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Originally Posted by whitejay
(Post 7574706)
I cant believe Im still alive. I called 2 family members and told them how dark and deep my soul is. |
I was wondering what you do with your time? Are you employed? I mention this because of structure and how we approach our days. I had to consciously change my daily routine and organize myself in a way that did not involve alcohol. Example: Wake. Log onto to SR with coffee. Exercise breakfast Go to work Eat enough food through the day to stay level mentally and physically. Cravings can really drive us crazy without proper nutrition Get off work and come home to hot tea. Log onto SR. Eat dinner Take a bath Get in bed with a book, SR and a series Rinse and repeat Rinse and repeat For the first few months I was attending AA meetings every night. I reached out and asked for book recommendations about recovery. My bedside table has quite a few good reads now. The structure is very important for my well being. It now is my new "normal." I would not have stayed sober without a conscious changing of my life. There were times when I struggled immensely with stress and anxiety. The members here quickly came to my side and helped me through those times. You can do this and you will be better off! Stay close. Restructure yourself. Make the conscious decision to change your daily actions and life. You got this! |
You just described an alcoholic. As one of those myself, there's nothing surprising to me about your experience. The bottom line is that you can recover and you can live a clean and sober life. As the Big Book says, "the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules." (BB, p. xxix.) Speaking of rules, and for whatever it might be worth, please allow me to share with you the instructions that ultimately led to me having 18+ years clean & sober after struggling to get clean for over 15 years. 1. Commit to 90 meetings in 90 days. 2. Get a home group and a service commitment. 3. Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, highlighting everything that jumps out at you (i.e., where you identify with the thoughts, feelings, and actions conveyed in the text). 4. Call you sponsor every day. (This obviously requires you to have a sponsor.) 5. Ask God every morning to keep you clean and sober; thank Him every evening for keeping you clean and sober. Both these prayers are to be done on your knees. (Importantly, this doesn't require you to believe anything. You can be an atheist and still follow these instructions.) Particularly, this language from pages 58-59 was stressed: If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power -- that One is God. May you find Him now! Half measures availed us nothing. Hang in there. Stay honest, open-minded, and willing to follow instructions. Don't quit before the miracle. Thanks for letting me share. |
How are you doing whitejay? D |
Hi everyone - I want to send a virtual ((((HUG))))) the connection to this community is real....I now know I have support just by all of you talking with me yesterday. what a difference! I take each and every post to heart and learn from each one of your experiences and tools that I am putting in place right now. I feel so much better today - not because they alcohol is gone - but because I am finally understanding the steps that will get me sober and why "action" is the key. I cant wait until I am relapse and reach out to SR community - but I must do it BEFORE I relapse. AA zoom, naltrexone, therapy, meditation - and making a real effort this time to forgive. Forgiveness is extremely hard for myself. I can forgive others quickly, be non-judgemental etc. but never forgive myself. I also need to "get out of my head", quit wondering what the F is wrong with my brain and move on. I will gain strength and knowledge here at SR and never stop fighting. :v8 |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 7575425)
How are you doing whitejay? D thanks for caring |
Acceptance is key whitejay. Accepting who we are, accepting that we can't drink, and accepting we need to take action. No need to beat yourself up. Please come here regularly and get sober with the rest of us! |
Novips - I love God and I think you are right - I need to get on my knees. I have the Big Book right here in my closet. I almost got rid of it the other day. I also have a book about Bill. I went to AA for about a year - I really enjoyed AA until the petty women cliques came out and my Sponsor was definitely the lead - since I dont play that game - I felt abandoned. The men were my friends, the women were not. Zoom AA here I come ! Thank you |
I think you'll find that self trust will return whitejay - hang in there :) D |
Originally Posted by Steely
(Post 7574918)
I've done same in ordering a drink when I didn't even feel like one. I did it just because I COULD, and didn't want to believe that I COULDN'T. I am starting to finally realize I have to accept WHO I am and quit trying to hide.... Thanks :wink3: |
Whitejay, acceptance that myself and alcohol should never mix, because it was a toxic and self-destructive combination, with the risk of oblivion - together with forgiveness of myself: were key to laying the path to my sobriety. I like your plan! Although I have no experience, I've heard `that online AA sponsorship is now available. |
I dropped in to see how you are doing Whitejay, what a change in tone already. You deserve that! I am sure there are a lot of good things coming your way. Keep us updated on how you are doing and post often, especially if you are not feeling so well. Don't ever think we don't want to read about such a thing. Really good to read you're on the way up, drinking my coffee with a smile now! |
Hi, Whitejay! What are you up to on this Saturday evening? Give us an update if you would like. Cheering you on! |
Me too whitejay! How are things? |
Hi whitejay, how are you doing? Miss your posts! |
Hello my friends - The longer I am sober I am experiencing sadness/remorse pangs in the pit on my stomach. Daily about 4 times a day. The same type of pain when you break up with someone you really truly liked. I wake up nervous and my stomach shaking through out the night. Sadness. I will be actually doing nothing, maybe cleaning or something and suddenly thoughts pop into my mind of shameful people, places, things. I literally almost throw up. I get light headed, sick to my stomach, start crying, and just sit there overwhelmed with remorse. I shake my head in disbelief. Just makes me hate alcohol that much more. Or maybe just myself - I started listening to The Freedom Model from Addiction and I have found my belief system. Complete opposite from rehab teachings. I am hooked. Its feels so good to have others care enough to check-in on you - Thank you ! :tyou |
The intense emotions will pass whitejay. And with time you will be able to work on the other stuff - the feelings of shame, guilt and remorse. We all have some of that to deal with. You are obviously a caring and sensitive person so please don't be too hard on yourself. If I recall correctly you were raised in an environment where emotions were not expressed properly (me too) so it all tends to be overwhelming, which is why many of us drank - to mute those feelings. |
Hi WhiteJay! I'm glad you're on the mend. If you can sit with those feelings they will pass. I know it doesn't feel like that in the moment but it will. |
Good Morning, Whitejay! How are you doing today? |
Hey whitejay, it’s good to hear from you. The phase you’re going through sounds rough and I am sorry for that. But you haven’t started drinking again to numb the feelings you’re experiencing now and I think that is worth a big compliment. You’re not choosing the easy road and I have much respect for that. Really hope that you can leave this behind you very soon. Please keep posting, I always look around for this thread to see how you are doing. |
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