Hawk07

I feel like eeyore the donkey now. It was an just an awful blah day. I've been merrily coasting along in this attempt at sobriety so far for the last 3+ weeks, probably just on the 'high' of being sober for longer than usual. And today I started to hit the usual road bumps.
To start this lovely day I was hit with a massive anxiety/ panic attack standing in line at the bank this morning. Had to walk out and use the drive thru teller. Work was just pile after pile of tedious paperwork and every little task felt like it took a monumental amount of effort to get thru. I'm exhausted, disenchanted and feel like i'm just able to do the bare minimum which is exist.
I can't entice myself with anything. Movie? blah, music? blah gym? blah. hang out with friend? blah stare at the wall?? eat out somewhere yummy? blah

meh blah meh blah. I guess my mantra for today is this too shall pass. Not going to drink but the thought has been fluttering around and it scares me. It's almost like being stuck in a house with a rabid bat flying around hoping you don't get bit.

OklaBH

sorry you had a bad day! i am glad that you have a place like SR to vent and get it off your chest. Oh, and youre still sober Good job

zjw

I had a lot of days like that. the panic attacks are a nice little treat too. nothing like having em in public i think it just makes them all the worse even.

I felt very very defeated in early sobriety. I new i was absolutly SCREWED in life or at least I felt that way. I new i was totally SCREWED if i drank too. I had no where to run.

I simply passed time at work passed time in life as well many of days. just watched the clock tick by while i felt crummy not knowing why i was bothering with sobriety but at the same time knowing drinking was totally not gonna fix anything either. I felt rather F***ed to be honest.

BUT

each day just a tiny bit got better so i kept it going. I still have bad days just down right awful days and crummy moments and I 'd so rather handle life sober then drunk despite the downs of life.

sometimes you gotta just adopt the attitude of "whatever theres always tommorrow" let it roll of your back and dont allow it to steal your thunder.

Soberwolf

Well done week 3 Hawk07 there will be days like these itl get better

Hawk07

Thanks Okla. I'm glad SR exists. Zjw you summed it up nicely on where I think I'm at now:

'I felt very very defeated in early sobriety. I new i was absolutly SCREWED in life or at least I felt that way. I new i was totally SCREWED if i drank too. I had no where to run.' It's a very frustrating and testing place to be.
Thank you for the encouragement wolf.

Dee74

The great thing about recovery is bad days are bad days - not bad weeks

Hope tomorrow is better for you Hawk

D

Carbonized

Perfectly normal feelings. Just have to get used to them.

Aellyce

Hi Hawk, I hope you are feeling better today. Congrats on the 3+ weeks

Yes definitely one of the biggest challenges of early sobriety is learning how to face and handle these moods and emotions without mind altering substances. What works for me best is if I don't worry about the feelings, just let them be, while I do something active and practical that grabs my focus. Some chores or more complex, and initially it's often against my will but do it anyway. I'm usually surprised how activity transforms my mood.

I also like to give myself enough time to trace my feelings and the content of my mind without distraction, but not in excess.

Hawk07

I feel slightly more centered today. I like your tactic Haennie. I'm just standing still and letting all the emotions come and go. Not trying to control them is helping. I'm at work now and I don't have too heavy a load to get through. It's Friday tho...I always get a little nervous knowing I have 2 free days ahead. I have the weekend planned out with lots of activity options to distract myself. Sticking around on SR and posting more than usual also..

Dee74

There are some great tips here if you haven't seen them Hawk

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D

Hawk07

Thanks Dee. I will look at those. I went to battle with AV during the last hour at work. I'm beyond falling for the just one drink tactic. Now it's you can drink tonight and spend the next two days recovering. Friday's are my danger day. So I played it forward and this is what would happen:
1: I'd only enjoy the first half hour and then wouldn't remember the rest of the night.
2: wake up on a beautiful Saturday in Friday's work clothes somewhere on the floor or on my couch if I'm lucky.
3: proceed with the withdrawals starting around noon tomorrow Nausea, shaking, anxiety insomomnia, intense guilt shame and regret.
4: wake up Sunday only feeling slightly better but still unable to leave the house. Intense depression will set in.
5: spend the next two weeks dealing with horrible insomnia and anxiety all over again.
The sad thing is that's all if I'm lucky. There's the will I hit my head on something again? (Woke up with a nasty scrape on face last time) and of course how bad will the withdrawals be this time as they only get worse each time no matter how long I've been sober.
I've come to the conclusion that I will definitely not drink tonight.