OMGosh, what ISN'T part of my process?
I grew up without any idea that people really were responsible for identifying so much about themselves - my mother could have turned codependency into a profession so all of my early impressions of self were tied to what others thought of me. I learned how/who to "be" in response to those around me but we called it Love, Doing the Right Thing, etc. That screwed my wiring up fundamentally - my labels didn't match their definitions in any kind of reality.
Figuring out what I
wasn't was often easier to identify at first. That helped me identify what I wanted to "drop" - like when I dug deep I realized that giving up being "in control" of every family holiday & gathering was easy because I didn't even really want it in the first place - I didn't give a flying fig about how anything happened. I didn't "need" control, but others around me certainly needed me to & I had been playing that Role for so long I no longer even questioned it. I was the oldest, the one in charge, the one plugging fingers in the dam left & right as a child & I continued it on into adulthood calling it strength & organization.
Uncovering all of those "little" things like this example was critical for me - not just in identifying the "issue" but the underlying feelings it triggered because *that* was really the core I needed to get to in order to break the habit from the inside out - how could I reprogram that "never enough" mentality? It's no joke when I say that I started to question every single question I faced in life - if you asked me whether I wanted vanilla or chocolate ice cream you'd have been surprised how long it took me to answer such a simple question because inside my mind it was like this --->
I'll never, ever forget one day in my early recovery when I needed to grab a fast dinner, solo, in between appts & the plaza I was at had 4 great options but I burst into tears at being completely unable to decide something SO BASIC for myself without another person there to influence my decision. It was a big AHA moment for me & all that I had been learning about codependency.
I do everything I can, on very level, for my mind, body & spirit because all 3 need to be healthy for my recovery to be strong. In the beginning I adopted a philosophy of "if not now, then when?" when faced with new ideas, new projects, new interests.
I've shared so much in these threads, it might be easier to link than to try to recreate the wheel here, lol. These are kind of random & in no specific order:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respect.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-missing.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...uper-long.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...covery-me.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...self-talk.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...buzzwords.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-long.html
(my first post, lol)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...thank-you.html