Should I go ahead and work the steps myself until I get a sponsor?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 471
Should I go ahead and work the steps myself until I get a sponsor?
Hi everyone, I have a question and thought I'd post it here and get some guidance. I have had a hard time finding a sponsor. I will put more effort into it this weekend, but they are hard to come by in my town and I want to move forward on the steps.
Is there anything wrong with just going ahead with them on my own?
Is there anything wrong with just going ahead with them on my own?
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Nothing wrong with that, though a sponsor can offer much useful advice. You will need a person to help you with step five. Priests are good value for that.
The founder of AA in NZ was two years on his own, big book and steps, before he found another alcoholic to work with and was able to form the first group. It can be done.
Some may counsel delay. My question for them is how long do you have to treat your alcoholism before the obsession will return? I don't know and neither do they. The safest course is to get on with it.
The founder of AA in NZ was two years on his own, big book and steps, before he found another alcoholic to work with and was able to form the first group. It can be done.
Some may counsel delay. My question for them is how long do you have to treat your alcoholism before the obsession will return? I don't know and neither do they. The safest course is to get on with it.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I say yes, go ahead - but focus on 1-3. I am 151 days today and just actively on 3 with one of my two sponsors; we are doing a workbook called A Woman's Way through the 12 Steps, which has exercises and discussion points that are great for actively working each. She also gave me a companion journal called Breathing Under Water by Richard Rohr - excellent book. You can also add non-BB material to your work - RR devotionals and a daily devotional called Keep It Simple: Daily Meditations for 12 Step Beginning and Renewal are two things on my daily routine. I also read p 85-88 and the St Francis prayer (from step 11) every day. That really reinforces the spiritual part of this process.
With my other sponsor, we are reading through the BB from the beginning. We are now discussing my step 4; as we have read, she has pointed out where each of the 12 arises from the inception of AA and we discuss. The steps also actively come up every time I talk to each sponsor. Since we are at a little different spots, so to speak, in each relationship, I am now looking at which to keep as my only sponsor, perhaps.
And, really, it all goes back to Step One - everything is related to it.
If you don't have a sponsor- I did not get my original one til 97 days since I didn't feel the urge or connection to ask anyone til then - then meetings and studying the BB -and asking a LOT of questions as was suggested here- could be your initial work.
Whatever you do, keep going, reading and trying!!
With my other sponsor, we are reading through the BB from the beginning. We are now discussing my step 4; as we have read, she has pointed out where each of the 12 arises from the inception of AA and we discuss. The steps also actively come up every time I talk to each sponsor. Since we are at a little different spots, so to speak, in each relationship, I am now looking at which to keep as my only sponsor, perhaps.
And, really, it all goes back to Step One - everything is related to it.
If you don't have a sponsor- I did not get my original one til 97 days since I didn't feel the urge or connection to ask anyone til then - then meetings and studying the BB -and asking a LOT of questions as was suggested here- could be your initial work.
Whatever you do, keep going, reading and trying!!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Some VERY good advice so far Karen. I would start ASAP. Do your best on steps 1-3 by yourself (if you need to) but I suggest you work with someone for the subsequent steps.
I did the first step before I attended my first meeting.
I did the first step before I attended my first meeting.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Hi Karen do not see any reason not to go ahead on your own , simplicity is key there are no hidden meanings , they are written in simple language so apply what the Step lays out . An alternative (which I am not fond) is the 12x12 with long winded explanations which can ''complicate '' . Step 5 needs another human being .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
To be honest...
To be honest the best sponsors I had and still do, as the guy who handed them to me himself said when he handed me a copy of one of 'Charlie & Joe's: Big Book Study Meetings' now commercially available together with a written transcript in book form.
The late Charlie Parmley and Joe McQuany have helped many people all over the world...
The late Charlie Parmley and Joe McQuany have helped many people all over the world...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
The Joe and Charlie speaker tapes really helped me as well. Their step study tapes are available to listen to for free on the web.
Google Dallas B fourth step and he has some really good material for that which follows the BB.
My problem was I was stuck in over complication and wasn't progressing. My sponsor helped me simple down and get moving.
Best wishes to you. Knowing what I know now I wouldn't hesitate to do them again.
Google Dallas B fourth step and he has some really good material for that which follows the BB.
My problem was I was stuck in over complication and wasn't progressing. My sponsor helped me simple down and get moving.
Best wishes to you. Knowing what I know now I wouldn't hesitate to do them again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 471
I am loving the Joe and Charlie talks. One of the things they emphasize is the importance of the steps. They say, "the fellowship won't keep you sober". I know that's true from experience, but I never thought of it that way.
I've been at this a long time, and I feel like it's the not working the steps that has been my downfall!
I've been worried and sad that the fellowship in my area seems difficult to become a part of. I have a lot of social anxiety. But I'm thinking I can just not worry about it anymore...Just focus on working the steps.
Joe and Charley say the fellowship is important, but the steps are what is vital.
If I am putting my life in God's hands completely, and doing what I can to work the steps to the best of my ability, then I must have faith that He will give me what is necessary to stay sober.
Am I right in my thinking on this?
I've been at this a long time, and I feel like it's the not working the steps that has been my downfall!
I've been worried and sad that the fellowship in my area seems difficult to become a part of. I have a lot of social anxiety. But I'm thinking I can just not worry about it anymore...Just focus on working the steps.
Joe and Charley say the fellowship is important, but the steps are what is vital.
If I am putting my life in God's hands completely, and doing what I can to work the steps to the best of my ability, then I must have faith that He will give me what is necessary to stay sober.
Am I right in my thinking on this?
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Honouring your soul...
In my efforts to make spiritual progress I , after a number of years sobriety developed an interest in Stoic philosophy which I was attracted to because in any ways it reflects the words of 'The Serenity Prayer' ... which is actually referred to in two of the now growing collection of books I have on the subject.
One of the most striking things about it is the idea of 'honouring your soul', Epictetus, a former lame slave who, along with Marcus Aurelius and Seneca one of the three most noted Stoic philosophers even in the present day. Refers to the fact that,'we're all just little souls dragging a corpse around,'... which to me in handing my life and will over to the God of my understanding means I am returning to God, what He, She or It already gave me and in doing so am honouring my soul. Something I was meant to do all along, before my drinking which is just a symptom of my alcoholism, got in the way...
Do this and you will never do anything better in your life, guaranteed!
One of the most striking things about it is the idea of 'honouring your soul', Epictetus, a former lame slave who, along with Marcus Aurelius and Seneca one of the three most noted Stoic philosophers even in the present day. Refers to the fact that,'we're all just little souls dragging a corpse around,'... which to me in handing my life and will over to the God of my understanding means I am returning to God, what He, She or It already gave me and in doing so am honouring my soul. Something I was meant to do all along, before my drinking which is just a symptom of my alcoholism, got in the way...
Do this and you will never do anything better in your life, guaranteed!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Yes - go ahead and work 1-3 by yourself if you need to. It took me a while to find a sponsor, too. And really, I haven't done that much with her because I did 1-5 in outpatient treatment.
I second the recommendation of "A Woman's Way Through the 12 Steps." My AA club has a women's meeting and that's the book we are going through right now. I have the workbook also, and am working on that on my own. It really helps.
I second the recommendation of "A Woman's Way Through the 12 Steps." My AA club has a women's meeting and that's the book we are going through right now. I have the workbook also, and am working on that on my own. It really helps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 471
I had a hard time with step one, but got some help on here and also listening to Joe and Charlie tapes. I got step one, finally. Steps two and three are really easy for me, because I have a strong belief in God and have always been a spiritual seeker.
So, now I'm ready for step four and need to get on it. Still no sponsor, but when the student is ready, the teacher appears, right? So one is right around the corner so long as I keep looking for her and going to meetings.
I'm going to go ahead and start my step four. Joe and Charlie are all about keeping it simple, I'm going to do it the way they suggest, straight from the Big Book. By the time I'm finished, I'll either have a sponsor or will have to go to a counselor.
I don't want to be moving too fast, but I feel from what I read in the big book and what I've heard on the AA speaker tapes I've listened to, that I should keep it up if I want to stay sober, and I do!
I'm going to listen to the Dallas B speaker about the fourth step and am still hoping to order the Breathing Underwater book.
Thanks to all of you for your help!
So, now I'm ready for step four and need to get on it. Still no sponsor, but when the student is ready, the teacher appears, right? So one is right around the corner so long as I keep looking for her and going to meetings.
I'm going to go ahead and start my step four. Joe and Charlie are all about keeping it simple, I'm going to do it the way they suggest, straight from the Big Book. By the time I'm finished, I'll either have a sponsor or will have to go to a counselor.
I don't want to be moving too fast, but I feel from what I read in the big book and what I've heard on the AA speaker tapes I've listened to, that I should keep it up if I want to stay sober, and I do!
I'm going to listen to the Dallas B speaker about the fourth step and am still hoping to order the Breathing Underwater book.
Thanks to all of you for your help!
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
'What have we learned so far?
The following is from an essay in 'The Keillor Reader' an anthology of Garrison Keillor's forty years of storytelling as a writer, author and broadcaster ... which is the title of this response...
' There isn't a lot you can do but you ought to do that much and if find you do you'll likely find there is more you can do and try to do that too.When all is said and done, there is more to be done and that goes without saying.'
Works for me!
' There isn't a lot you can do but you ought to do that much and if find you do you'll likely find there is more you can do and try to do that too.When all is said and done, there is more to be done and that goes without saying.'
Works for me!
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