2stop

It mostly has to do with chronic pain and a doctor(nurse practitioner actually) too poor to get a REAL MD! I feel like a little kid, like a dumb a$$ idiot.
Intellectually I almost know that it is my doctor....not ME that is having an issue. There have been so may screw ups and i have been told for a year now get another doctor! But I don't like changing docs...it really scares me......
I was just screamed at after gettign home from the ER that they were NOT calling any narcotics in...well no ****! I wasn't calling fro any narcotics! It really took me off guard.......I called my family doctor because I didn't know what to do..because nobody should hurt like I do after getting morphine, toradol, and zofran.....yesterday at appointment the nurse practitioner told me part of my trouble breathing was from severe pain!
I never crave drugs now, I hate taking any of my meds.but the zoloft I HAVE to take. I asked about lidocaine patches were they a narcotic.the nurse said yes! How isa numbing agent a narcotic! I have fibromyalgia, disc disease, hiatal hernia, GERD, what one doc said was a fx foot..now nurse practitioner says oh you're fine!
EVERYONE that sees my foot and the bone in the arch that hangs out like an inch is liek there is something wrong!
I can't work, I deal with so much pain.....I wake up crying almost every night....
I don't know what to do.....I fired my doctot, and will try to get one taking new patiensta nd my insurance......I feel so.......alone. so weak, and so incompetent that I just can't push my body a bit harder, just block outthe painand do what I gota do.....
I don't abuse any drugs, I don't drink, I quit smoking a year ago....I meditate...I am not a bad person..why do I feel like such a little child.........such a failure.my kids get angry with me, my husband gets frustrated I can't bring in an income....I don't know how much more I cna take..I could hide the pain for quite awhile..I can't now..even right now my insides feel like they are goingt o fall out..the nurse said take motrin..I can't take another one, my stomach starts quivering and cramping every time.I have taken them for years and have a history of ulcers, all I need is a bleeding ulcer. Guess I'll work harder at meditating and look into some herbal rememdies, chamomile or something to calm me down.
My confidence is waning, I am exhausted......I fel like a pain and a burden.....

ccgirl

You said it at the end. Pain is exhausting. It will drag you down and ruin every aspect of your life. I don't have any advice about what to do about doctors, but what about a pain clinic in you area? If you have true pain you shouldn't have to suffer.

2stop

I went to a pain management cenetr here in town.oh boy......I do not u7nderstand, mybe because I am young? Not the greatest inrurance?
He only wanted to give cortisone shots, 2 to my right hip which had a bad case of bursitis, one to my shoulder whic he mockingly said ghe pain was from my boobs being toob big! I kid you not! he actually said that!! next doctor did mri...I have a rotator cuff tear....The last visit with pain doc when I was in to see abotu the lower back pain, he said I had some facet disease(sp?) arthritis, something like that and he had mentioend previous visits he woudl inject some lidocaine/steroid in there.well I ask him about it and he gets all nasty..said well didn't I ALREADY do it? I said no! he says well.you can't be having so many steoids, the side effetcs are bad....but be careful with that back.it's gonna give you hell later...LOL..later???

What a doozy some of these docs are...........ya have to laugh latre on, how can someone be so stupid AND mean, deadly combo for a doctor.. my family dc is actually a CRNP..never once did I see an MD in her office.....she sent me to some MD's, but never saw one in her office. I want an MD as my PC doc from now on.....and I do NOT like women docs, have had horrible luck, they get so nsty and hateful with ya.......it's nuts.

I am calmed down now.....just gotta keep up the fight...........

****{HUGS}}}

I called a neurosurgeon today, I have to get another repeat mri and have family doc refer.I fired my family doc yesterday..LOL.......she wants $83.00 for my records.I refuse to be put off any more though.

Live

It will be an uphill fight but you should be eligible for SSI!?

2stop

I was on SSI at 19 yrs old, that was for depression/anxiety...........I was denied at first thn received a letter that an administrative law judge reviewed my case and said I WAS in fact eligible.

It was taken away in late 1990's because they said I WAS married(common law) even though we were not considered so anywhere else in texas.
I have been told i could probably get it here. PA does not recognize common law.so it is an angle I am lookig into.
I really have been too proud and too over confident.and I keep saying tammie, you will just break though al this painand trouble and you will bge able to ficus and study and do alright....just be patient!

LOL........it's agreat theory that believeing I am NOT disabled and am whole, and well, and geting better...but in reality I am just getting worse.
I can't even walk very far anymore without excruciating, crying tears kinda pain. Everyone has been reminding me that EVEN if I improve, get 'better' ,my back history will not pass a physicla for employment at most places where I could work.

When I find a new family doc I will aks them to write me a letter for SSI...maybe they could help me get some schooling and therapy..and get on the right track.

ccgirl

I don't know where in Pennsylvania you live, but if you are in any proximity to Philly or Harrisburg or any larger city/town, maybe you could find a doctor/pain clinic there?

If it makes you feel any better, my friend has pain issues and went to a local pain clinic. They were just as nasty as yours sounds. What's up with that? You'd think they'd be glad people were out there trying to fix there pain without drugs.

2stop

ccgirl.... I sometimes wonder what it is with docs and pain????

They get such a power trip off making you suffer. And then you get docs who over medicate you. A few weeks ago I was in severe pain, at the ER, hoping like hell to find out what was wrong, and they came in shot me in each arm with dilaudid, had to use two needles so much medicine, shot me in the butt with something else, toradol I think and gave me two pills to dissolve in my mouth...said just get to the specialist.he'll figure somethign out! LOL.....it'd like isn't NOW a good time, I am puking ym guts out from the pain, I couldn't raise my foot even a little my back arched up and cramped up and went totally nuts, my BP keeps getting higher......it is NUTS!

I feel so sorry fro your friend. The other day I felt like a 3 yr old.I am over that. I intend to fight for my quality of life and quantity too. I LOVE being alive now, anxiety and all.I don't want to die.not eevn a little bit.soudns stupid to keep stating that, but for me and how suicidal I have been all my life and how close I have come to killing myself It is awesome to be in love with life.
I just hope there isn't a G-d who would punish me for trying to commit suicide....I don't think there is.but I guess one never truly knows.......

How are Yu feeling ccgirl? Doing alright?
Thansk for listening to me and replying to my posts. I appreciate it.

Oh, I live about 90 miles north of Harrisburg...I think maybe Lewisburg has one...will have to check. It kinda sucks, I can't drive ourtside of town, my car is broke down, my dad is sick with his heart and kidneys riht now..getting around besides the city bus is hard.

I would like to try acupuncture, but cannot find someone to do that either! Frustration.....frustration..it's always something isn't it?
****{HUGS}}}