NewDay79

This selfishness things is ridiculous. I mean, you would think that once you know that you are selfish, and you want to make a change, you can logically think your way out of it.

Unfortunately, that is not the case. At least not with me. I keep having to check myself. And when I realize I am being selfish, and I relent and make an effort to be more compromising, I have a bad attitude about it.

I need to work the steps to remove it stains from my life (and the lives of my loved ones). Nothing worse than a dry drunk, right?

esinger

Gotta start being somewhat selfish to take care of your problem.
Better than a wet one!

fini

I mean, you would think that once you know that you are selfish, and you want to make a change, you can logically think your way out of it.
possibly.
except that thinking about how selfish you are tends to be a self-absorbed circular thing. or can be.

what are your thoughts on the concept of acting differently no matter what your thoughts are thinking?

NewDay79

I do act differently now that I am re-aware, but I feel like it doesn't really count when I do it begrudgingly.

DayTrader

Just my experience but having been through the steps nuuuumerous times, it hasn't suddenly made me unselfish. I still have a lot of the same "old thoughts." The big difference now though is that with a lot of practice, I've learned both with my head and with my entire soul that actions are what matter. So I have a selfish thought and "practice" others-centered actions. Over time it's become more automatic, more habitual, and easier to do. I act much less selfishly now. Perfect? not even close....lol but a whole lot better.

Living in recovery, and more importantly, living happily in recovery - aka being recovered has a whole lot deeper roots in what I'm doing than it does in what I'm feeling/thinking. I'm not saying thoughts and feelings don't matter - they do. I AM saying that if it was possible for me to think my way out of alcoholism it would have happened lonnnnnnnng ago. Way before I stopped drinking and way before I started actually feeling some big-time relief. Thinking is one of my old behaviors that seems like it should work but rarely does. For-real action on the other hand, that's worked almost every single time.

zjw

i spent an awful long time wondering what is wrong with me finding my flaws etc.. I did this before i quit drinking. Others gladly pitched in and helped unable to stand the joy of pointing out my flaws to me too. as result i felt like a no good pile of poo pretty much all the time. in early recovery it was the same thing how did i screw up this time etc... selfishness or this or that.

But one day something clicked for me and i thought I'm not going to sit around and feel like crap about this anyore. So what if i got flaws who doesnt. I started to be happy that i'd find things wrong and be able to work on them. I started to realize who was pointing out my flaws becuase they really cared about me and who had there own selfish motives for doing so etc..

Once in recovery it really put a positive spin on checking myself etc.. Learning to accept that some things you do wrong you might always do wrong you might always have a hard time with its just how you are etc... just gotta keep working at it.

I didnt like how people could say "well what did you do wrong in this situation" no matter the situation there seemed to always be something I must have done wrong. Got robbed? well i must have done something to cause that too etc.. This started to bother me too. But even in these kinds of situations I've begun to figure out that I have to put others ahead o myself. maybe i was wrong in a situation maybe the other person was too but I feel it is not up to me to be there judge but I can work on what i did wrong that is something I can do.