Hevyn, I remember well reading your posts years ago and just in awe. You have always given me great advice and a good warm hug feeling and I thank you for that. :e100:

I’ve absolutely had those thoughts of oh man...wouldnt a year or jail be better? I’d be forced to be sober and then I’d see the light? It’s how bad that AV can be. Think about once you get past this day...you survived a horribly long agonizing craving day. That starts to build your sober muscles. It’s like running! It’s so damn hard in the beginning and you want to quit and your body and mind scream at you but you run little by little then one day 5 minute run is easy. Then ten minutes, then twenty. I’m sorry your struggling so much but you can get through this. It’s worth going through because one day you won’t feel like this. You will think less about alcohol. Nothing wrong with staying in bed for now. Just don’t drink today. I absolutely had days and weeks like that, and you too can make it past them.

I do believe that alcoholism is a progressive disease and its not one that can easily be remedied. If you can be a friend to yourself right now and not blame yourself that would really help out in the long run. Be gentle with you.

I just made some headway a few weeks ago with solid ground. Sober now 3 1/2 months and I can clearly feel and see a stability. Not up and down and all over the map. I have my moments though. I have real intense anxiety at times (GAD) and that is what I was referring to in December.

Be gentle with you. One moment at a time.

Oh my gosh, how many times did I think about " what if I get arrested and go to jail"......then thought, oh well, atleast I wont be drinking and maybe just maybe someone will help me. I have always been desperate for help = Good help is hard to find (in my life experiences). But I did go to one rehab for 60 days and the counselors were very good. It also cost alot. Im sure there are bad rehabs. I pray that I get sober muscles and one day stop thinking of poison.
Thank you :grouphug:

:fireworks2 Wow 3 1/2 months plus a feeling of stability - I would do anything to have that :nyaa Congratulations !!!

OMG Its ONLY 3:55 pm !!!! I have suffered so much and its only late afternoon ~~~I havent eaten all day. Maybe I should get up

Hi whitejay, I'm so glad you reached out! A big hug for you :hug: Please do eat - that is very important to fight off negative feelings.

I've been worried about you for the past few days, because you stopped posting. I really wish you would keep posting, several times a day. We won't get tired of you - we like when you come on and post. You are very intelligent and sensitive, a wonderful person. I think you can see how we care about you.

I also think it's really important that, as others have said, you take care of yourself. Warm bath, staying in bed is fine, although I tend to dwell on things when I do that. Best fo rme to just get up, even if I end up sitting on the sofa. Happy movies - I understand that. I can't take any sort of sadness, tragedy or violence.. lately most of what is on netflix. Have to be selective or read a good book. That is one great way to be absorbed and lose track of time and our worries.

Hi Whitejay :)

Try and not overwhelm yourself. All any of us have to do today is stay sober.
things will get easier. This is not the best things will get....this is not the new normal.
This is a transition period it’s tough but things will improve I promise.

You can do things to help yourself and you absolutely should. If you need more support find it use it ask for it :)

it’s really important to look after all aspects of our health, both mind and body, too.

if you need help with depression why not go see your doctor? You can talk about it at least with them, and see what kinds of options are open to you :)

If naltrexone been suggested, it might be worth a try. Talk about your fears over side effects with them first.

I had no confidence that I could be long-term sober...but I tried anyway. And things changed over time..and I changed too....for the better :)

If I can do this, I really believe you can do this too Whitejay...but no one says you have to do this alone :)

D

ha ha - how did you know that I thought people would get tired of me ?? your absolutely right. Thank you for saying those wonderful words about me- it happens infrequently - it made me smile
Happy movies ok hmmmmm The Big Bang Theory Parks and Rec The Office no to The First 48 :ham4

I love The Big Bang Theory.

Please lean on this forum. Post often. This forum is here for times like the one you are having now. You are not alone in this. We have all been exactly in your shoes. .... You are getting through this.

Dee, I pray every day that it will get better. I try so hard and I am a zombie, I have been on medication for 30 years and it stopped working around 8-10 years ago so now my dr wants me to start TMS. Thats a big commitment for 6 weeks, every single day. A cloud hangs over me every day. so sad
Let me tell you what I did today showing my desperation: I gave away my car keys and told her to never let me drive ! I want sobriety more than my home (my home is so important to my well being) so its a good example. Please keep believing in me Dee. I am so happy you prevailed :truce

I often find it pleasant and uplifting to watch television and films from many years ago, especially if they're from a time when I felt safe and happy, or they depict people who were safe and happy.
Lots available on YouTube.

Best wishes, whitejay, take gentle care.

H A L T. Hungry, Angry, Loney, Tired. I learned that many years ago in IOP that I was half assing....but I put myself in it and, I did come out with some tools that stick. Food...!! Even if your are in bed, eat something so your belly and brain gets some nutrients and hopefully it helps lessen those cravings.

Tms?
 

I've known people who've used naltrexone as part of an abstinence based programme to stay sober and it's helped many.

There are methods out there though that encourage further drinking on naltrexone - if thats what your doctor is suggesting (and it may not be) you're right to be cautious, Whitejay...

D

TMS machine on head that shoots electricity and resets the brain....
not ECT. Thats old.
yeah I took naltrexone in rehab and it curbs the cravings. i wont drink on it.
gabapentin too.
thank you for letting me know it worked for some people you knew.
im going to a Wellness clinic that gives it out along with otherthings. I will do anything to stop.
Desperate, scared, sick,
I am going to post everyday from now on.
Thanks Dee

I went to IOP 6x. The max is suppose ti be 4.
Im super messed up. I lear ned HALT also.
I dont eat often because I am unable to eat (anything)
while drinking. My pancreas always hurts. I gave my car keys away so I wont ever drive. Im desperate.
Thank you so much !

It's great to hear how motivated you are to get better, whitejay. I think every program has the potential to be more effective when we have the motivation to use it and put in the effort, even professionals can do a better job helping someone who really wants the change and cooperates. All the best and I hope you feel better soon!

Jay, I admire how hard you've worked to get better and I'm so sorry that things are not clicking for you. I'm sure the TMS program sounds a bit overwhelming and scary. Do you have faith in your doctor? If not, maybe a second opinion would help. If so, then I truly hope this is something that will really help you.

Then disregard everything I said :)

D

I wanted to add that I work with many psychiatrists and other doctors professionally, and TMS has been very popular among them in the last few years. They regard it highly because it often makes a big difference for patients with a variety of mental health conditions (including treatment-resistant depression), and the result can be more long-lasting than other treatments. As you probably know, it is more specific and targeted than for example ECT, meaning that it may have less adverse effects. I would definitely talk about it in depth with your doctors to see if you are a good candidate, and also to see what other options are available.