Faith2Change

A couple days ago, I got into a bad argument with my mother and stepfather. I had called and spoke with my doctor about symptoms I was having, which I thought I might have been misdiagnosed with the Major Depressive Disorder-and actually have Bipolar type 2. We talked about going to a psychiatrist, which I'm six months over due for. When I called my mom to tell her that I need to start seeing one, she told me that our insurance will cover us, but we don't have enough money, and also that I get into these moods when I'm bored or don't get my way (big slap in the face, like i'm being called a liar-especially when she has panic disorder as well). After the talk, i was very disappointed, felt helpless and got emotional. Then when she and and my step dad got home, they were both upset with me. My boyfriend tried to talk to them, and then told me to go talk to them. So I went in their bedroom and I tried to talk, and my step dad just goes off and says, you can't take care of yourself and I see it everyday (which isn't true, he see's me for three hours a day). My mom told my boyfriend that she can't trust me with anything, because i've burned her too many times. I completely understand her point, I did fall back into smoking weed and couldn't handle waking my brother up, getting him off to school, and having him come home and watch him till someone showed up. I tried to keep talking to them and saying you can't trust me if you never give me a chance. And mom just walked out of the room and I tried to follow, then my step dad got into it. I said some disorders especially PTSD need to be treated or they can get worse. And he said what the hell is this ptsd, how do you know you have it. That's when I started to yell, and say I've been diagnosed by my doctor. He started screaming at me and I just said ,yes sir, and then my boyfriend and I went to our room and left it alone.

The other thing that still is bothering me, is that my boyfriend doesn't want me on the medication. He thinks I'm strong enough to fight all these disorders without pills. He also thinks it's all in my head, that I think the pills help. He went through therapy and different depression medication, but he hated it all. Me I tried to fight it until I felt I needed other peoples help. I told him this is what I want to do. Take medication, because it has helped, and go through cognitive behavioral therapy. He just doesn't understand what I'm going through.

I just am so tired of having help right in front of me, but never being able to get it.
I'm just so tired of the nightmares and panic attacks from the nightmares, and the depression on top of that. Hopefully I might recieve some help from my doctor since i'm going to see him Wed., but i'm going because of an emergency room visit from friday. Don't worry nothing bad bad, just a pinched nerve in my arm.

If anyone has had these issues with family or loved ones, please feel free to share with me or give advice.

Live

I am so sorry.

This may be extreme but it is possible to have your DR file a report of medical neglect with family services. You need and deserve proper medical care.

I hope you will be able to find some informed support....perhaps some of it here at SR

shutterbug

Hi Faith, please don't listen to your boyfriend about not taking meds because "it's all in your head." People who are uneducated say things like that. My suggestion is to read about bipolar disorder and major depressive disorder and learn as much as you can. (It is actually quite possible to have both - as I do). It is important to see a real psychiatrist but to still take an active part in your mental health by learning non-medication ways of handling the day-to-day and minimizing the mood swings.

Something that could possibly help your anxiety and nightmares is progressive muscle relaxation at bed-time. It only takes about 10-15 minutes to do and there are tapes and CDs that can guide you through it each night. It's very pleasant and relaxing. I did it every night for a year when i was going through my last major depressive episode and I plan to go back to doing it each night as I had forgotten how much more centered it made my days.

Anyway, ANY relaxation techniques will help with the anxiety..... and I'd guess that the less anxiety you have then the less you will experience nightmares, but that's just a guess.

Hugs,
Jenna

Faith2Change

I can't file anything with neglect and social services, because I am 19. I lost my car and money, when I moved away from my alcoholic father who had abused me verbally my entire life and once physically. This is just getting so much harder. I've always been independent, and now b/c of alcohol I am at rock bottom. I sit at home, do schoolwork (i'm going to an online college), and clean. I hate it here. Honestly I feel hopeless. I just wish God would drop a miracle on me and I could find a way to get a car. I think this is why I did drugs in the first place. Honestly it seems that I keep getting dealt the bad cards.

Live

You can get free domestic counseling as you were abused. They can then hook you up with resources and options.

My family never understood my need for meds. Now that I am older I can say "gee, I am glad you can't understand. I am glad you have not suffered lifelong my illness." But forget about trying to convince or educate them...it just puts you on the defensive.

I hope you can get out and get amongst some kind of positive support and social activities.

At my lowest I went for long solitary walks, at one point was so agrophobic I only went out at night, but it was a safe residential area. It brought me some peace and serenity....just me and the starry sky.

Keep coming back, I hope. You will meet many here.

ccgirl

Please, please do what's right for you. When I was first diagnosed and went to a psychiatrist, my family told me I was weak. I didn't listen and I later realized they're the crazy ones, lol.

May I ask a personal question? Why are you the one getting your little brother ready and off to school? It sounds like you let a lot of people tell you what to do and what's best for you. When I was 19 (boy was that a while ago, lol) I did that too. I think when you're older you'll learn to say no and do what's best for you. I hope so. You sound and look like a sweet, sad girl and you bring out my maternal instincts, sweetie.

P.S. Don't beat yourself up for slipping and using substances. Addicts fall sometimes and beating yourself up isn't going to help.

Faith2Change

the reason I was getting my brother up was because it helped my mom in the mornings. He has ADHD and that was the difficulty in handling him. I spent a lot of time taking care of him since he was two. he even calls me mini mommy. But back to the point, I did b/c she offered to pay me, and with no car or job I thought I could do it. but i ended up not being able to handle it. And she holds a grudge about that too. And that was part of the fight.

I try not to let people boss me around anymore. I don't completely let everyone control me, I have to listen to my parents considering they are providing me with a place to live and food for the time being. I respect and listen to their opinions but I still decide what I need and want to do. I'm supposed to go to the doctor on Wed. and I'm going to see if he can try out some mood stabilizers (since he thinks and so do I that I have bipolar type 2), since I can't go to a psychiatrist. Thank you for all the replies.

Live

I am very glad that your GP will work with you on this. That's great news!

Faith2Change

he's been great to me, and understands my circumstances. And suprisingly it's the same doctor my mother goes to for her panic disorder. I love being able to make my own decisions, and tomorrow I will.

Live

Yay!!!!!!

shutterbug

i thought i had mentioned this before but it must have been to someone else. there is most likely a state mental health organization that could help you see a local psychiatrist for free or really cheap. If you go to the website for NAMI (national alliance for mental illness) and/or DBSA (depression bipolar support alliance) they have links to all the states and resources/contacts for each state. Find a number or two to call in your state and then ask how you can find out if there are any resources or groups that could help you in your home town.

After I lost my job a while back, there was a state-funded mental health site just a block from where I had worked (and i'd never even known it all those years). There i got free counseling and free visits with a pychiatrist and my meds were only $5 each (with a max of $15....so no one ever paid more than that no matter how many scripts they had filled).

There are people out there who can help you no matter what the situation...it sometimes just takes a little digging. And I'd highly suggest finding some depression and/or bipolar support groups to sit in on each week.

Faith2Change

I'll give that number a call tomorrow. Thanks for the tip