So happy to hear you're feeling good, Venus. And Briar, too. :)

Cost of living is so sky high in NYC. I hope you guys find a good fit for him Mark.

How's that precious baby, Arbor?

Phoebe, Is there anything better than a good gab fest with a friend? Sounds like a great time. Enjoy your vacation. :)

Work has been super busy for me too. I'm home a little early, but pretty tired. I'm stuck in a bad coffee cycle, having some to wake up in the morning and sleeping poorly at night. I may need to nix it tomorrow and just crawl through the day.
Stir fry for dinner sounds like a great idea... Better get chopping!
Big hugs all around
:grouphug:

I'll second that Conquest....makes me happy for the gang to have good things going on.

Briar, I hope none of your family is in the path of those monster fires I'm hearing about out from the wine country.

Phoebe, I hope you're gang has a ball at this beach. Do you have to drive around nyc and then down Long Island to get there? I've wondered about ferry service or something from CT or MA. I don't see any more beach time for us this summer....school starts in a couple of weeks. I did just book Bushy Bear Bungalow in northern Georgia for Thanksgiving. We like to get up to that region when we can and we don't have to fly......the little cabin looked nice enough. I've invited my mom and stepdad to join us.

My son has gotten surprisingly quiet about his move. Not sure how to read that, but we'll see soon enough.

Ok, time to go turn on the sprinklers....we're burning up down here. I don't want to think about my next power bill.:dee

DD (also 19) has been on her own in Providence since June 1. She's living in a dump, 4th floor walk up with no air and it's a proving to be a great experience for her. She found the housing through Craig's list (a sublet), paid for it, is buying her own groceries and cooking. I'm looking forward to seeing her this weekend when I visit and it's restaurant week, so that's a real plus. I know that she is looking forward to her meal plan at school in the fall, LOL; she has a new found appreciation for many things. Last time she was home she could not wait to eat my cooking-that was a surprise! She asked me to bring her a large quinoa salad, says it's too expensive for her to make.

Mark, perhaps being on his own will give your son a new perspective.

You make a great point BD. He's gonna get a reality check for sure if my talk with him doesn't change his mind. I don't plan to get into that with him again because I covered my concerns again and voiced my support. He's eager to spread his wings, but that's part of being young. He can't afford a studio in an area that I'm comfortable with and can't sign the lease without me as guarantor.....so I've got to be on board.....and make my wife happy too. So I've been looking through a site called spareroom.com. By splitting a place with someone he can get in a better area, but I'm hesitant to do paperwork, wire money etc. sight unseen. May have to go back up there for a couple of days once things are narrowed down.

At 48 I still love my mom's cooking and am not above dropping not-so-subtle hints about what I'm hungry for. :)

Babe is super gorgeous Conquest! Six weeks and he's filling in nicely. Breast feeding going well. Very textbook stuff over here. I should send ya'll a pic. He's so cute.

I'm exhausted. Wife and I both are. We know what this is like. We've been there. And I'm enjoying it more the second time around.

Everything is good. I couldn't ask for more so I won't.

Brings me to last week. I picked up. Drank a few beers after work. 3-4 beers at the most. Calling it quits after. Been drinking every night since. Each night I notice I'm drinking more. I'm not sure where I'm going now and what to do. I'm thinking I should just try and moderate. All those months sober were great, but I never felt quite right. Something tells me I never will. I felt right when I had that beer last week. It was wonderful. I can't lie. But now not so. Anyways, I'm not sure where I'm going anymore. Lack of sleep will do that. I'm thinking AA eventually, but I'm in it again and not sure I can get out right now.

Love you Guys

If drinking made you feel right you'd have never come here Arbor.
If you'd have been able to moderate you would have done it before.

I understand - noone wants to be an alcoholic - but you could save yourself and your family a lot of angst by ignoring that voice and going back and reading your earliest posts here.

D

Arbor - when I picked up again a couple years ago, I was able to moderate at first, but it quickly got away from me. I think my initial success at moderation perpetuated the relapse because those first couple months of successful moderation lulled me into a false sense of security and belief in my ability to control it. I fear you'll learn the hard way that moderation doesn't work.

I know what you mean about drinking feeling right, and sober life feeling off. I still sense a void in my life and in my mind no matter what I try to fill it with. Sometimes I just want so badly to feel different, even when things are good. It sucks not being able to drink, but reality is it sucks much worse to drink the way we did. There's no option that rocks all the time, but with drinking the bad really does outweigh the good.

Hang in there and keep talking. We get it, and you mean a lot to us.

Exactly. ♥

And as you already noted yourself Arbor, you are drinking more every night.
Please be careful love...your family needs you, and so do we. :hug:

Sorry to hear that Arbor. We are here for you.

Glad you're here with us Arbor, no matter what. I guess only you will know when the scale is tipped and the feel good moments from drinking are over shadowed by the effort it will take to keep the drinking from taking over your life and home.

Be safe.

That's what gets me every time. I came here and continue to come here. I don't know why I need these crappy drunken reminders.

I know this to be true. It happens to me all the time Briar. Starts out all innocent then I'm right back to abusing it again. I mean I already told myself I wouldn't drink yesterday and I did.

I need to nip this in the bud before it get way out of hand. Problem is that sobriety ain't all that either. I don't believe we wake up one day and magically something happens and we're all good. This is a life long crappy deal I have to live with forever. And I still can't fathom never having a beer again. Ugh!!

I've Come so far only to be so far off. Thanks for the support guys. And thanks for listening to my rant.

So much wisdom in these posts... Ive gotta echo Briar here. Sober life isn't easy and it's certainly not all puppies, bunnies, and daisies. But it sure beats the alternative. I tried moderation many, many times. My moderation plans lead me here, like Dee mentioned. During my last slip, my brilliant plan was to just have one. I ended up having 3. 3-4 is not moderation. It's drinking to get drunk. That's a real problem.
I say this because I care about ya and I also need a personal reminder. It'd be so easy to slip back. I think we all know how quickly it can get out of hand. That scares the day lights out of me.
All that said... Be safe and well. I'm glad that precious baby is happy, healthy, and growing. I wish I could help out so you and Mrs. Arbor could get some quality rest. Hang in there, dear friend. And stay close!

I don't think you're far off at all, Arbor. You recognize the signs and know where it can lead. You also know how to abstain because you've done it before. I'd say you're spot on!
The tricky part now is telling your AV to shut it when it throws its tantrums.

All this company in town, booze all over the place, awkward social situations lately has had mine kicking and screaming like mad on several nights lately. You know what I did/am doing? Reverted back to my strategies that got me through October... Junk food, seltzer, long walks, naps, and hiding out with my iPad. Sometimes we just have to go back to the drawing board.

Again, I don't think you're far off at all. You know what it takes.
:a043::a043::a043:

Thank you my sweet, sweet Conquest. I guess 3-4 isn't moderation?? What is moderation now? What are the guidelines now? 1-2? No more than 14 in a week? That's a bunch of bs. No one drinks like that.

I know me. If I'm going to make it I need to join something.

To quote your book recommendation:

"Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it."

Joining something is a great idea. Even just a visit is forward progress and that's what we're all looking for, right? Progress, not perfection.

(Don't forget to wear your nikes though...in case you need a quick exit. Lol)

And I love that quote. So very true.

Yeah, right? I'm nervous about the whole AA thing for reasons the others have shared here. Professionally, mostly. But the more I think of it the more I feel it's the best option. It's free, it's convenient, and the group face to face interaction is what I need.

I don't think you're far off either Arbor. Dang, I wish I had been as insightful as you are when I was your age a decade ago.

I've read those guidelines of drinking units etc.. It absolutely is confirmation for me that I'm an alcoholic (still hard to type that). I don't give a s@#t about drinking one beer. I want six. Mon. through Thurs. after work. I want six to nine on Friday evening and to wake up with no hangover Saturday. I want 12 to 14 on Saturdays and Sundays....more if their is a social occasion....with no consequences on Monday. If I can't have that, and I can't, then it's got to be nothing. Guess what....I would be neglecting my family while drinking all that too. The fact that I would still likely choose the drinking if I could do it like I just described says loads about my relationship with alcohol.....toxic.

You're just saying what you feel Arbor. I know how you feel and am pulling for you.

Thanks for writing that Mark. That's the way it is for me too. That thinking that says I can do it every once in a while isn't right. That's the bottom line.

Well said, Mark. "With no consequences" stood out to me most. We all know the consequences are inevitable. Moderation, however we define or attempt it, is merely a series of speed bumps along the way to the consequences of neglecting our loved ones, health issues, emotional issues, etc.

Again, this is a good reminder for me too. That's why I'm so glad yall are here and willing to share your experiences. Although we're all very different, we have a huge commonality. Drinking doesn't work for us. (Or we wouldn't have googled upon S.R. in the first place, right?)

Just to throw in another thought about AA... From what I've read on here, it sounds like AA is different for everyone. A good leader, a good location, a good vibe with the group can make (or break) the experience. Giving it a shot and just "letting it be" whatever it turns out to be would a huge step forward. Whether it's a good fit or not, it'll definitely be a courageous swing at the AV.

Can yall tell I'm "working" from home today? Lol. The paperwork will get done eventually. I just keep saying that to myself. For now, I'm happy to see an empty laundry basket, eat some leftover stir-fry, and hear that we're all still learning and working on this together.
Stay strong, peeps. It's totally worth the fight.

Arbor, some fabulous advice here from some very wise and insightful Octsobers and our Dee.

Moderation never worked for me; every attempt ended in complete failure; the slide down the slippery slope only became more rapid and self-destructive.

Alcoholism is widespread in my family; I have witnessed the far-reaching grasp of its sticky fingers; I have witnessed the death of friends and aquaintences from its physical, causal and consequential effects. I strongly suspect that the premature deaths of certain family members were triggered in some ways by their alcoholism.

I consider myself extraordinarily fortunate to have escaped alcoholism; it wasn't an appreciation which instaneously appeared; I missed my dear friend, Chardonnay, and mourned her loss. It took time and distance for the benefits to materialize, unfold and take root. Now I loathe her memory and realize her deception and trickery.

While alcoholism doesn't always kill us, along the way it takes our life.

While alcoholism is no longer under my roof, it still affects my life as I watch family members continue with their struggle. I strongly suspect that the far-reaching effects of alcoholism will come calling close to home again and in a way far more painful than I have previously known.