Suicidal new sponsees
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Originally Posted by paulokes 
Reading this thread reminds me of the other thread...about "Private meetings". There are some potential "sponsees" who want someone to vent to and someone to tell them what to do...in each specific situation. There are some sponsors who want someone to call every night to vent...and ask what they should do in each specific situation.
I'm not that kind of sponsor. I used to be that kind of sponsee and it kept me sick. I didn't well until I had a sponsor who just took me through the steps.
Two parties in this equation...two as sick as each other. One who isn't prepared to accept the genuine solution...and one who isn't prepared to give it. They fill a whole in each others lives for a time I guess. I don't have to play either of these roles today and I can't be tricked into the role of saviour by someone who isn't ready to stand on their own two feet 
I also don't have any power to save someone. And it's a waste of time if I try to save someone who isn't ready or willing to be saved the AA way.
I hope these women got the help they need. Maybe then they'll come back into AA and take the steps.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 89
You guys have all given me alot to think about here. I have noticed in this small community where I have been living that people seem to glom onto me and want me to listen to their problems, but they are not working steps or doing much to help themselves. No therapy, no self reflection and no steps !!!
I kind of fell into the trap of thinking well, I must be something special that they all feel I can help them. Wow, that is so messed up.
The last couple of months I don't respond and don't accept these phone calls and strangely - may of these same people now stay away from me. I have told them that I am not able to just listen to their problems and that I am not a therapist. I would like a mutual friendship - if this is a friendship, but if I am your sponsor then you need to do your part.
So many needy people out there who don't really want to change but just want someone else to tell them what to do and also tell them what an awesome and amazing person they are. Wow, who gets that other than a very young child (if you are lucky). I have had to make some huge changes in how I deal with program people, and that has meant being very careful about who I talk to and how. Lots of strong boundaries and me not falling into the 'oh, I'll help you,' trap. Giving too much to needy people just sucks you dry and leaves you with nothing for your own life and family, friends.
Great thread, thank you for posting it.
I kind of fell into the trap of thinking well, I must be something special that they all feel I can help them. Wow, that is so messed up.
The last couple of months I don't respond and don't accept these phone calls and strangely - may of these same people now stay away from me. I have told them that I am not able to just listen to their problems and that I am not a therapist. I would like a mutual friendship - if this is a friendship, but if I am your sponsor then you need to do your part.
So many needy people out there who don't really want to change but just want someone else to tell them what to do and also tell them what an awesome and amazing person they are. Wow, who gets that other than a very young child (if you are lucky). I have had to make some huge changes in how I deal with program people, and that has meant being very careful about who I talk to and how. Lots of strong boundaries and me not falling into the 'oh, I'll help you,' trap. Giving too much to needy people just sucks you dry and leaves you with nothing for your own life and family, friends.
Great thread, thank you for posting it.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Reprieve
You guys have all given me alot to think about here. I have noticed in this small community where I have been living that people seem to glom onto me and want me to listen to their problems, but they are not working steps or doing much to help themselves. No therapy, no self reflection and no steps !!!
I kind of fell into the trap of thinking well, I must be something special that they all feel I can help them. Wow, that is so messed up.
The last couple of months I don't respond and don't accept these phone calls and strangely - may of these same people now stay away from me. I have told them that I am not able to just listen to their problems and that I am not a therapist. I would like a mutual friendship - if this is a friendship, but if I am your sponsor then you need to do your part.
So many needy people out there who don't really want to change but just want someone else to tell them what to do and also tell them what an awesome and amazing person they are. Wow, who gets that other than a very young child (if you are lucky). I have had to make some huge changes in how I deal with program people, and that has meant being very careful about who I talk to and how. Lots of strong boundaries and me not falling into the 'oh, I'll help you,' trap. Giving too much to needy people just sucks you dry and leaves you with nothing for your own life and family, friends.
Great thread, thank you for posting it.
I kind of fell into the trap of thinking well, I must be something special that they all feel I can help them. Wow, that is so messed up.
The last couple of months I don't respond and don't accept these phone calls and strangely - may of these same people now stay away from me. I have told them that I am not able to just listen to their problems and that I am not a therapist. I would like a mutual friendship - if this is a friendship, but if I am your sponsor then you need to do your part.
So many needy people out there who don't really want to change but just want someone else to tell them what to do and also tell them what an awesome and amazing person they are. Wow, who gets that other than a very young child (if you are lucky). I have had to make some huge changes in how I deal with program people, and that has meant being very careful about who I talk to and how. Lots of strong boundaries and me not falling into the 'oh, I'll help you,' trap. Giving too much to needy people just sucks you dry and leaves you with nothing for your own life and family, friends.
Great thread, thank you for posting it.
If I offer suggestions and constantly hear, "Yes, but..." Well, perhaps someone else can try.
However, I am careful not to drive people away from AA. If someone isn't ready to get sober I can understand that. (Nobody could tell me anything back in the day.)
It might seem clear as day their life is a train wreak but if they can't see it.... not much you can do.
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