Spacecat

To my dear online family on Sober & Recovery.....

Well, where do I start? For the last three days I have been going through living HELL....
It all started, around six weeks ago, I was on 50 mgs of Zoloft for a diagnosis of Clinical Depression for around five years, & throughout that time I lost my libido, suffered insomnia, even when taking Diazapam or Valium..I gained a lot of weight while taking Zoloft as well....
I was relatively stable for that five years on Zoloft until six weeks ago, when I began having severe Panic Attacks & I thought, what's happening? I was eating healthy, exercising, feeling positive, although my Mum said I was slightly Manic in my enthusiasm for my new healthy lifestyle & I was beginning to become a Gym-Junkie...
Anyway, I did some research into Zoloft & I discovered that Zoloft is supposed to stop Panic Attacks....
The Panic Attacks began, when I came down with what I thought was the Flu or a Cold Virus, but later discovered, I was over-doing the exercise & becoming obsessed with this newfound healthy lifestyle....
I later discovered that my Psychiatrist diagnosed me wrongly with Clinical Depression, not because he didn't know what he was doing, but because I failed to give him the correct information that he needed, in order to make an accurated diagnosis.....I later discovered that the only thing keeping me stable while taking Zoloft was the Diazapam or Valium & that I actually suffered from some form of Anxiety Disorder, which can lead to Depression, if it is not treated.....
I decided that if Zoloft was doing little to help me, I would wean myself off this drug, slowly & once I did this, I didn't have the patience or courage to try another Anti-Depressant & decided to treat myself with Diazapam, until I could find a non-addictive alternative to Benzos.....
Now, my Psychiatrist is trying me on Epilim for I have been Manic for the last five weeks without Zoloft, as Doctors now use Epilileptic Medication to treat Mania...
I haven't started taking the Epilim, yet, but I'm going to soon.....
Now I must add that I am also taking 400 mgs of Solian, which is an Anti-Psychotic, which I have been taking for over four years for a diagnosis of Paranoid Psychosis.....
I don't do drugs such as Marijuana or drink Alcohol, but I do smoke Tobacco,
regularly.....
I have contacted my Doctor, to get a referral to see a Psychologist, in order to get some counselling....
I'm really feeling Depressed at the moment & my greatest fear is that I will go insane......
If it wasn't for this website, I would go crazy......

ccgirl

I'm glad that we're here for you. If the new med is lamictal it is a wonderful one with no side effects. Other than that all I can say is I understand some of what you're going through. Actually a lot of what you're going through.

margo

((((((Simon)))))) I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so depressed, and I truly understand the fear of going insane - it's a very valid feeling and one that is more common than you might think. I'm glad you're going to see a psychologist. Does your psychiatrist know how badly you are feeling right now? Have you given any more thought to trying a different antidepressant? I know you're reluctant, but maybe this would be the best route for you at the moment? See if you can get your psychiatrist's office to fit you in for an appointment.

DaVinci2

I can give you advice about the exercise. If you over-train you tax your central nervous system. When you do that, your body can't recover quickly enough. For bodybuilders it's called over-training. Even the big boys only spend about an hour a day 3 to 4 days a week in the gym. Any more than that and they are doing something wrong. Rest is a big part of being healthy. If you like the gym, go 3 or 4 days a week with a day between to rest. If you still have energy on those days, go for a walk, take up a sport, but be sure not to over-do it on those days.

Amanda930

Spacecat I'm sorry you feeling so depressed....when I first found out about my anixety I felt like I was going insane also. I kept feeling this feeling that I could describle and I thought I was losing my mind....what I got me through it was work, friends, people I love and people who love me and my meds. I hope you get help soon. Seeing someone also helps me. Good luck and we are all here for you...

send you prayers.

Faith2Change

I am also diagnosed with a type of anxiety disorder, a little more extreme version, Panic Disorder. I emphathize with your feeling of going crazy or insane. I found that the only way I'd stop feeling that way was if I focused on the fact that there will be help, regardless of how long it might take to get it. A door always opens when we think nothing else can help, my prayers go out to you.

Spacecat

Thankyou, everyone, for your kind words.....

I really need your prayers & positive thoughts at the moment, as I am still feeling horrible....

The only thing that I feel like doing at the moment, is sleeping, for, at least while I'm asleep, I don't have to deal with life.....

God Bless you all, my dear friends.....

margo

Hi Simon - I remember feeling this way about ten years ago. I was severely depressed at the time and just wanted to sleep so that the day could be done with. Excessive sleep is one of the signs of depression, as is not sleeping enough (insomnia). I am concerned about you, Simon - have you been able to make an appointment with your doctor? You don't need to suffer needlessly and there are medications that can help you through this dark period in your life. Sending prayers and hugs to you. Please check in when you can.

Spacecat

Thanks Margo,

I rang my Doctor two days ago & asked him to write out a referral to see a Psychologist & he hasn't got back to me yet.....

I will ring him again on Monday & remind him......

Tonight I will try the new medication which my Psychiatrist prescribed me four days ago....
It is a medicine which they use to treat both Epileptics & people who suffer from Mania & it is called Epilim....
I haven't tried it yet, as I have had my reservations, but the Benzos, just aren't making me feel any better, so I will take the Epilim tonight & see what happens.....

Thankyou, for everyone who is thinking of me & praying for me at this time....

I have been getting back into using my musical talents again, by collaborating with my Christian friend who plays Guitar as he likes to accompany singers, for he, himself, can't hold a tune....We are getting together a song & we are going to play & sing professionally, when we get together a good repertoire of songs...
He is getting very good at playing Guitar & I have been told that I have a good Singing voice....

God Bless Everyone here at Sober & Recovery........