To tell on myself:

Last week, I said in my head, if I don't have a new option for a career by the end of next week, I'm going back out there, cause it seems things will never work out for me.

This morning, I got a few suicidal text messages from a family member who is not a drug user, but he is very upset. Seems to me no matter who you with -- wife, kids, parents; you can still feel alone and lost.

I guess that is why it's important to believe in a higher power, something greater than yourself. It can be God, a group of people, or some kind of musical tour.

Because if there is nothing going on in you, and you're so confused and distraught, at least there's something going on outside of yourself that you could dream about.

And so today was great so far. Did a group therapy session, had a nice walk. Yesterday was very cool. Spent the day with a baby cousin (she's only 1 and a half). Could it have been like that if i were still using? Is rushing into a career worth losing the peace and support I felt the last 4 weeks? TIME = Things I Must Earn.

Good or bad, I check on here to see what you guys are doing, to remind me I have no excuse to say "I'm alone today". Or that there is no point to anything. I have parents and a cousin coming by soon, so I need to lie down and relax. I'll be back to check the last few posts I missed. Stay up!

Cleansing, really sorry to hear about your family member's depression and serious state . . I hope he gets the help he needs soon. I also understand how this shed light on how we're all alone, for you. And I sincerely hope you mean that what happened today reminded you of why you don't want to "go back out" as you say, because you have so much to be proud of and drinking will never make things better. I definitely agree that it's important to remember that there are bigger things than yourself in the world. Important for everyone, but especially people with a history of substance abuse since that can lead to being very self-absorbed in so many ways. Anyway, I hope you're feeling strong & better soon, and definitely, we are here and listening.

Kim, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow (probably "today" when you read this) and hoping all is good with the ultrasound.

Dee, thanks for the great quote about optimists/pessimists/realists. I'll be keeping that one on hand!

Ghostly, that's funny about you also claiming to be a realist. :) I do wish I were more of an actual realist, but hey, what can I say, it takes all kinds.

UBC, hope you're enjoying the netbook. I love mine, esp. the second looks you get when people realize you're typing away on a very tiny computer.

I'm a bit dazed from a long day, so I hope this all made sense. Love to all. :grouphug:

Top--somehow I missed your post while I was writing my last message-- wow, I never thought of the "ism" thing but that makes so much sense to me! I've often wondered why there is a special word for this with alcohol but not other substances . . . so that peaks my interest. Also, your mysterious past . . . did it involve popcorn? lol All's good, we're here now and now that we've been typing away for six month I'm pleased to have formed a solid sense of you guys. woo Aprillers!

Hey all!

Hope things go well Kim!

UBC - Glad you got something back for your "crap E pad." :)

Cleansing - Hope you're doin well. Sounds like you really are having some ups and downs right now. Come here and read when you can.

Good to hear from you AG. Being a realist ain't all that great!

I'll be hittin 6 months in a little over an hour. Seriously, thanks all! Really, you all have helped me so much.

Wow.....I can't tell you all how I much I love this little group we have :) Really nice to have all of you at the same place along the journey and you all get it...lol.

Cleansing - I hope all is ok with your family member. I too went through some similar experience rather in early on with my recovery and it was quite a bit to deal with. Thankfully all turned out ok and I hope yours does too. I found that plenty of folks who have no addiction/alcohol problem go through tough patches as well. I am glad you shared and I am glad that you are working through your career decisions. I have found slowing it down and taking it easy to be the best thing. I too don't have a set plan for my life yet.....so huggs....you are definitely not alone.

You are doing good my friend. I find sometimes taking a step back and enjoying where I am can be the best thing and it will come together. Shoot.....if someone said on my last day of drinking that 6 months later I would be here and sober.....I wouldn't have believed it. So anything in life is possible. I firmly believe in that.

Ghost - Huggs man! I am so proud of you :)

AG - I am so glad to see you doing well. Alcoholism is rather complicated for me. No clear answer as to the why and I for some reason...found a solution in removing it and voila! I feel like a new person....so for me it works. I haven't had a panic attack since I dumped out that last bottle and for me.....hell thats enough to keep me from every drinking again :)

UBC - Alochiwa! You are very right in many ways....love your vibe and input. Way to go on getting on with life and yes....this is a journey of self discovery. We are all on it and for some it is blatant and obvious and for others it more discreet and subliminal. I just wanted to subliminal....lol. I hope everything works out with the Visa bag. Isn't that taken care with the teaching gig? I know here that I am good as long as the spouse is stationed here and if not.....siaora Kmber. Glad you are stepping out with your new lady friend....good stuff man.

Oh on the whole techie stuff.....I am a dud. No ipad, iphone, ibook, netbook, kindle.....NADA. But I finally got iTunes!!! I had it years ago but finally got it working here after I figured out how to get it from German to English...lol. Ok I lie...it my other half not me. Oh that reminds me....I prob should find a ipod or something (they still make those)? Man I am soooo behind. I guess I need one device that does it all.....I am sure they have that nowadays....OMG how out of sync I am.

Check in later guys and thx for the good thoughts! Means a whole bunch to me.

Hi - Had my appt today. All looks good at this point and we are having a boy.

What should've been a good positive experience though was ruined for me by a Dr. who chose the wrong words and went down an ugly path about addiction with me without understand one damn bit about it herself and I did my best to not flip out.

Thankfully my husband was there and we discussed it. She just said some highly triggering things to me....and finally at the end I got her to understand that I have a counselor and will take up things with him in my session tomorrow. Thank God I have that as she made me feel like **** and I really need support right to get if off my chest.

Whatever....hubby is off to work for the night so I am just calming down. Just a negative thing so don't know if I want to share here or newbie or alcoholism or maybe not post at all.

Wanna just shove that thumbs up and say way to go to this idiot. All I effing do is offer constructive support and encouragement and man she was all over me today.

Just an effing really bad day. Sorry guys but wanted you to know what is going on.

Sorry about your doctor Kim - so many people have no idea about addiction...yet so many like to speak with authority LOL :dot:

just remember you were doing great before this encounter - you're still doing great now :hug:

D

Sorry bout your bad day Kim. Curious what was actually said but understand if you want to just get past it.

Thank the most important thing is everything is going well with your pregnancy. Congrats on the boy!

UBC - I'm not familiar with the Frey book. Did I understand right and it was comparing and contrasting who's and what addiction problems were worse? Interesting.

I think about that link to the pic you posted a while back. The pics around your home of the city at night. Remember how beautiful it looked. I envy the anonymity of it. Wonder what it would be like to be there, in Japan, and just walk outside. Would it smell the same? Sound the same? Curious. Oh well...hope your doin ok brother.

Kim... that sux but hopefully you can brush it off soon. Like Dee said, a lot of people who should know better, often don't. Important to stay with your gut instincts because what you are doing is working so they can stick it!!!

So, I guess the baby won't me named after me after all then?... LMAO

Thank you friends.