If you want what we have then do what we do
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
If you want what we have then do what we do
I would look around and think things like - man, I really don't want that guys life/problems or that fellas wife - or his job / house / car etc. I already had those things I wanted and my own problems. I don't get it.
One day not long ago I listened to a friend share about an ordeal they had been through. I pondered the courage that took and thought about my lack there of at times. I heard you share about a costly mistake that could have been covered up at work but you had to be honest and the faith it took.
More was revealed to me during at the time - that's what I want, not the visible but the unseen. The character assets / virtues others have that I am lacking in varying degrees.
Honesty, hope and faith - I desire those to be cornerstones.
Perseverance - not necessarily my strong point in affairs other than not
drinking one day at a time.
Brotherly love, justice and service. Keep showing me how.
Thanks for being there in the rooms and staying, so that I may wake up and realize I want what you have.
And maybe your car......
One day not long ago I listened to a friend share about an ordeal they had been through. I pondered the courage that took and thought about my lack there of at times. I heard you share about a costly mistake that could have been covered up at work but you had to be honest and the faith it took.
More was revealed to me during at the time - that's what I want, not the visible but the unseen. The character assets / virtues others have that I am lacking in varying degrees.
Honesty, hope and faith - I desire those to be cornerstones.
Perseverance - not necessarily my strong point in affairs other than not
drinking one day at a time.
Brotherly love, justice and service. Keep showing me how.
Thanks for being there in the rooms and staying, so that I may wake up and realize I want what you have.
And maybe your car......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: California
Posts: 2,722
Interesting, Fly n Buy. I've experienced something similar--going to a meeting thinking I have a problem or a challenge...
Then listening to the shares, I silently thank God that I don't have his or her problems. I gladly keep my own. I'm filled once again with gratitude when I leave.
It's easy to say good stuff while in a meeting. It's what I do and say when I don't think anyone is watching that counts.
It sounds like you are trudging the road of happy destiny. Keep up the good work.
Then listening to the shares, I silently thank God that I don't have his or her problems. I gladly keep my own. I'm filled once again with gratitude when I leave.
It's easy to say good stuff while in a meeting. It's what I do and say when I don't think anyone is watching that counts.
It sounds like you are trudging the road of happy destiny. Keep up the good work.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I was told early on to look for similarities not comparisons- someone's problems always seem worse or "better" than ours....and definitely focus on the unseen, as you said.
For me, ultimately this sentence/maxim means that I want the peace, joy and hopefulness that "those people" I have....and I do. I pay close attention- "still," at 479 days, which is young!- to what they do, how they talk about SOLVING and HANDLING life's problems, their attitudes, everything I can to glean how they live good recovered lives. Working pretty well for me when I do this, which since my problem has been removed and I work a very diligent program daily....is most of the time. And I know what to do when I am disturbed, emotional shaky, etc.
For me, ultimately this sentence/maxim means that I want the peace, joy and hopefulness that "those people" I have....and I do. I pay close attention- "still," at 479 days, which is young!- to what they do, how they talk about SOLVING and HANDLING life's problems, their attitudes, everything I can to glean how they live good recovered lives. Working pretty well for me when I do this, which since my problem has been removed and I work a very diligent program daily....is most of the time. And I know what to do when I am disturbed, emotional shaky, etc.
c011:
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
I was never one to compare myself to others in AA. I know where my head was at when I entered the rooms for the first and can emphasize with others new to the program. But what others achieve or don't achieve really has little to do with me.
The quality I find most appealing is the ability to handle adversity well. I read a news report a few years back about a fellow who lost his restaurant during a typhoon. He sent his wife/daughter to live with her parents in another city. Then he got a hot plate and began selling bowls of noodles and other foods on the street corner. He was starting over from square one.
Now that is the kind of person I truly admire.
The quality I find most appealing is the ability to handle adversity well. I read a news report a few years back about a fellow who lost his restaurant during a typhoon. He sent his wife/daughter to live with her parents in another city. Then he got a hot plate and began selling bowls of noodles and other foods on the street corner. He was starting over from square one.
Now that is the kind of person I truly admire.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yes. I never realised before getting sober that I was inherently dishonest. Both to other people and to myself. Sure, I'd make sure there was 'just enough' truth to make it plausible, but never at the risk of someone discovering the awful truth - that I made a mistake or did something wrong or was not as good as the next person.
The biggest gift of sobriety has been the serenity I have found that comes with honesty and integrity. When what we think, say and do are the same thing, that's when we are closest to our Higher Power and we find peace. Who'd have guessed it eh?!?!
The biggest gift of sobriety has been the serenity I have found that comes with honesty and integrity. When what we think, say and do are the same thing, that's when we are closest to our Higher Power and we find peace. Who'd have guessed it eh?!?!
Trudgin
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Ken33xx 
The quality I find most appealing is the ability to handle adversity well. .
I thought of the many times I drank my way through adversity.
Funerals, ex-gals and leaving jobs. Births, deaths and stubbing my toe. I had to find different solutions. I too admire the guy you mentioned in your story. How could we not - very laudable. But certainly wasn't me.
I'd keep moving - but very resentfully blaming others for my lot. This is why I desire what I have seen alcoholics achieve while certainly not discounting the qualities of non alcoholics.
There is something in my experience in witnessing the transformation of the guy who was literally green coming in and watching him persevere, to be honest and be an object lesson of hope.
God bless the typhoon survivors and bootstappers who overcome such ordeals, truly remarkable. But the burning bush is right there in front of me, daily.
Compare? Not really - more as you stated = admiration.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I have been reflecting on this for a while, trying to recall how it looked through my eyes, at the time I came in from the cold. And it was cold out there,no friends, no job, no money, no home, just fear and insanity for company.
I thought about the warm welcome I got. The smiling people who seemed happy, seemed loving towards me and each other. There was something special in that room. But that wasn't what I wanted. What they had was beyond my experience.
The number one thing I wanted, that drove me in desperation to the rooms as an absolute last resort, the thing they had found which I could not, was an end to the misery that was my life. They were my last hope for a solution to the fear, the loneliness, the despair, the physical decay that is part of end stage alcoholism.
An end to the misery and hope for a better life. That is what I saw, and what I wanted. I got vastly more than that.
I thought about the warm welcome I got. The smiling people who seemed happy, seemed loving towards me and each other. There was something special in that room. But that wasn't what I wanted. What they had was beyond my experience.
The number one thing I wanted, that drove me in desperation to the rooms as an absolute last resort, the thing they had found which I could not, was an end to the misery that was my life. They were my last hope for a solution to the fear, the loneliness, the despair, the physical decay that is part of end stage alcoholism.
An end to the misery and hope for a better life. That is what I saw, and what I wanted. I got vastly more than that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
It's all about the ability to handle the ups and downs of life with out drinking or something else.
Action is the key. If you want a helping hand look at the end of your arm.
God helps those who help themselves. pray to the burning bush if need be but faith without action usually gets you nowhere
I've noticed a number of members over the years who hide in aa. easier to hide than get out of one's comfort zone. It's not about the rooms for me. It's all about how I handle life outside
.
Action is the key. If you want a helping hand look at the end of your arm.
God helps those who help themselves. pray to the burning bush if need be but faith without action usually gets you nowhere
I've noticed a number of members over the years who hide in aa. easier to hide than get out of one's comfort zone. It's not about the rooms for me. It's all about how I handle life outside
.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
I'm comfortable in AA which is important. Unfortunately for some (both in/out of AA) their fears have become a source of entertainment. They hate the boogeyman but can't live without him.
When I joined I believed those in the rooms were sober. I believed it when they said they had been sober for years. This is what I wanted. I wanted to get sober. My life had become so unmanageable that even I could see it.
However, I was 35 when I joined and could sense some AA members were a bit nutty. It was those who didn't rigorously preach the program I ended up gravitating towards. They had what I wanted. They were sober and appeared (at least on the surface) to have it together outside the rooms.
When I joined I believed those in the rooms were sober. I believed it when they said they had been sober for years. This is what I wanted. I wanted to get sober. My life had become so unmanageable that even I could see it.
However, I was 35 when I joined and could sense some AA members were a bit nutty. It was those who didn't rigorously preach the program I ended up gravitating towards. They had what I wanted. They were sober and appeared (at least on the surface) to have it together outside the rooms.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Great post, Fly..
I have to be reminded about many things daily... thanks for sharing!
"They hate the boogeyman but can't live without him."
Wow, I've never heard this before.. I was this person years ago.. powerful stuff, Ken.. thanks!!
Mike, I always get a lot out of your thoughts, thank you!!
I have to be reminded about many things daily... thanks for sharing!
"They hate the boogeyman but can't live without him."
Wow, I've never heard this before.. I was this person years ago.. powerful stuff, Ken.. thanks!!
Mike, I always get a lot out of your thoughts, thank you!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,945
When it said do you want what we have it meant to me over 300 promises lets say results from living by Spiritual Principles in the book AA and 12n12. So I have some results and hopefully keep living by Spiritual Principles and get some more a day at a time those badly burned by alcohol don't recover over night yes that's me. Yes I know I posted I'm cured and recovered but really I'm recovering there is know cure and you can recover from a gunshot wound and get shot again. Yes I'm beginning to straighten out mentally and physically yes the tenth step results are starting to come true in my life. A honest desire has to be a desire everyday for the rest of my life. Honest desire to live by a way of living that really works why I don't know but it has for many. And will for me if I get enough of me out of the way and put God first always!!!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I guess context is important here. In terms of the program, "If you have decided you want what we have..." is a critical juncture. It is the point at which our readiness to take certain steps is established.
Therefore it must be very important to understand what it is we have that you want. In the book so far we have had a look at the problem, and been shown the spiritual solution. Could that be the question the book asks? Do we want the spiritual solution or not. If we do, then we are ready to take certain steps? All of this part of the book, the first part of chapter five, is an introduction to step three.
My understanding of what it was that people had, changed dramatically over time. Initially I thought anyone with a few weeks sobriety was amazing. I thought they must all be incredibly honest and on the program. Just shows in terms of character assessments and judgements about how people got on in the world outside, my ability was sadly lacking.
I had to take everything at face value based on my very limited experience. I found out that not everyone was a saint, nor was everyone even alcoholic. I learned to be selective about who I mixed with. Stick with the winners, and people have feet of clay were two applicable sayings.
Learning who did what and why all took time and experience, neither of which I had when confronted with the question " do you want what we have".
There was something there, in some, maybe even most of the people that I saw with my naieve eyes. It was a way out, a spiritual way out perhaps, but a way out that appeared might work for me.
I was not in the least concerned with the behaviour of others at that time, but I was very concerned about my behaviour and I saw how it would have to change if I wanted what they..we.. had.
Therefore it must be very important to understand what it is we have that you want. In the book so far we have had a look at the problem, and been shown the spiritual solution. Could that be the question the book asks? Do we want the spiritual solution or not. If we do, then we are ready to take certain steps? All of this part of the book, the first part of chapter five, is an introduction to step three.
My understanding of what it was that people had, changed dramatically over time. Initially I thought anyone with a few weeks sobriety was amazing. I thought they must all be incredibly honest and on the program. Just shows in terms of character assessments and judgements about how people got on in the world outside, my ability was sadly lacking.
I had to take everything at face value based on my very limited experience. I found out that not everyone was a saint, nor was everyone even alcoholic. I learned to be selective about who I mixed with. Stick with the winners, and people have feet of clay were two applicable sayings.
Learning who did what and why all took time and experience, neither of which I had when confronted with the question " do you want what we have".
There was something there, in some, maybe even most of the people that I saw with my naieve eyes. It was a way out, a spiritual way out perhaps, but a way out that appeared might work for me.
I was not in the least concerned with the behaviour of others at that time, but I was very concerned about my behaviour and I saw how it would have to change if I wanted what they..we.. had.
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