Maryjan

Hello all,

I am 23 days sober, and reading the big book. I have been to 2 AA meetings, and found a sponsor, who I am meeting up with this weekend. I am on SR all the time. I feel like I am doing really well.

Do I have to go to 90 meetings in 90 days? I don't want to mess up, and I truly believe I need to work the steps...I want to. But as a mom of 2 young kids, it's very hard to go to meetings, and in all honesty, if I have an hour to myself, I think it's important to hit the gym or just take a bubble bath...taking care of myself is something I am trying to do.

Can I go once or twice a week? Staying sober is very important to me, and I don't want to do it wrong. I hear a voice saying, "It's ok. You are doing it your way, and that is fine.". But I don't know if this is my healthy voice or my sick voice.

Any thoughts very much appreciated.

Can I do on-line meetings?

Boleo

Don't look at it as a rule but rather as a principle. The first 100 members obviously did not do this, there was only 1 meeting per week.

The principle is more important. You will have to do some things that go against your pride and intellect to smash the old principle: "I know best".
90 in 90 is one way to do that but there are alternatives;

Get a sponsor
Work the steps
Follow directions
Read the Big Book
Be of service...ect

omegasupreme

The bubble baths and the gym couldn't fix me, but yes...those things help "along with" NOT "instead of" the things Boleo mentioned.

bellakeller

Did you drink 90 drinks in 90 days?

Maryjan

You mean I can't do 90 bubble baths in 90 days instead?!

Joking aside, thank you. I think this is a struggle with my ego. I don't know what to do anymore.

Mark75

Do the 90 in 90 then, win out over your ego!!

It's all good, go to as many different meetings as you can... and different kinds of meetings.

johndelko408

Sometimes doing the things we don't particularly feel like doing is what helps us the most. The 90 in 90 isn't a rule just a suggestion. My sponsor advised me to go to as many meetings a week as as many days I drank in the week.

yeahgr8

Your time would be best spent in going to meetings and starting work on the steps straight away under the guidance of your sponsor...assuming that your sponsor has worked the steps and had a spiritual awakening as a result...you have the rest of your life for hot baths and the gym...

That said of course you don't have to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, unless you want to...i did 3 a week in the beginning and started work on the steps in the first week....

LexieCat

Hi, Maryjan,

Welcome to the rest of your life! (And by that I mean not only sobriety and bubble baths, but a variety of opinions.)

I did 90 in 90 (if I had to miss a day I made two a day on the weekends), and for me, it was helpful for a few reasons. It represented my personal commitment to sobriety. As the others pointed out, since I drank every day, I could certainly commit an hour a day to make the meetings. Second, it got me to a lot of meetings with different formats and make-up. I enjoyed the rough-around-the-edges clubhouse meetings as much as the "people who look like me" meetings. It reminded me of the things I have in common with ALL alcoholics, not just the ones with backgrounds similar to mine. I saw enough of the same people at some meetings that I got to know people a lot faster, and they got to know me. Third, I filled a lot of the time I would otherwise have spent drinking with listening to, and thinking about, recovery from alcoholism. I wasn't sitting at home in my usual drinking spot trying to figure out what to do with myself. Fourth, it broke through my self-imposed isolation by getting me out amongst the living.

That said, of course there is no requirement that you do 90 in 90. The meetings are not the most important part of recovery in AA.

LetsGoJets

I would suggest you dont take away from your responsibilities (work, kids, etc) in order to go to a meeting. the Big Book doesnt say make 90 in 90, so if you miss dont beat yourself up. When i have a sponsee in a similar position to you, my suggestion would be to make as many meetings as you can but more importantly, meet me on a regular basis so we can begin the recovery process.

i know people here will ID with this-- how many times does a new comer come in, get gung ho in the fellowship, they eventually hit a wall and drink again then say AA doesnt work for them when all they did was come to the fellowship?

I would also recommend making more than 2 in 23 though. that is a very low ratio for a newcomer..

God bless you

DayTrader

Find a good sponsor........then ask him. I don't WANT my sponsees hitting that many meetings around here. too much middle of the road solutions, easy-does-it, don't rush the steps, take what you want/leave the rest, meeting makers make it BS 'round here.

Some ppl need those meetings though.......so no rule is set in stone.

That said, I'd much rather spend a couple hours going through the book and explaining the program than have someone sitting in a meeting getting a head full of junk.

just my opinion

Kjell

Doing 90 in 90 is more about just going to 90 meetings in a row. Yes, you'll get the benefit of the meetings themselves, but more importantly...

It shows willingness.

Kjell

Maryjan

Thank you all very much. I will ask my sponsor to guide me. I don't know how to do this, and I want to know...I want what many of you have found. thank you for helping me.

Antiderivative

Do you have to do 90 in 90? No, but it will immerse you into recovery, allow you to build a support network, and help keep your recovery up front. I personally find the fellowship of alcoholics in recovery a strength in of itself--building bonds, being accountable to others, being of service if needed, etc.

It is also important to take care of yourself and your family. You shouldn't shrug off your responsibilities. Part of recovery is being responsible, accountable, and finding balance. This is definitely a challenge for most newcomers.

However, if you found all that time to drink, then why is it so hard to find an hour to go to a meeting? It is kind of hard for me to believe that you found so much time in the past to drink, but have trouble setting an hour aside for a meeting. As someone else said, you are batting 2/23 and that is low for someone (particularly a newcomer) interested in the fellowship of AA.

Do online meetings count? I don't know. Try some. I personally don't get that much out of them. To me they lack the "human" element. I feel that so much more is said with eyes, mannerism, tone of voice, body language, etc. Sharing ES&H is much more meaningful to me in the flesh than typed words on the screen.

stephnc

I agree with Antiderivative's comment about immersing yourself in the program of AA - that's as much what the 90 in 90 suggestion is about as the 'showing willingness' benefit. I personally found that a good general guideline for me was to go to meetings on more than half of the days of the week...meaning I went to a meeting more often than not during any given week.

I think it's good that you're asking yourself the question about what your motivation is - is it your sick voice or your healthy voice - that shows a good degree of insight on your part to be aware of the fact that you even have both of those voices. When we come into the program of AA we're often told that we shouldn't trust our own thinking about things...but I don't believe that's necessarily the best advice for any given situation. Personally, I'd recommend at least a few more meetings than what you're currently doing, but then again I'm not you - ultimately you're the final authority on what works best for you. And obviously you're doing something right if you've been sober for 23 days...congratulations on that! Keep coming back and letting us know how it's going, Maryjan. We're all 100% behind you.

Stephanie

Veritas1

It was suggested to me to go to a meeting daily.

It was suggested that if I don't have my sobriety nothing else matters. It needs to be a priority.

I was told...in early sobriety we keep it simple. We go to a meeting daily. We don't drink in between meetings. We get a sponsor and work the steps, read our book, pray, call 3 people per day from the fellowship, be of service... get one service commitment at one group/meeting you attend...even if it's the smallest thing like helping straighten out the chairs, or help with cleaning up after the meeting, or be a greeter... smile, and say hello to others.

In the chapter "A Vision For You" it reads:

"Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone's house did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer."

Seeing much of each other...

Scarce an evening passed that there was no gathering...

They are there for you. Don't miss it.

Maryjan

Thanks again, everyone. I will talk to my sponsor about it, and report back.

keithj

Ah ha! That's the substantial difference between gatherings at the time the BB was written and a lot of meetings today. That fellowship of the spirit composed of recovered alcoholics carrying the message to the newcomer.

I think 90 in 90 is a great thing. I'm sure I did far more than that in my first 3 months of sobriety. It did not, however, replace meeting with my sponsor and going over the work I had done in the book. It did not replace taking the Steps that led me to a god of my understanding.

PaperDolls

I didn't do 90 in 90 but lots of people have and it worked for them. You don't HAVE to do anything .... but taking suggestions is a good idea. 90 in 90 isn't in the Big Book .... I don't know where that came from (anyone know?) but it sure can't hurt. You can never get too much recovery.

I can understand being a busy mom but remember going to meetings (in lieu of a bubble bath) IS taking care of yourself. Being sober has to be #1. It is for me.

Tommyh

did you ever drink every day for 90 days?
did you ever think of drinking every day for 90 days?