Ha! Great story!

I feel myself coming detached a little from here. It's my own fault. I'm really frustrated with how much I think about alcohol. 141 days sober, I believe. Had honestly convinced myself to have a drink this Friday. Well, I think of a lot of things but not all the things I think about happens. My son won't have a mom who still drinks. I just honestly wish he had a mom who didn't THINK about drinking so much. My life is so much better since I stopped drinking but still a part of me misses it. I can't take that first drink because I think I know where that will lead. Not even really craving alcohol tonight, if that makes sense. Just so tired of thinking about wanting alcohol.

Angie, you're doing really well. I know it's hard. Sometimes, I think the best thing we can offer fellow journeyers is the assurance that it gets better. Because it does.

Have you thought of looking into meditation? There are some good threads here on that topic. Here's one:

5 Essential Meditation Techniques

If you do a search on "meditation" here on SR, you'll find more. I wish I'd practiced it earlier in recovery. Those first few months can be trying, indeed.

Your story about chips and candles had me in stitches.

You can do this. You are doing this.

Angie have you been working on any ways of getting over the obsessive thoughts about alcohol? I found that taking 5 slow deep breaths thinking about how my body's moving worked every time. I hardly ever even get to 5.
Have you noticed when these thoughts come on? Is it when you want to relax? If so your body has recorded drinking as your go-to method of stress relief so when you actually feel tense, that's where your mind goes.
Try to create alternative relaxing rituals so you can re-program your mind from drinking alcohol to (say) drinking tea with your feet up, or colouring in, or a bath, or whatever relaxes you.
Some things I did was having nice food in the house, juice and soft drinks, sitting in my favourite chair under the fan. Now if I'm tense my mind doesn't automatically switch to wanting to drink. I've stopped thinking about it as an option.

Angie I was such a son, my mother battled alcoholism throughout my life also with long terms of sobriety I want to let you know you can do this my mum died sober and I'm proud of her & she was the best influence on my life bar none

Please don't give up Angie! You've come so far, but your journey isn't over yet! You're not going to keep on feeling this way forever. Seems like most of the long term folks on here agree that the first year is really turbulent. Find more tools and know you're loved and admired by a lot of people here and we want you to find lasting happiness! :-)

I obsessed about alcohol for 20 years - it took me a few months to stop doing that.

I think you've identified the problem tho - you miss your old life, or parts of it, a little.

What about doing some small things towards making a new life ang?

any interests you used to have or want to have? any hobbies? any activities you'd like to do on the weekend that are fun but won't need alcohol?

the more you think about that stuff, and the more you build that new life, the less you'll think about alcohol, I promise :)

D

I really want to thank you all so much for taking time out to be here for me. Your kindness and compassion towards me means so much. Wouldn't have made it this far without all of you. :tyou

I'm trying to get my mind off of alcohol right now. Since my son's schedule with his father has changed and I'm alone Friday nights and Saturday it has made it a little difficult. I miss my son terribly. You know there was an email by someone in management today wishing us all a happy Friday and she was looking forward to when it was time to go back home. I looked at it and honestly was not looking forward to going home as much as everyone. How crazy is that? I have my sweet kitty, Elvis but he's getting a tad more independent as he grows and he likes looking out of the window at the neighbor kids playing. I try to cuddle with him but he only likes to do that at night now. :) I'm thinking about getting another kitty so he won't be as lonely during the day while I'm at work. I'll stop at two kitties. Wish I could get a dog but it's not a possibility now.

So, the idea of drinking comes up and I know it's not a good idea so I won't do it. I'm looking up the AA meetings again. So what did I do while wanting to drink? This is what I did.

- Wrote a card to send to my mom with a picture of my son and a note telling her that I love her and daddy. Just a little surprise in the mail for her. :)

- Put my Netflix movies in the envelopes and put them in the mail along with the card for my mom

- Wrote a message to someone on Facebook who appeared to be going through loneliness. I did it in a private message.

- Browsed SR. Became more inspired and motivated.

- Saw a post someone put on FB that was another reassurance that sober life is the only life for me. It was about a mother who was arrested for DUI. Thankfully no one was hurt.

-- Really thinking about attending the AA meeting tomorrow at 11. It's only five miles from home. Should I attend the women's only or for everyone? It really doesn't matter to me. There are actually three meetings at this place a couple hours apart from each other. What does Happy Hour Group mean for the later one? Huh, Maybe I should google that.

-Listened to music which lifted my mood. Had to wait until my mood shifted a little before listening because I prefer country music and well that can be depressing.

Okay this is way too long and I'm sorry about that. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Great work, Angie!

I'd say give the AA meetings a try. You sound like such a devoted mom. I wonder if the house just starts to feel too empty when your little boy is with his dad. Good to get out some.

During the earlier phases of my sobriety, I'd check out matinees. Lots of good movies coming out this time of year. I'm headed to a wedding over the weekend or I'd check out "Everest."

Keep up the good work. You're doing well.

I'm trying to find that "something else" right now also, Angie. I keep hearing from others here that I'll find it, trying to keep that faith right now. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually and you will too if we just don't take that first drink.

I got really upset and disappointed at someone at an AA meeting tonight and of course thoughts of drinking were right there waiting for that opening. So grateful for SR in general and kind people like you in particular. Coming home to these forums instead of going to the store for a bottle was the right decision. Thanks for checking in on me earlier. It was perfect timing on your part.

That's the real stuff, right there :)
:grouphug:

D

I like the way you use your strategies to offset your cravings, Angie! I know how hard it can be to build up the energy to focus on something else. Great job!!

Keep up the good work Angie

So, I will hit 5 months on Monday. Wow. It's been crazy but my life is a lot better. I'm taking my son to the fair tomorrow and planning a great time with him. Always went to the booths for alcohol when I went with his dad. The drinks were expensive but I wanted more and more then got all sad when I couldn't drink more. I didn't get too smashed there but the buzz I got was not nearly enough for me and it made me depressed and anxious. Tomorrow will be just enjoying the day (soberly) with my sweet boy, I might try to see if I can find some bacon wrapped shrimp or that really good grilled corn on the cob or maybe a funnel cake, lol. We will do a lot of walking so I can walk off some of the calories but I don't want to gorge myself with food. I'm so excited!! I will try to post some pictures of our day. :)

Congrats on the upcoming 5 month milestone you are amazing

My ex husband met us here at the fair. He got a cup with sangria. He was going to go on a ride with our son and handed me the cup, I held a cup of alcohol for about 5 minutes. Very strange but I wasn't tempted much. It wasn't comfortable though. I'm gonna make sure I'm not in a position like this again though. The lemonade is the bomb though! My son and I Iove it.

:hug:

It's too hot here to enjoy much outside. We're in air conditioning now. I am sitting on the bench near hot dog on a stick and I'm drinking a bottle of water. I do not know how the people here who are constantly drinking alcohol can handle today because I know I would feel dehydrated and miserable. My son wants to wait a little while before we go out in the heat again. His and his dad are checking out the different booths inside here. No desire to drink alcohol even though I'm surrounded by it.

Congratulations!! Very encouraging!!

good job!! I am sure the sangria would have been a real test for me