What a lovely bed, Briar!

Mark, have a great trip! Funny, as much of a drunk as I could be, I don't think I ever drank from the room fridge! Too expensive. We would go out and buy beer or wine or ge enjoy the bar. But having it removed is a great idea! Thanks, V. I will hold onto that.

Yeah, I never drank from those hotel fridges either. I agree with Phoebe, way too expensive. I always had at least one bottle of vodka zipped into the lining of my suitcase. When I flew to Manhattan with nothing but a backpack, I bought an overpriced bottle from a crappy liquor store and stashed it in the hotel room. I remember while we were wandering around near Central Park, my husband recommended a little sandwich stand he liked, but they didn't sell alcohol. I gave him such a ration of attitude about choosing some rot-gut, rat-ridden street vendor, when really I was mad because I had sobered up. I made such an exaggerated thing of it that I eventually had to admit that I just wanted a drink, so we got the (totally delicious, turns out) sandwiches and headed to a bar. Like that wasn't a big fat red flag? Years later I still don't think he entirely believes that I'm an alcoholic.

Sadly, hubby and I both wanted the drinks. We always found the brew pubs, or the trendy food pubs, etc. ... More about booze for him, and gluttony for me. My addiction includes eating poorly too. It took lots of food and booze to get me obese and diabetic.

How the heck can he eat and drink more than me and stay so trim??? He wears the same size pants as he did at 25 years old! Still a 32 waist!

A bed fit for your princess to be sure! Those temporary rails bring back memories.

And phoebe, even if I was drinking I wouldn't touch their stuff. No telling what that costs! I've enjoyed all so far, but don't care to spend too much time in Times Square. That place is a bit much for me. I really like lying here looking at all the buildings and lights from the quiet of this room. It's all sparkly out there.

My son was rather afraid in Times Square. So crowded.

I think so much of the weight stuff is in the genes. I didn't gain weight from all the drinking, but I didn't feel good and knew I was jeopardizing my health.

Edit to add that I agree with your son, just too loud and crowded.

Lights out for me....it's been a good but tiring day. Big week ahead.

Good night all

I hope everyone has a good night. I'm feeling pretty horrible tonight, to be honest. Very depressed and hopeless. Intense self loathing, feeling like everything is wrong. A lot of self-destructive thoughts just pop into my mind, but I'm safe right now. I slept on and off throughout the day but still can barely keep my eyes open. Hoping to improve tomorrow. Actually, today wasn't too bad, but for some reason the evening has hit me really hard.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this Briar...all you can do is keep the faith.
If that sounds trite, it isn't meant that way; it's what I do.
I don't like to share a lot of what is happening with me, for a variety of reasons, but the truth is that I wouldn't be able to get through a single day without my faith that things will get better. I keep believing. I keep hoping. I keep reminding myself to be grateful for all that I have and all that I can have. I will never give in to the thoughts that tell me it is all too hard.

OK...headed to bed soon, so love and goodnight to all of you. :grouphug:

Good night V, rest well.

I hope today is a turning point for you briar. I remember once when you were in the midst of a low time that you forced yourself to go for a walk and that it helped. I wish I knew how to help.

Coffee time, then I'm gonna find the gym in this place. Wishing all the very best day. Mark

Love the name and the bed Briar. Hope that today is better for you!

I hope you have a better day, Briar. Know that this is your illness. It always gets better, right? My daughter cycles quickly out of those moods, within 24 hours, but you described the torrent of negative feelings. Can you get out of your head and distract yourself? Are you keeping your husband in the loop about how you feel?

Thanks guys, up and alive this morning. Picked up the house and doing my best to keep up with my daughter's constant demands. I find little kids overwhelming even on my best day. Right now I've got her breakfast plate heaped with snacks and a bottle of water on the coffee table, breakfast...check. We are watching 101 Dalmatians, which is cute in the beginning, but I will duck out when the puppies get kidnapped. Okay, you have to admit, Disney movies are kind of morbid.

My walking buddy will be here shortly, which is really good, I haven't walked in three days. Come to think of it, I don't think I've showered in that long either...should probably take care of that today.

I've told my husband I'm depressed, though it's pretty obvious. He doesn't usually do anything differently, which sucks because some help with the house would be swell. He doesn't care if we live in squalor. I tell him it bothers me, but he says it doesn't matter. Just one of our disagreements. I don't have the energy to argue.

It's 8:15am and I'm ready to go back to bed. And I keep randomly crying for no reason whatsoever. And this movie is horrible. And everything is wrong, everything. Sorry, hopefully the walk will lift my spirits or at least distract me.

I'm really sorry you are going through this Briar. Hope the walk lifts your spirits a bit.

Mark-you have to have bagels while in NY. NY and NJ have great bagels, pizza and Italian bread. Get some really good, crusty bread. I found that so lacking in the South.

I'll do that BD. I really like bagels for breakfast. Picked up our subway passes last night. Gonna do some more aggressive exploring today.

Hugs, Briar. I hope walking helped.

I met a friend for brunch today. She is from out of state but has a house on a lake not far from me and comes here frequently in summer. It was really nice. We met at a place between our homes. She got a brunchy cocktail, and I had iced tea and it was totally comfortable. We only became friends in recent years, so she has never been a drinking friend of mine. The other time we got together was coffee and shopping. I comfortably told her that I was not drinking but to feel free and enjoy! She got the one champagne cocktail and it lasted her the entire meal! I would have drained it before our food arrived and been needing another. Amazing.

Hope everyone is doing ok - I hope the walk helped too Briar :)

D

I would have drained it too phoebe....and I would have had a few prior to lunch and needed to go to the restroom two or three times! Sometimes I just gotta laugh when I look back.

Glad you had a nice time.

Well, far too cold here to work this morning...it's stressing me out. I can't go out there in 42 F and strong winds. Yesterday was the wettest day here since 1990.
So it's pretty soggy out there too....hope my boss has some compassion. I got most of it done. Sigh.

And yes, I know I need a better job. But this is what I have right now.

When I used to go out for lunch with a friend from work, I had at least three beers, and got into trouble from my boss upon returning. They banned me from drinking during work hours. Still not funny to me. I cannot believe the things I did.

you can only do what you can do, V :)

D