Avoiding toxic people & negative energy
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Virginia, U.S.A.
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Avoiding toxic people & negative energy
Hi, it's been a few days but have to echo the sentiment about toxic, noxious personalities in one's life, and I'm so glad that shutterbug broached this important subject in another thread by our member, lovelife:
(Underlining is mine.)
It brought to mind my own lesson learned about this, and I thought it appropriate to make into a separate topic as indeed - I have had to cut off one of my own sisters. It was purely an act of self-preservation and nothing holier-than-thou or self-righteous about it.
But after living the sickness of being an adult child of alcoholics for 40 years, I had to cut away her as well, because she has that same sickness.
Specifically, I'm not alluding to alcoholism but just unhealthy traits: Automatic negativity; always some kind of drama or trouble going on; an incredibly tenacious flair for exaggerating everything (lol), living in some fantasy world, or just outright lying.
And saying the meanest, most unbelievably insensitive things, at the cruelest, most unbelievably inappropriate times. LOL You can tell I was scarred emotionally and, as I began to get not just sober but older and more independent, I came to determine that she would continue to be a pernicious and negative force to have in my life.
I finally had to, literally haha, write her out of my life - in a letter. I told her... please do not associate with me unless you are able to get help and change; told her that I had no obligation to love her and was tired of feeling threatened into loving her (if you've lived that, then you know).
So far this entire year, it's worked. It may sound cruel, but good riddance. Seriously. You cannot choose your family, and when that is an unhealthy choice in adulthood, you've absolutely no obligation to loyalty by blood alone.
Oh uh Happy gobble~gobble Day, all you CARNIVORES!!!
Ten
Originally Posted by shutterbug
We have to make a choice to love ourselves more than we love others. We deserve peace and we DONT have to put up with crap.
It brought to mind my own lesson learned about this, and I thought it appropriate to make into a separate topic as indeed - I have had to cut off one of my own sisters. It was purely an act of self-preservation and nothing holier-than-thou or self-righteous about it.
But after living the sickness of being an adult child of alcoholics for 40 years, I had to cut away her as well, because she has that same sickness.
Specifically, I'm not alluding to alcoholism but just unhealthy traits: Automatic negativity; always some kind of drama or trouble going on; an incredibly tenacious flair for exaggerating everything (lol), living in some fantasy world, or just outright lying.
And saying the meanest, most unbelievably insensitive things, at the cruelest, most unbelievably inappropriate times. LOL You can tell I was scarred emotionally and, as I began to get not just sober but older and more independent, I came to determine that she would continue to be a pernicious and negative force to have in my life.
I finally had to, literally haha, write her out of my life - in a letter. I told her... please do not associate with me unless you are able to get help and change; told her that I had no obligation to love her and was tired of feeling threatened into loving her (if you've lived that, then you know).
So far this entire year, it's worked. It may sound cruel, but good riddance. Seriously. You cannot choose your family, and when that is an unhealthy choice in adulthood, you've absolutely no obligation to loyalty by blood alone.
Oh uh Happy gobble~gobble Day, all you CARNIVORES!!!
Ten
Last edited by Ten Chips Down; 11-22-2006 at 09:33 PM.
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I couldn't agree more. It's a hard thing to do....letting go of unhealthy people in your life who society tells you that you are suppose to love no matter what....or letting go of people who finally showed their true selves and they turned out not to be what you thought.
I let go of my father about 11 months ago after giving him one last chance not to hurt me and that very evening....what did he do? Good ridence. I can only pray that some day he might learn how to live happy and sober....and what that means, but I'm not loosing any more sleep waiting on it to ever happen b/c chances are it won't.
This week my youngest cousin who I love deeply....tried to re-connect with me after about 6 months have gone by since I had to kick her out of my house and I was very hurt to find out who the real her is. Well....this weekend she asked if we could talk. She obviously expected me to embrace her and be buddy, buddy with her again....even though she has since dropped out of high school and has stolen our aunts credit cards....not to mention the drugs and drinking and sex with tons of guys.
I offered her a chance to learn what a healthy life can look like...I was her last chance and she threw it away. I can't let myself suffer for the bad roads she is headed down....but it's still hard to handle even from the outside now.
And the weekend before.....I had to end a relationship with my best friend and her husband. I met her in day treatment when I was in the middle of my major episode and at that time she was as committed to getting healthy as I was. Now....they are smoking pot while their 7-year-old is home, she is back to drinking and trying to control it, and within the last month she's gotten messed up on cocain. She's stubborn and headed down a hill I don't want to watch her fall down.....and I definetly don't want her dragging me down with her.
Her husband being overly disrespectful of me was the last straw. It hurt very deeply, but I knew I had to let go of this relationship that meant so much to me because over the past few months it's only meant more drama and stress and guilt.
Self preservation!
If we don't take care of ourselves....no one else will!
It's up to us now...and it's not always pretty to cut someone loose, but it's almost always worth it and more in the measure of our emotional and mental health.
Hugs,
Jenna
P.S. Yes.....carnivor I am....and I'm gunna be proud of it ALL DAY tomorrow
I let go of my father about 11 months ago after giving him one last chance not to hurt me and that very evening....what did he do? Good ridence. I can only pray that some day he might learn how to live happy and sober....and what that means, but I'm not loosing any more sleep waiting on it to ever happen b/c chances are it won't.
This week my youngest cousin who I love deeply....tried to re-connect with me after about 6 months have gone by since I had to kick her out of my house and I was very hurt to find out who the real her is. Well....this weekend she asked if we could talk. She obviously expected me to embrace her and be buddy, buddy with her again....even though she has since dropped out of high school and has stolen our aunts credit cards....not to mention the drugs and drinking and sex with tons of guys.
I offered her a chance to learn what a healthy life can look like...I was her last chance and she threw it away. I can't let myself suffer for the bad roads she is headed down....but it's still hard to handle even from the outside now.
And the weekend before.....I had to end a relationship with my best friend and her husband. I met her in day treatment when I was in the middle of my major episode and at that time she was as committed to getting healthy as I was. Now....they are smoking pot while their 7-year-old is home, she is back to drinking and trying to control it, and within the last month she's gotten messed up on cocain. She's stubborn and headed down a hill I don't want to watch her fall down.....and I definetly don't want her dragging me down with her.
Her husband being overly disrespectful of me was the last straw. It hurt very deeply, but I knew I had to let go of this relationship that meant so much to me because over the past few months it's only meant more drama and stress and guilt.
Self preservation!
If we don't take care of ourselves....no one else will!
It's up to us now...and it's not always pretty to cut someone loose, but it's almost always worth it and more in the measure of our emotional and mental health.
Hugs,
Jenna
P.S. Yes.....carnivor I am....and I'm gunna be proud of it ALL DAY tomorrow
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