Glad you posted CBF and came back.
Honesty towards the addiction is really hard. I admire you coming back. Dont give up.

Hugs Key of C. Glad you are well.

Hi Tooshabby :)

Great post BBB. Have you been able to.find any non alcoholic social events?

Hope you are doing better Upward!!

Dee thanks brother. You always know what to say.
Spent sometime with my work friend. He was drinking a small amount. No temptation. I told him about my anxiety, panic attacks and trying to get healthy. I do not like sharing personal information. People have used it against me in the past. I feel i can trust him sincerely and he is a good person. So nice to be on the road with a person i know. Loneliness is a huge trigger and bordom .i know understand alcohol solves either.

Have a great Wednesday!!

I'm also finding a similarly defeating but somewhat opposite pattern of thinking. I'm realizing that while I didn't assign all my faults to drinking (I spent plenty of time hating myself while drunk), I did manage to convince myself that once the drinking was out of the way, changing all my other shortcomings would be super easy. But of course I had flaws before I ever started drinking. So yes... I'm less disorganized, I procrastinate less, I'm quicker to learn, etc, than while drinking. But I'm still not where I want to be (of course) so I have to really remind myself not to get frustrated that the "magic fix" didn't work.

Free, if your trip includes San Francisco I can make some meeting recommendations! Have a great trip in any case. This is a beautiful time of year there normally (although who knows this year).

You're not negatively influencing anyone on our side. I find it so wonderful that you came back. When I've relapsed in the past, I disappear from SR. You're a good example for me of what I should do in those circumstances. So thank you for that.

And it is so true that you're not failing. You are getting sober! One thing I've heard people say about relapses is that it helps to remind yourself that it's not really day one. The day count is incredibly helpful because it helps you keep in mind where you are in your healing process, and be proud of your accomplishments. But day one is really the first time you quit with the intent to stay quit. My day one was about six months before my first quit that lead to any real length of sobriety, and there were several quits after that before I got to this one. But my doctor told me this time that those breaks make a big difference. Any time that your body and brain has to heal is better than nothing. And I know emotionally they matter, too. The first day one is when I really decided that I wanted to be sober.

Hang in there and keep coming back!

Day 79. Biggest news around here is that my sleeping is all messed up. I need eight or more hours of sleep a night, which is new for me. I've always been an insomniac, so I often run on little sleep. On Sunday, I had really bad insomnia so I ended up staying awake all night and all the next day. This is pretty awful but I do it fairly regularly when I need to reset my schedule and go to bed earlier again. This time, when I went to sleep on Monday, I slept for 16 hours! I woke up at 5pm!!! And this wasn't "I feel lazy so I'm going to roll over and go back to sleep", this was full on deep sleep.

Last night I stayed up all night again because I had to do all the work I was meant to do Tuesday during the day. Hopefully tonight will be easier because I have to work at 7am, which means even my lizard brain will understand that I can't turn off the alarm.

Is anyone else having sleep difficulties? Last time I had bad insomnia, but I don't remember needing this much sleep.

I've been a lifelong insomniac. Well, as far back as I can remember - even as a child. 16 hours sleep is unreal!! Sleeping marathon. Your body obviously needed it. I've been taking phenergan to help me sleep. It's not ideal, but it's non-addictive and it's better than being dog tired.

Hi All,

Fall has come full-on to the driftless zone; bits of bright red and yellow are accenting the trees (for now).

This has helped me crawl a little bit out of Funksville. I actually got a flu shot this afternoon. What? Actually taking care of myself? Now that's a novelty.

Hi Toki :-) Glad you are taking care of our lovely toki!

cbf- So relieved you're back with us. I can only second the good advice everyone has given. I know that downward mental spiral all too well and by coming back here do believe you have stopped it...

Hmmm- California--XH and I had a short stint in the Bay Area and both mysisters and their families are long term residents. Don't know about meetings there, but am familiar with *many* good restaurants. The food (especially dishes with veggies) is so yummy in CA. I'm getting hungry right now thinking about a certain Thai restaurant....Hope you both enjoy it.

Fantail and TS (and letitgo?)- I am also a member of the lifelong insomnia club. If I get a few hours of deep sleep in a row *any* night, I'm pleased as punch. That being said, must add that my sleep is better now that in many, many years.

Have a good day/night everyone.

Thanks Shabby!

I'm in Wells ME, USA...it's been a rough trip so far, and I've been AV attacked many times, but I'm holding on and soldiering on...3 months tomorrow!

Hang in there Toadie! How is Maine?

That is SO fantastic, Toadie!!! Don't let that blasted AV con you in to anything. You have come so far - it's brilliant :-)

tokidoki, haven't had much time to enjoy it yet...windshield leak issues and battery charging issues (and this damn storm they got last night/today) has kept me preoccupied!

Tomorrow I try to get the windshield leak fixed, that will be a good start...

Hi all. Cbf, glad you're back. Hope you'll keep posting and not be too hard on yourself. In a few days I bet the sting will have worn off a bit. The times I've relapsed I took an "oh well I'm a ##ck up" attitude and kept on drinking for months before resurfacing. Don't do that to yourself.

I have whacky sleep too. When I first quit I couldn't sleep at all, then I started dropping at 9 p.m. and waking up refreshed at 6. Now I seem to have leveled off at my old high school routine: go to bed anytime between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. and have to fight the devil to get out of bed before 9 a.m. I put off going to bed because I hate laying awake. When I was younger I was plagued with terrifying thoughts and images. Now I'm just in physical pain from various old injuries and I toss and turn. It's so hard for me to be still, ever, that I have to be exhausted or wasted.
Melatonin, surprisingly, knocks me out pretty well if I'm not too achy... That and if I don't stare at my space phone for hours right before bed ;)
Take care all.

Hey guys, ready for another day here. Will be thinking positive thoughts for us all!

Up at 4am. Stresses of dreaming about work. Also 2 hours back on the time zone so its like 6 at home. When i went home last time i got a good 6-8 hours. My road sleeping payterns are not as good. Stressed and foreign bed/hotel room.

Going hit the gym in a bit and meditate before work.
No matter how it goes have a sober one!

Wow, letitgo. Gym AND meditation BEFORE work. I'm seriously impressed!! Great stuff :-)

I miss you all so much! My life has been one big test after another, so I have not had time to read any post yet but I will catch up on everyone's life tonight. Needless to say, 90 days today! One big milestone for me and got through two days this week where drinking actually crossed my mind.

Congrats Angd on 90 days!