I was able to stop taking Ativan when my Cymbalta was titrated enough.

NAMI (in the last posters sig) can help you better understand your bf's Bipolar. They are there for you. There are some amazing support systems out there. Keep in close contact with your HP, your doctor and yourself. Right now your bf is in a safe place and you can take time for yourself.

Blesses.

ccgirl

Lamictal has been my godsend of a med. It is also the medicine of choice to treat the bipolar these days.

QU31

Thanks to everyone for replying. I'm feeling much better...I was having major control issues, as I will do sometimes as a codependent. I saw a new therapist today who advised I need to think of the bipolar disorder the same way as I learned to do with the alcholism (detatch with love), work on myself, try not to be consumed by it, etc. while being supportive. I know deep down that all these things happened for a reason and am thankful for the diagnosis. I'm glad to hear many of you are on Cymbalta...he has been taking it for about six months with some luck.

If anyone has any relationship tips, things that have made the relationship easier, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks for helping me to be optimistic!

shutterbug

QU31: I have a link to a long thread somewhere in my bipolar journal that is devoted MAINLY to friends and family of bipolars....if you decide to look for it....it should be within the first few pages of year 2 or year 3.

Latte: You seem pretty knowledgeable about bipolar disorder and resources, but i am guessing that you are still pretty young if you have been diagnosed, but haven't experienced extreme ups OR extreme downs? If your over 25 or so then I would get a 3rd or 4th opinion as ADD/ADHD is misdiagnosed for bipolar 50 percent of the time because they both share SO MANY of the same symptoms. You really have me curious of how you got the bipolar diagnosis, since most pdocs WON'T give the diagnosis without there being at least one episode of clear mania.