unsure of

my RABF is dual bipolar and substance abuse. anyway his behavior i feel is effecting me and i don't know how to remove myself from it.

i just feel so down about our situation. he has once again change his mind and is planning another big dream. but i guess he forgot about OUR plans and OUR dreams.

why is this so difficult? i know this rant will pass like all his others but this is the worst because i actually allowed myself to believe his last rant. he wanted us to live together and we we're going to have a life together. this one is painful because it is the exact opposite of what we talked about. him moving farther away and going to school longer. (we were planning on moving in together after graduation). (loved one with bipolar thread)

i'm trying not to take this "change of mind personally" but how can i not? i feel like i'm totally out of sight out of mind. i don't like when i take his selfishness so personally, i know that he is being selfish when it comes to everyone. he can be a jerk sometime when he's trying not to deal with something, and i know trying to talk to him about it at this pointi s like talking to a wall.

i just have to wait to let him know how this rant has upset me, and talk to him without making him feel guilty but i want him to feel something. i hate when i get this lost feeling. i feel pretty crappy which is totally notlike me at all-- yeah that's right i'm that annoying chick that is always smiling and nothing gets to me. i get on people nerves, with my optomism. i guess today (yesterday--maybe tomorrow) is not my day.

thanks for reading

trying to deal polly