High time to make some friends?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: East
Posts: 165
High time to make some friends?
Hello SR family- I'm 18/19 days sober. I have always kept people at a distance. Maybe it's time I make some friends (Non drinkers or normal drinkers).
I'm a likeable enough fella I guess...Are there any of you out there that were always guarded with people and had very few friends that made some after getting sober? Was that helpful for your sobriety and did these new friendships bring you joy?
I'm pretty happy friendless as sad as that probably sounds...But I'm willing to do anything to stay sober and if meeting new people helps I'll do it.
I'm a likeable enough fella I guess...Are there any of you out there that were always guarded with people and had very few friends that made some after getting sober? Was that helpful for your sobriety and did these new friendships bring you joy?
I'm pretty happy friendless as sad as that probably sounds...But I'm willing to do anything to stay sober and if meeting new people helps I'll do it.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,388
I should work on this too. It's not that easy making friends when you're a a cranky old ornery redneck like me.
CLAS, people always tell me I should take a dance class, maybe try that. The old ladies love to dance.
CLAS, people always tell me I should take a dance class, maybe try that. The old ladies love to dance.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Yes, I don't have friends. I attend AA and have a sponsor so I interact with people a lot. Also interact with people in yoga etc. But I don't have friends.
I am aware that society says that's abnormal. I guess it is. It is challenging when I am quite happy without friends. I also believe it isn't sustainable long term.
I guess I relate is what I'm saying. My solution for now is AA. I'm taking my time....
I am aware that society says that's abnormal. I guess it is. It is challenging when I am quite happy without friends. I also believe it isn't sustainable long term.
I guess I relate is what I'm saying. My solution for now is AA. I'm taking my time....
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I believe the right friends are crucial and I am blessed to have a good number of true supporters and wonderful folks in my life. Just yesterday my (also in recovery) boyfriend observed at length that the people I have to turn to when something significant is going on (it was) is amazing.
I have always been very social, I know lots of people and have a wide "friend" circle...of the hi, how are you, move on type. Sober, my circle that really matters is small, and priceless. I nurture my relationships and don't try to do this sobriety thing alone. My sponsor is from my AA home group and is awesome. Close friends I list when drinking, some are back in my life.
Laughter and people I like are a huge part of my life.
I have always been very social, I know lots of people and have a wide "friend" circle...of the hi, how are you, move on type. Sober, my circle that really matters is small, and priceless. I nurture my relationships and don't try to do this sobriety thing alone. My sponsor is from my AA home group and is awesome. Close friends I list when drinking, some are back in my life.
Laughter and people I like are a huge part of my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I found these two articles pretty helpful 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...endships-adult
I have a smaller social circle now...but I know my friends are real friends whereas before a lot of my friends were really just people to drink with.
D
Here are a few tips on how to get involved in your community and make some friends as you get older:
1. Building a new friendship is a lot like when you were kids. You want to hang out with someone like yourself. Someone just as fun, hip and cool. You want to make time with that person, in a meaningful way, but usually based around common interests and activities you can do in your spare time. Give some of these tips a whirl and enjoy your new friends!
2. Use a service like Meetup.com, which hosts outings for everything under the sun that you could imagine. It is for other people like you, just looking to make a connection with others that share your interests.
3. Use a daily deal, like Groupon to help you find an activity you like. That’s a great way to meet others that are interested in that activity. If it becomes a regular meet up, its easier to make friends and be in an environment where you are already both entertained. A cup of coffee afterwards can be an easy segue into making a bond.
4. Meet people at church. If you are involved in a religion, this is a great place to meet like minded people. Churches have many opportunities to become involved in your community, and for regular meetups
5. Join an adultsports league. Although I have never been, the signs for “adult kickball” do sound pretty tempting. It seems like that would be a good place to get a little exercise, meet some people, and have a lot of fun.
6. Get out with your dog (or maybe even get a puppy). Lifehacker readers Em and Powermobydick (on Twitter) say that walking their dogs and going to dog parks have helped them meet new people. Other obvious but still effective ways to get out there include volunteering, starting a new hobby, joining a neighborhood book club, and even traveling.
7. Join the “Y”. A gym has a lot of opportunities for you to get involved in classes, or just work out. With everything from a light paced yoga class, all the way into the pits of the weight lifting area, you are sure to meet someone that has a similar interest.
8. Join a PTA or similar organization at your child’s school. These groups are filled with people that, like you, love their children and want to be involved in their life. To be honest, they also are usually filled with people that want to expand their social life outside of their children but don’t know how. It’s a great way for you to make friends, and still involve your child.
9. Find some volunteer work! My grandparents volunteer at a local theater and have found many people they connect with, but there are so many places you can get involved in and meet people that, like you, just want to help. Pick a cause that is close to you, and by default you will meet others that also care.
10. Make a weekly activity time with a friend you have and would like to see more, or rekindle an old friendship with some friends. If every Friday you make some time for you and a friend to go fishing, or to have a cocktail and dessert at a local restaurant, you will have something to look forward to with that friend, and it can make for a lot of fun!
from trend.com
1. Building a new friendship is a lot like when you were kids. You want to hang out with someone like yourself. Someone just as fun, hip and cool. You want to make time with that person, in a meaningful way, but usually based around common interests and activities you can do in your spare time. Give some of these tips a whirl and enjoy your new friends!
2. Use a service like Meetup.com, which hosts outings for everything under the sun that you could imagine. It is for other people like you, just looking to make a connection with others that share your interests.
3. Use a daily deal, like Groupon to help you find an activity you like. That’s a great way to meet others that are interested in that activity. If it becomes a regular meet up, its easier to make friends and be in an environment where you are already both entertained. A cup of coffee afterwards can be an easy segue into making a bond.
4. Meet people at church. If you are involved in a religion, this is a great place to meet like minded people. Churches have many opportunities to become involved in your community, and for regular meetups
5. Join an adultsports league. Although I have never been, the signs for “adult kickball” do sound pretty tempting. It seems like that would be a good place to get a little exercise, meet some people, and have a lot of fun.
6. Get out with your dog (or maybe even get a puppy). Lifehacker readers Em and Powermobydick (on Twitter) say that walking their dogs and going to dog parks have helped them meet new people. Other obvious but still effective ways to get out there include volunteering, starting a new hobby, joining a neighborhood book club, and even traveling.
7. Join the “Y”. A gym has a lot of opportunities for you to get involved in classes, or just work out. With everything from a light paced yoga class, all the way into the pits of the weight lifting area, you are sure to meet someone that has a similar interest.
8. Join a PTA or similar organization at your child’s school. These groups are filled with people that, like you, love their children and want to be involved in their life. To be honest, they also are usually filled with people that want to expand their social life outside of their children but don’t know how. It’s a great way for you to make friends, and still involve your child.
9. Find some volunteer work! My grandparents volunteer at a local theater and have found many people they connect with, but there are so many places you can get involved in and meet people that, like you, just want to help. Pick a cause that is close to you, and by default you will meet others that also care.
10. Make a weekly activity time with a friend you have and would like to see more, or rekindle an old friendship with some friends. If every Friday you make some time for you and a friend to go fishing, or to have a cocktail and dessert at a local restaurant, you will have something to look forward to with that friend, and it can make for a lot of fun!
from trend.com
I have a smaller social circle now...but I know my friends are real friends whereas before a lot of my friends were really just people to drink with.
D
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