JACfl

First, let me say that i'm the family of an alcoholic. I need to understand the significance of these steps, since I can't believe anything he tells me.

From what i've gathered the steps will help you with your behaviors, correct?

This is what I do know...He isn't actively drinking, but he still has the same behaviors/personality as before. He went to IOP, and only got a temporary sponsor while he was in as a requirement for discharge. As soon as discharge happened within 2 wks, he quit AA and dropped the sponsor. He says he is no longer drinking...still, and that he doesn't struggle with wanting to drink. He is trying to convince me that he doesn't need to work the steps, because he's different. He doesn't like AA, all they do is complain.

The problem...
He still is controlling to the point of paranoia. He still doesn't realize what his addiction has done to those around him. He still falls back to the same ole' he's the victim mentality. He still absolutely completely hates himself, and can make no decisions on his own.

My question...
Will doing these steps help with the problem, the behavior? Or is that just plain who he is?

Fly N Buy

Welcome JACfl -

The steps are done as a method for many ( me ) that once sobriety starts is a game plan, if you will of how to be comfortable in your sobriety. It is journey that is reflective of why and what we did and an action plan to move forward.......happy, joyous and free.

There are many other methods - some need and desire face to face support, others do not. SR also helps me be in contact with others a lot!

Love, tolerance and acceptance is a theme regardless of program that I believe most on SR will agree is what we all strive towards. AA - we claim progress, not perfection.

I hope your husband and your family find peace. You may want to try al-anon meetings for families of alcoholics. They do the steps as well!

peace to us all

Eddiebuckle

In my experience, to truly do the steps you need to be honest, open, and willing to go to any length. The lengths required are not that great, simply setting aside fear and reservations and facing things that we would rather stay hidden forever. In the time I have spent in AA since leaving rehab in February 2010, I have seen incredible changes in people who otherwise would have been dead or in jail by now.

Can your family member change for the better? Absolutely - but not until he is willing to do the work, and right now that definitely does not seem to be the case.

sugarbear1

behaviors don't change quickly, even when working those steps.

Change takes time

get to Al Anon and work your own steps so that you can heal, too!

Music

The steps are the "spiritual principles" of Alcoholics Anonymous. DOING the steps won't help the problem. WORKING AND RE-WORKING the steps will.

dsmaxis10

There struggle surrender cycles 1,3,5,7,9 surrender 2,4,6,8 struggle that will take away the obssesion to drink and have a personality change suficent to recover from alcoholism.

digderidoo

You may get a clearer understanding of the steps by attending an Al-Anon meeting, which are for the family of alcoholics. There should be some meetings in your vicinity if there are AA meetings.

whalebelow2

In my understanding the Steps provide a method of obtaining a spiritual awakening.

Replacing bad spirit (alcohol) with good spirit (God)

Taken correctly, they will expel the compulsion to drink, along with most other forms of "self will" run riot that cause an alcoholic to behave quite madly, even when not drinking.

In a nutshell, its a way of getting connected to a God of your own understanding & letting God do for an alcoholic, what we cannot do for ourselves.

If you want some real expert opinion, there is a website called "XA Speakers" and on there search for the "Joe & Charlie" big book study.

That talk / study is the best explanation of the Steps you are ever likely to find in my opinion.

dox

That sentence really struck a chord with me.
That was my view of AA when I was forced to go to meetings by a court order.
It took 20 years of denial for me to get back to AA voluntarily.
In the end, I could admit that I was an alcoholic.
But, I could not own up to the damage that I was doing to my family -- even without a drink.

Denial is a formidable foe.

To answer your question:
Working the steps have solved my problem: myself.
So, I continue to work them.
Yes, the steps can solve our problems . . .
but only if we are willing to work them -- on our selves.

In the mean time, as others have suggested, you might want to check out Al-Anon.
This may be difficult for you, given his controlling attitude.
At least check out their website.
It may help.

Joe Nerv

If he really wants to change, and if he really incorporates the steps into his life, the steps will change his life. Unfortunately, you have no control over either of those things.

The steps will however work the same way for you, even if drinking isn't your problem. That's what Alanon is all about.

MIRecovery

The steps changed me in a dramatic and positive way. They are a road map for a life well lead