yeahgr8

Well like the title said i drunk again after 5 odd years.

It was a company event on an awards evening wherein we had been nominated. I got all dressed up in the tuxedo and went in a taxi to the event along with 3 guys about 10 years my junior. By the time we had gotten to the event i had made my mind up to drink. I walked in and a lady handed each of us a glass of champagne, i saw one of the other ladies was offering soft drinks but took the champagne regardless. So i stood by the bar with the team and had a couple of glasses of champagne and then throughout the night had a few moe glasses of wine with the meal and afterwards. After the meal the younger guys started buying jaegermeister bombs (shot in a red bull) which i declined as i did not want one. I got a taxi home with my boss and went to the Hotel bar to buy a large bottle of water and went to bed. All in all it was quite normal drinking by comparison with all the normal drinkers BUT...

I have felt physically crap for the past week now. I know that the other guys have not. The night was not more fun with the alcohol than without it. I know that i lit a match to gasoline and got away with it, that might not be the case next time.

I am glad it happened, goodness knows why it took so long? I have got all the bases covered when there is hardship or life problems but have got caught out on the time when things are going well again.

I will be much more vigilant from now on and have a firm commitment that i want to remain abstinent. I am going to start doing all the things i have been procrastinating on for a number of years now too. I have been using sobriety as an excuse to not have to do much and haven't changed as much as i want/need to!

It's pretty amazing that i would have taken that risk though considering where i came from, humility has knocked hard on my door!

Fly N Buy

Congratulations

I am curious about your name - yeahgr8? Did you use to drink jaegermeister or is meaning completely different??

Fly

silentrun

I went into "I'm doing it" mode once. I only had about 90 days in and it was precipitated by quitting smoking. Yup, learned my lesson. 3 drinks and I paid for it for 3 days afterward. From all I have read recommitting is the key to long term sobriety. I would consider 5 odd years long term though. Do you have any insight why you decided you needed to do this after that long.

Pagekeeper

Glad you are being honest. Has it been building for a while? Or did you literally, without warning, get the idea to drink on the drive over and it had not crossed your mind at all in the recent days past?

Either way, pretty scary stuff. Are you currently working with a sponsor or sponsoring others? What is your plan now?

Feel free to PM me if I can help.

escapethecycle2

**** happens. You already know in your mind that you can beat alcohol after all the time that you have been sober. You are so much stronger than you know, and you have already overcome the idea that alcohol is going to control your life. Just know that alcohol kicked your ass when you took those drinks, and it will do it again if you let it. Its like having a ****** dog that you tie to a tree that you inherited from your grandma who is deceased. She loved the dog, but you don't. It has attacked you when you have gotten close, and after being torn up and beaten by this dog you have tied it to a tree....Well, you got too close and it bit you. You knew it would but you thought you were stronger now. you have a wound. Let it heal, but learn your lesson. Don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself. It already beat you up the other night. Does it make sense to into your house with a bloody hand and poor salt on it? No. bandage it up, let it be a reminder, let yourself heal, and stay away from the beast. IT WILL BITE.

Dee74

Damn I thought this was gonna be one of those stupid joke threads.

Thanks for sharing that C. A great reminder of how relentless this thing is.
How are you doing now?

D

yeahgr8

I'm doing ok thanks Dee, looking forward to going to work tomorrow for 2 more days as i like the job then weekend time

I didn't feel i needed to drink, had any cravings, had any battle with booze whatsoever for the last 5 years, had to exert any willpower not to drink etc. I drank because i thought that things would be different and wanted to be able to enjoy the night with a few drinks like everyone else. I was feeling good, no problems, didn't feel uncomfortable.

I'm just going to get on with my life and try and allow myself to do more things now and look at this as a turning point. This time round i don't want to be so rigid and so hard on myself and everyone else. I don't know what else to say? I just don't want to drink alcohol as it has an adverse reaction on me physically and mentally and i don't want to have to manage moderating it as the cons outweigh the pros.

Good to be a newcomer again, start from scratch, i'm ok with that.

Aellyce

Hi yeahgr8, I think I'm like you in some ways. I'm most prone to drinking when things go well, or best... I totally relate to your imagery.

I'm still a ~9-month sober newbie, and as I said I relate to your triggers.
Well, we are here.

Tommyh

how about getting your behind to some AA meetings?

Hevyn

Good that you wanted to talk about it. I had it happen a few times & it just strengthened my resolve. (Wasn't really fun at all, & not worth it.)

Carlotta

I drank after 5 years too and for some years I could handle it until I found myself sitting alone in that dark pit, suicidal and knowing I was getting close to drinking 24/7 again.
My point is that while most alcoholics pick up right where they left at, some of us don't but one way or another it will catch up on us (like playing Russian roulette).
Don't make the mistake I made (I was out for 6 years), get your self to an AA meeting and rework the steps now.

We re here for you

CAPTAINZING2000

Guilt and alcohol don't mix well.

Glad, you're still around my friend

Hollyanne

Champix.
I just took a gander over to your old threads.
Also, the tone of your recent posts.
Glad you are back.

Caldus

Wow, glad I read this. Great reminder about the cunning, baffling, and powerful nature of alcohol. I've been needing it as I've been on a downward trend with my program lately myself.

tomsteve

I hope getting on with your life involves gettin yer arse to a meeting, talkin to your sponsor and working the program.

Pagekeeper

The obsession to drink is so much more than just a nagging feeling that one wants to drink or "craves" a drink. It is subtle and powerful. It literally convinces us things will be different, contrary to the years of evidence, ruin, and broken hearts we have collected with our many failed attempts to drink socially.

In a way, I think "getting away with it" once is worse than just having a terrible bender that brings one to their knees. I just know for myself if my alkie mind got away with it once, it would surely want to try again. And maybe I am just an extra sick alcoholic, but I also know I would ruminate on that "one time" and use it as an excuse.

Ken33xx

I'm sorry to read about your slip and I wish you all the best.

However, your share is a good example of why I go to meetings on a regular basis.

I don't ever want to forget I am an alcoholic.

ru12

I'm glad that you are ok and didn't have a terrible bender. We are human and imperfect.

Mountainmanbob

Sometimes making the wrong decision (yet again)
can be so convincing.
Bob

SoberLeigh

Thank you so much for your post, yeahgr8. Like Dee I initially thought your post was going to be a "joke post" but then thought "yeahgr8 doesn't strike me as such" so my heart sank. It saddened me to read your post but am so happy that you re-committed to sobriety so quickly and that you didn't particularly find the drinking experience rewarding.

Again, I thank you for your post and your candor and honesty; it is a reminder that the accumulation of sober time offers no sure guarantees of continued success, that there is danger in complacency (a pit I have always struggled with in life) and of the importance of continued vigilance.

I am so glad that you are back, yeahgr8.