Great job working through your cravings! :You_Rock_

Heres a link B http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Day 26.

I have been thinking about why I actually drank recently, or at least what I told myself my reasons were. I'm going to try and completely dispel them below.

Sleep - A big one for me - I initially turned to alcohol after a heavy bout of insomnia when I was 18.

Misconception - Alcohol helps me get a restful nights sleep. I will never sleep without it. I will toss and turn all night and be exhausted in the morning.

Reality - Alcohol inhibits sleep and causes insomnia. 26 days into sobriety now and I am sleeping GREAT. For the first time in years I have slept through until the morning without waking up. All because I am not pouring alcohol down my throat.

Relaxation -

Misconception - Alcohol helps me unwind at the end of the day, it makes me relaxed.

Reality - Alcohol does not provide us with, or aid us in the pursuit of relaxation, it intoxicates us and numbs us. Relaxation is defined as 'the state of being free from tension and anxiety'. Far from being free from tension and anxiety, I am in a complete panic trying to think of where I will get my next drink, how I will hide it from family and friends etc. The drowsy, intoxicating feeling we get from it is not relaxation, you might as well ask someone to wallop you over the head with a breezeblock and knock you out for a few hours.

Sociability

Misconception - Its not possibile to go to social functions without a drink, or people will think i'm boring.

Reality - My brain still tries to trick me on this one, but there is no less sociable person than me whilst drinking. It is utter codswallop that I try and tell myself I am more social if I have a drink. On the contrary, I won't even leave my flat, and if I do, I will be either withdrawn (too busy focusing on my next drink), or spouting alcohol induced babble. No meaningful social bond will be the result of any of the above. I am far more likely to enjoy myself with a clear head and conscience.

Taste

Now this one really has me thinking, and questioning whether I even liked the taste of beer (I certainly didn't like the taste of wine or spirit, but I still drank it if there was no beer).

Why do we all tell ourselves that beer tastes good? Does it really? Is it really delicious like fruit juice, or a coca cola? If I am honest with myself, its nowhere near, and Ihave been kidding myself on liking the taste of all these craft ales I was well known for raving on about. The taste is completely secondary to the substance, and was an excuse to enable my drinking. Does this not explain why alcohol free beer has never taken off? Surely if we liked the taste so much, we'd have an alcohol free beer when needing refreshment, rather than consume a drink that actually dehydrates you.





I am slowly starting to see a change in the thought patterns I am encountering with regards to booze, and I am starting to feel more and more confident that I won't fall for my AV's utter rubbish anymore. Long may this continue! Really appreciate this place as a means to get the jumbled thoughts in my head down on paper - or e-paper ;).


I also wrote this earlier and I thought i'd put it out there. Its not really a poem/ song, i'm not sure what it is, just something I felt I needed to get out of my system and written down. Maybe it's a farewell to the substance that I want to be free from:

So great to see you so positive BBB.

Nice realizations, +1 to all of them.

Awesome, BBB. I really admire all the work you are putting into your recovery. "Alcohol induced babble" lol.....

Day 28.

Had a good first meeting with my mental health practitioner today. She is lovely, seemed super impressed with everything I'm doing in my recovery right now. I walked out of there feeling very proud of myself.

Nothing else worth reporting. Plan for the current week is to continue doing what I'm doing. I've decided I'm not ready to go back to work yet, and am already looking into going into teaching when I am on more stable footing.

B

You should be proud of yourself! Doing so well and inspiring others here on SR!

Great news about the meeting. Sounds wise to err on the side of caution and keep putting recovery first :-)

Today is 1 month sober :hyper !

Feeling very proud of myself, and looking forward to many more, as long as I continue working on myself and remain very mindful to the fact that I will never drink again.

Off to see my counsellor this morning, I am sure she will be very happy to hear the news. If you'd said 30 days ago I'd have been sober for a month I'd have drunkenly laughed in your face. Just goes to show how much things can change!
B

Well done.

Had a bit of a bad day today so I'm pretty stressed out but no thoughts of drinking.

I got a letter this morning from work that they are no longer paying me company sick pay (I've been off 4 weeks) and I have been put on the minimum governmental law amount of 70 pounds a week. That's not enough to cover rent never mind bills. I'm at a loss as to what to do as my mental state is not yet well enough for me to return.

I talked about it at length last week with my MH practitioner and we both thought that in a month's time or less I would possibly be ready for a phased return. But I've no idea what I'm going to do money wise until then.

So I'm in a bit of a cul-de-sac... Ive been panicking all day since I read the letter.

At least I'm sober though. I may have to just buckle down financially for a few weeks and see what I can rustle together.
B

That would be stressful for me, also, BBB.

Are you able to utilize the services of a food kitchen or a food bank? That might help a bit.

Do you belong to a Church; some offer emergency aid.

SL,thanks for the suggestion.

I'm not a member of a church group, but I think the addiction services centre I have been attending may be able to direct me somewhere. I think you need referral from social services in the UK to get into a food bank where I am these days. I can certainly check it out if things get that desperate.

My advice is not to panic BBB - check it out, look at all your possible options, and then weigh things up from there :)

D

You should be able to claim housing benefit and council tax benefit for now. It's based on your income and is usually possible to claim even if its only for short term. Can take a bit of time to get a reply but well worth looking at. I would contact them. If your getting no where hit up citizens advice.

Thanks DD! Looks like there is light at the end of the tunnel after all :)

Edit : as I am under 35 and single, it appears I don't 'qualify'!

Happy to help.

Certainly not thinking about drinking, just generally pissed off at life today, my brain is throwing a temper tantrum because it hasn't had its usual stress remedy for 13 days!

My brain has been throwing temper tantrums for a week now! Good way to put it!