ForwardMotion

Hello all, I'm looking to attend my 1st AA meeting (in a very long time) tonight, the only meeting is a closed meeting. I wanted to take a friend (ex) with me for support, would that be frowned upon?

awuh1

Closed meetings are such for a reason. I don't think it's a good idea to attempt to bend the rules while reintroducing yourself to the fellowship. Why complicate things?

ForwardMotion

I suppose I'll wait until the next open meeting I can attend, which will be Saturday. Thank you for the response.

Taking5

A closed meeting is for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking. If your friend wishes to stop drinking, you won't have a problem.

matt4x4

You got to listen to what the open and closed statements say. Listen and learn!

Gottalife

I was at a closed meeting one time when a person in your exact situation turned up. They spoke to a member who went to the chairperson who asked the group if, on this occasion, there were any objections to the meeting being open which would allow the newcomer to stay.

There were none, the group understood its primary purpose (trad 5) so they made it an open meeting.

These days I notice closed meetings are rare around here. Most groups want to carry the message and don't want to put any restrictions on that.

desypete

people come along to there first aa meeting in our area sometimes with a friend who isnt a alcoholic, the group leader will ask anyone in attendance if anyone objects to changing the format to an open meeting, i have never seen anyone object to it changing from closed to open and thats in 10 years

our primary purpose as gotalife mentions is our aims, so i dont think you would have a problem should you go to any aa meeting that is closed but then i dont know about other areas really
good luck and i hope you do go along

Tommyh

we object to it pete
we have closed meetings for a reason,and the group conscience voted to keep it closed so we do
to open it up every time a new face shows up is ridiculous
we send em back to ala non and keep the AA closed

we`re there to stay sober and help others get sober ,we ain`t there to help non alkies

however,if they think they have a problem with alcohol they can stay

desypete

i think you miss the point tommy while i respect your group decision to keep meetings closed, it wasn't about al anon members, what your doing is turning away a alcoholic who is probably scared to come to there first meeting alone without a friend being with them.

thats the only reason we open up closed meetings in our area is because we can not turn alcoholics away, although we could if anyone in the closed meeting objected.

Music

A closed meeting is for alcoholics ONLY. If you introduce your friend at the beginning of the meeting, it'll be up to the group whether he stays or not. If they don't mind him sitting in, it's all good. Just don't try to sneak him in and get started on the wrong foot.

Tommyh

Pete,we don`t turn alcoholics away,we turn non alcoholics in another direction

matt4x4

Normally every meeting I have ever been to the chair person will ask the group. Heck I have been to mens meetings where a woman shows up and we make it mixed. Everyone knows what it is like for their first meeting, no one ever forgets that, and we are trying to get rid of selfishness, self centeredness.

IOAA2

I think a closed step meeting should remain closed because of the nature of some of the steps and concern of the participants disclosing private matters to the “public.”

BE WELL

TSDD

I can think of 5 people I see regularly that went to their first meeting to "support a friend" and were DEFINITELY not alcoholics themselves.

I totally understand the purpose of a closed meeting, but I can tell you I'm not clever enough to know who is or isn't an alcoholic and wouldn't want to be the guy turning away people at the door knowing what fates await us.

IMO possibly saving the life of a newcomer is infinitely more important than me being able to do confession in an AA meeting. If I had my druthers, "closed" meetings could be done kitchen table style like in the old days by invite only and shouldn't be in meeting list books.

matt4x4

Being the chair person in a group is a skilled task, takes guts to cut someone off who is not on topic, or is rambling.

muvinon

I attended a closed meeting that didn't have the courage to actually ask people to leave. The result was one of the more embarrassing AA meetings I've ever attended. A guy came who was clearly NOT even there for alcohol, wasn't alcoholic and didn't relate at all. The leader insisted that he just was in denial. lol*

I gave him an Al-Anon packet after the meeting was over and never returned to that meeting.

If it's closed, it should be closed. That is the group conscience. If the group doesn't respect its own conscience and doesn't ask people to leave, then get honest......and just record it as an open meeting.

This is simple to me. Nothing wrong with open AA meetings. But there IS something wrong with not abiding by a group conscience.

CAPTAINZING2000

We always ask if there is an objection to opening up the meeting for the night.

desypete

i can not get this out of my mind as we all know that no one can be turned away from an aa room who has a drink problem and who has an honest desire to stop drinking

now if a new comer comes along with a friend and you turn the friend away and as a result the new comer doesn't stay either and goes away with the friend then has the meeting breached what aa is all about or not ?

have people put there own needs first above that of helping a new comer ?

the way i am used to dealing with this issue and its one i have seen in countless meetings all over my area is that the leader would ask does anyone have any objection if a friend or family member is allowed to stay with the new comer and the meeting would be declared an open meeting for the night

i dont see what the harm is in this stance ?

but of course if someone does object and i have never seen that happen, then what would happen ?

has anyone been in a meeting where its happend ?

ontherightpath

There is a situation I know of. Where an alanon person just drops in on closed meetings in my town. Whenever they want. And the group has yet to stop this behavior. I haven't been there to object, but if it happens when I am there. I will object. There are open meetings and alanon meetings for a reason. 7 to choose from in fact, in our town. In my opinion, there is a difference between a newcomer, someone who thinks they are potentially an alcoholic or addict, and a nosey warm body.

DeannaM77

Wow. I was planning on attending my first AA meeting on Friday with my sister. Who does drink but is not a alcoholic. We are both really nervous about going but what happens if she is turned away? I would have to go with her and probably never attend another meeting again. I think I am scared now to attend a AA meeting. Glad I came across this thread. FForward motion- did you ever make it to the AA meeting?