Diary of a Mad Cow, Part VII: "This Is the End?"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
. How's this for greener pastures? did it work?
Lorraine, I'm Lee. Or LeeLee. Nice to meet you.
Actually, I've been smoke free almost four years, not three!
cow, have a good week. Check in when you can, just in case we start plotting revolutions or fomenting disturbances. enjoy your soups! oh boy, you do pack light! I have one entire bag that's just grooming aids! Soaps, shampoos, make ups, curling iron, decent blow dryer, lotions, potions night gown and clean undies. Fresh blouses and socks. lounge wear for laying around the hotel or making runs to the ice machine or to forage for food. I'm way too poor for room service most of the time.
Well, Ok then.....
love from CAL.
I was trying to be tricky and amusing but the font color didn't change to the lush green I was hoping for.
Lorraine, I'm Lee. Or LeeLee. Nice to meet you.
Actually, I've been smoke free almost four years, not three!
cow, have a good week. Check in when you can, just in case we start plotting revolutions or fomenting disturbances. enjoy your soups! oh boy, you do pack light! I have one entire bag that's just grooming aids! Soaps, shampoos, make ups, curling iron, decent blow dryer, lotions, potions night gown and clean undies. Fresh blouses and socks. lounge wear for laying around the hotel or making runs to the ice machine or to forage for food. I'm way too poor for room service most of the time.
Well, Ok then.....
love from CAL.
I was trying to be tricky and amusing but the font color didn't change to the lush green I was hoping for.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,106
Originally Posted by Lenina 
How's this for greener pastures? did it work?
LOL LeeLee you have to put the text INSIDE the color tags. Also that's not a great green, at least not on my screen. I had to bold it.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by courage2
I haven't told anyone else except pseudosponsor this and don't know whether it's anything. This thread seems to be a good place for it. I was prescribed cough syrup w/codeine for whatever kind of chest infection I've had, and I've been taking it. I don't think I actually need it, but it makes me feel good. As would a drink. Taking about 2 times the recommended dosage. Obviously thinking about it addictively. But once this prescription is gone, I'm not going to go pestering docs for opiates, and it isn't bringing me noticeably closer to drinking.
In short, I'm abusing opiates (just a little bit) but it's not unmanageable. I like the feeling. What do you folks think -- should I dump the rest of this prescription? Honestly, what would you do?
In short, I'm abusing opiates (just a little bit) but it's not unmanageable. I like the feeling. What do you folks think -- should I dump the rest of this prescription? Honestly, what would you do?
Originally Posted by courage2
Where's Robby when you need him to talk about ambivalence?
I'm a bit late, but no matter. It makes me wince a bit to see you say your just a little abusing whatever but its not unmanageable. When is ever self abuse manageable? The process of addiction ambivalence comes to mind when we want to feel whatever, and we also realize we are in the midst of our addiction. We want the effect, and we don't want the responsibilities of active addiction.
Not to be harsh, and you know I respect you and all Snarkbunny, but I think your justifying your personal responsibilities out the window when you make statements suggesting the taking of whatever (cough meds) makes you feel good (like a drink would) and you don't actually need the whatever (cough meds) and none of this process in addictive ambivalence behavior is bringing you (noticeably) closer to a drink.
You asked for honesty, and I believe you have some serious self-gratifying going on with yourself, okay?
Are you still taking the cough meds as yet?
Can you not appreciate the larger picture here my good friend?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,106
Hi dolls -- it's in the air in NYC I think. Oh sigh, I suppose I have to be serious. It's just, cough syrup, really? Am I creating a problem out of cough syrup?
1) My life -- I can't speak to anyone else's -- has no intrinsic merit.
2) I can derive a sense of merit from other people sometimes, but it's quite effortful, and poses dangers of its own.
3) I can absorb myself in activities of various kinds, which inevitably, end.
4) When other people pall and activities end, I can find more. Which is fine.
5) Or I can use. Drinking is practically prohibited. If physically I could tolerate it better and I thought there would be no consequences to my marriage and mental health, I'd still be drinking. No question. But that isn't the case.
6) Is it really surprising I think a lot about drugs? If I could figure out how to engineer a manageable drug binge, see #5, above.
I think I do appreciate the larger picture, Robby.
A big part of me thinks my 35 years of subdued active alcoholism should never have happened, because I should have followed the expected course and gone into heroin at 16. Did I dodge a bullet or just delay the inevitable?
My behavior is a completely trivial but completely serious, little exercise in self-gratification. I don't think it's any worse physically than lots of people I know who eat a pound of chocolate or a 1/2 gallon or more of ice cream, neither of which I've ever done. I see people getting higher every day at Starbucks. But I know my addict mind is speaking through most of the words I write -- which makes me think I should write less.
1) My life -- I can't speak to anyone else's -- has no intrinsic merit.
2) I can derive a sense of merit from other people sometimes, but it's quite effortful, and poses dangers of its own.
3) I can absorb myself in activities of various kinds, which inevitably, end.
4) When other people pall and activities end, I can find more. Which is fine.
5) Or I can use. Drinking is practically prohibited. If physically I could tolerate it better and I thought there would be no consequences to my marriage and mental health, I'd still be drinking. No question. But that isn't the case.
6) Is it really surprising I think a lot about drugs? If I could figure out how to engineer a manageable drug binge, see #5, above.
I think I do appreciate the larger picture, Robby.
A big part of me thinks my 35 years of subdued active alcoholism should never have happened, because I should have followed the expected course and gone into heroin at 16. Did I dodge a bullet or just delay the inevitable?
My behavior is a completely trivial but completely serious, little exercise in self-gratification. I don't think it's any worse physically than lots of people I know who eat a pound of chocolate or a 1/2 gallon or more of ice cream, neither of which I've ever done. I see people getting higher every day at Starbucks. But I know my addict mind is speaking through most of the words I write -- which makes me think I should write less.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,705
I'm not really up for an argument today but I figure I wouldn't be a friend if I said yeah it's just like ice cream.
Like it or not, folks like you and me have to be vigilant - I get that you may not be digging that too much right now.
It's cough syrup sure - but it's cough syrup containing an addictive drug that you're taking to 'feel good'.
If it was me doing that, what would you say to me Courage?
D
Like it or not, folks like you and me have to be vigilant - I get that you may not be digging that too much right now.
It's cough syrup sure - but it's cough syrup containing an addictive drug that you're taking to 'feel good'.
If it was me doing that, what would you say to me Courage?
D
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
You crazy right now, Bunny. Just so's you know. Crazy can always recognize crazy ...and you crazy. Maybe you been hanging upsides down too long. Drops the rationalization, and steps away from the cough syrup.
That just this cow's opinion. Of course, I still clinging to my coffee, so I crazy too. Which is how I know you crazy, but we already cover that.
Well I glad I ignore doctor advice and come to cabin for week before endoscopy/biopsy. Otherwise, I would no has been able to ride through this sun dappled pine meadow today. Can you imagine how nice would be if I could actual FEEL anything.
That just this cow's opinion. Of course, I still clinging to my coffee, so I crazy too. Which is how I know you crazy, but we already cover that.
Well I glad I ignore doctor advice and come to cabin for week before endoscopy/biopsy. Otherwise, I would no has been able to ride through this sun dappled pine meadow today. Can you imagine how nice would be if I could actual FEEL anything.
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