The important thing to remember is that while you can't change the past you can create the future you want. There is always hope and opportunity and the first step is admitting you have a problem and need to change.
Keep going to AA. You need support to get through this and if because of insurance reasons you can't speak to a counselor at least you have the support of your AA meetings. Keep posting here.
One of the things that I have found can be useful is giving yourself a focus point. Just getting sober may not be enough for some people. You might need to have a strong and powerful reason for why you are getting sober. Maybe it is family? Maybe it is health? Maybe a job opportunity? Whatever it is, that is your motivation to change. It's easy to drink and blackout and then wake up the next morning saying you will never drink again. Maybe you even get rid of any alcohol in the house, and then that night you find yourself at the store buying more (been there done that). No matter how many times you say you are going to quite the addicted part of the brain is likely to combat that thought by trying to make you think of how good alcohol will make things. This is where you have to use your source of motivation to push past those thoughts and urges of drinking and stay sober.
You've got this, the first step is identifying the problem. It's gonna take work but you just have to take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time.