Congrats B 2 weeks is a fantastic achievement

Day 16

Been to the Docs this morning. Bloods have come back normal which is a relief :) Straight away my Av was like 'so you can have a drink now huh?'. I managed to banish it to the corner of my mind and kick its ass. A couple of minutes remembering my last detox were more than enough.

In terms of my fit for work note, she won't sign me as fit to work yet because of my mental health, which is probably for the best. I am going great at the moment, but a huge part of that, I believe, is because I am spending 2-3 hours a day working on myself / going to appointments etc. I wouldn't be able to do this whilst at work, and I'm also not sure how well I would currently cope being back in such a stresfull environment so soon.

Other than that I am doing quite well. Still angry at nothing! Have an appointment with my addiction counsellor this afternoon before I hit another SMART meeting tonight. Be nice if I can get out on a quick bike ride as well (if it stops raining in the UK!)

B

Your doing great B congrats on 16 days

Great job on getting appointments and doing pro-active things to care for yourself--sixteen days is a fantastic beginning to a new life

You're worth it :)

Day 17.

I am thinking about going back to work on Monday. I still have over 2 weeks left on my fit note from the Doctor, but I think i'd be better off back in the office, the main downside being that the 2-3 hours a day I am spending working on myself will no longer be as easy. The problem is I worry about what people / managers are going to say when I go back as I have already taken substantial time off for a major depressive episode last year, so I'd rather just go in and get it over with than stew about it at home...

I am going to sleep on it for sure. My family and doc are pretty adament that I shouldn't be going back yet and maybe they are right. In a bit of a muddle about it. I keep reminding myself though that work has to come second to my sobriety as nothing is going to improve without it. Made some huge progress mental health wise the past few weeks, the new medication seems to be helping along with the quite intensive counselling I am now involved in (it sort of feels like im in IOP!).

Apart from th work worrying I'm doing well. Feeling quite good. Been exercising the past 3 days which is helping both my mood and my sleep. So I am trying to give myself a pat on the back.

Realistically though - I am still very young at 23. If I feel I need more time off I should probably take it. Worst case scenario is they let me go and I find a new job. It's not as if I enjoy my current one. I sort of stumbled into a good Graduate scheme straight out of uni for a tech firm, but its not really what Iever wanted to do. Apart from good money for my age, its very stresfull and not particularly conducive to someone who's been battling against multiple issues for a few years now.

Food for thought anyway - sorry for rambling! Time for some Netflix in bed before sleep. Golfing tomorrow, which I selected as my new hobby! Gets me outside which I love, and also gets me some well needed social interaction.

B

Day 18,

Still haven't managed to decide about work. :headbange How stressed out I've gotten myself about it would probably indicate that I'm not ready. . I think ill have a chat with my family and see what they think... :dee

Good stuff B

Day 18, going strong.

Had a good, honest chat with my family this evening and we all came to the conclusion that I will not be going back to work this week after how bad things got a few weeks ago it could probably be a disaster in the making going back into that stressful environment. Finally putting my health first for once.

The main positimes of this are that I can continue the progress I have made over the past 18 days with my therapy, counselling, working on my self etc.

Overall I feel good. I have food in my tummy and I have my health, can't complain at all.

Bring on 3 weeks
B

Excellent post & congrats on 18 days

Day 20

My life is very different from what it was 20 days ago, when I was in what can only be described as a pit of despair.

I am eating well, sleeping well, mentally much more able to cope with the background depression / anxiety I have, and I am exercising every day.

If I keep doing this along with daily participaton in my support groups I do not logically see why I can't get this monkey off my back for good. For me the 'maintenance' stage is the hardest one for me. It is so so important that I keep doing what I am doing, so much so that I am ticking them off as tasks I complete each day. SR in the morning with coffee, CBT work, exercise, SMART meeting, then finally some me time to do whatever my mind wants to do.

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks sober and I can't wait to get that achievement under my belt.

B

Awesome B

3 weeks sober! :dancer5::dancer5:

Feel quite proud of myself.

Yesterday,to celebrate day 20 and as I promised my counsellor, I rode 22 miles off road on my mountain bike. Don't think I've ever been so exhausted but I kept on going and did it :) So I'm looking forward to seeing my counsellor again and showing her pictures so I can prove it!

Quiet day today i think as I'm so sore from yesterday I'm walking like John Wayne... i had the world's slowest crash and I'm pretty beat up down my right side. If only the cameras were there, definite youtube fodder.! I have those clip in bike shoes/pedals that lock your foot in. Problem is when I stopped I forgot I was locked in. So when I tried to put my fpot down on the ground it didn't move and down i went!;
B

You done it B congratulations on 3 beautiful weeks

Day 22

I am in a very good mood tonight :)

Great online SMART meeting this evening. Much was focused on urges but we had a little discussion on mindfulness, deep breathing at the end which I found very interesting and I am going to do some further research on it. A few of us stayed on after the meeting tonight and one of the guys started playing a solo on his electric guitar for us who were left, he is an amazing guitarist. Blows me out of the water for sure!

Early appointment with my addiction counsellor tomorrow. I have not only done the 20 mile bike ride i promised her i would not once, but twice! So feeling quite proud about that.

I will continue with small, positive baby steps and remain confident that my plan of permanant sobriety is more than do-able. I am a different person this past few weeks.

But now..... I am listening to The Smiths and then off to bed :)
B

Really positive thread BringingBackB. Congratulations on three weeks

Way 2 work it B - Yea 22 days !!

Great job, BBB. Reading your posts have been encouraging to me. :c011:

Congrats B

First major urge tonight. Some serious disturbances in the force! :dee :dee

I'm staying with my family tonight in a hotel in Scotland. I should have checked out the hotel first befre arriving so I knew what to expect. Turns out it's basically a pub with 15 or so bedrooms.

We went into the adjoining restaurant for a meal (which was absolutely delicious), but woah boy.... Something definitely reared it's ugly head in there. Pretty much straight away I noticed all the empty wine bottles decorating the place, my mind was romanticising, which then kicked off the urge that as I have my own room, nobody would know if I snuck down to the bar later.

I had to break out my SMART tools right there and then to get through it. I delayed the urge by making sure I ate as much as possible so I had a full stomach, and as soon as I could, got myself outta there and back to my room. I've since added it to my urge log and disputed the urge, had a hot bath and got into my pyjamas ready for bed!

First real urge in 24 days. I could feel myself wavering slightly as well which is why I got outta there.

It really is a cunning little blighter. I hate the stuff and hate how alcohol has made me feel. It's took so much of my self worth and I'm not letting it anymore.

I'm pumped up!
Cup of green tea and a catch up with my SR buddies sounds way more appealing right now.
B

Great job BBB. This experience should give you great confidence and you should be proud of yourself. See, it can be done.