Just wanted to add--after the first couple drinks, campral stops working. The alcohol overrides it (trust me, I know). By that I mean, you will feel the high/pleasure you get from alcohol normally after the first couple drinks.

I take campral too, I think it helps with cravings, but you do need to stay sober for it to continue to work. I hope you're ok. I think you definitely need to do more for your recovery (meetings, groups, therapy, medical help, lifestyle changes, etc. etc.) than you are doing if you are continuing to drink. :(

Imperfect - inspiring stuff, nice work.

13 - you are getting back at no one but yourself. Neither your spouse nor the universe in general is going to be as hurt, as damaged and as suffering as you are the more you make the decision to drink over and over again. Until you make it solely, and only, on your, for you, because of you - you're going to continue to drink and suffer.

Hope you come out of this one stronger than before.

Thinking of you.

13, are you drinking at people? I did that too - I'm so angry and this bottle of vodka will fix him! There was only one person who received something to learn as a result of that, as you know.

Since I quit, I can't really say that the universe has shifted to put me in the centre where I belong, but I can say that I have shifted to accept the universe as it is. Somewhat. To an extent. I'm working on it.

There are things that have changed as a result of my quitting, but, as you might expect, they have taken time. Ways of communicating, expectations, allowances and trust, all changed when I quit, but the changes were slow to come.

Be gentle with yourself, 13. You beat yourself up while drinking, and you are still doing that now. You need to be kind and generous and caring to this person. She is wonderful, but she needs your help right now. Gather her to you, and give her a long warm hug.

Be gentle with her, and you will see her grow. Onward!

13, you're right. life and the people in it sometimes suck. one of my problems has always been, why am i surprised by this? this, as you know is just a messy world. but, we should not be surprised by it, and we should also realize these is so little that we actually control.

what we can control, is ourselves, our decisions and our attitudes, that's it.

i hope you get sober - this site, and people like me need people like you and raider.

Hh - ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺😉

I thought sobriety would fix everything.
When it didn't I floundered too.

People were still mean & unfair to me, my life still sucked, I still had all of the same aches and pains...

I wondered what was the point then - I figured I was probably better off drinking to at least try and get some respite.

Thats classic addiction thinking.
It sounds plausible but it's *total nonsense*.

Its the three year old part of ourselves throwing a tantrum.

We get sober for ourselves - noone else - and we get sober so we can be the people we want to be.

Thats the base from which we can work on the rest of the stuff, and build the life we want and deserve.

It takes a while - it means thinking beyond the short term...it takes courage and commitment

some things may still suck from time to time, and some people in our lives may still annoy us - but thats life - for everyone....

we can change the way we respond to that.

I know you can do it 13
D

Posts like this trigger me to want to drink, but I'm not going to. Going on my eighth day and don't want to start back at day one and likely with worse cravings than I'm having today. Sorry to hear you slipped.

13 - it does not matter that you slipped. Now is the tough part. Tomorrow think about what you want and how you feel and see if sobriety is the right choice for you. However, many days you made it was prob a good run. So now try to best that stint if sobriety is what you want. For me, I need to be reminded of my disease or I convince myself that I am not an alcoholic when I am. Maybe meetings or some face to face support network would help you by augmenting SR.

Good luck...

Btw - you were one of few I followed closely for inspiration during my darkest times that first week. 27 days is nothing to be ashamed of. Get >30 on the next go.

I am in the Lufthansa Lounge at JFK next to a full bar - self service style. I would be lying if the thought has not crossed my mind over a thousand times. But I am looking forward to reduced jet lag in Frankfurt tomorrow without getting smashed on my flight.

Raider: You posted this at the end of August: "Day 3 for me also. Went to a recovery meeting tonight, came home wanting more than ever to drink. But I didn't ...."
__

Seems like the recovery meetings aren't working for you?

_________

13, I understand where you are coming from--I really do! But like the others posted, you need to do this for you and deal with issues sober. Drinking won't solve anything and just make you feel worse. I know you can fight through this!

Just my experience, but at the handful of CR meetings I've gone to, I found a lot of celebrating but very little recovery. I remember going to one when I had a year and I was the "long timer" at the meeting. LOL. I still go once and a while but it's not to find a solution to drinking and most definitely not to find a solution to alcoholism. CR claims to be 12-step based but that's not what I've found. Mostly what I've found at CR are relapses who go to talk about relapsing.......and God...... but it's rare anyone has over a month. I've not yet heard any conversation about the solution to alcoholism, maybe just some tips on how not to drink for a month or something like that. Then again, maybe I've not found that pocket of "good" meetings.

When I was new......I wanted to hang around the ppl with the most success and the happiest lives. Someone with 10 years but grumpy all the time.....good luck, I'm moving on. I wanted ppl with lots of experience under their belt - the best teachers - to learn from.

From there it was pretty simple - do what they did (and most of it I didn't WANT to do.....lol). It's been working progressively better for just over 6 years now.

And I dunno if this helps or not but I'll throw it out there: For me, stopping drinking didn't make life fun, comfortable, or even enjoyable. If anything, I felt all the more acutely all the crap I used to drink to avoid feeling. When I'm "not drinking" most of my life is just a big trigger, ever reminding me why I should just have one or two today. Today, my solution comes WITH the not drinking part.....not because I don't drink. In other words, "not drinking" came as a by-product of recovery......recovery didn't come from not drinking. I find "not drinking" and "recovery" are worlds apart. One comes with the other but not necessarily the other way around.

I like that Day
No Elen They dont

I slipped up a lot (and maybe I will again some day I can't say) - but before I could say I wanted to be sober - I had to GET SOBER - the alcohol messes with your brain and to be HONEST, until you get at least a good week or two between you and the alcohol, your brain isn't going to understand or even be capable of being sober. It's a biochemical issue - not self control. The alcohol has you in a loop - I only understand how this is because I've been there so many many times myself. So first don't beat yourself up, it's not your fault. Second, set a plan - professional, community (NA/AA), or personal - but until you stop putting the drugs in your brain for a few days (if not weeks) you can not make any decisions on recovery. Think about how LONG you have been drinking, now think about how LONG it might take to reverse those patterns of behavior and addictions. Best of luck and keep coming back - it shows at least you have the desire. I just hope you can implement before something happens health, legal, etc.
:grouphug:

13, people who tick me off used to make me want to drink too. Ok, sometimes they still do.

Resentment=drinking poison and hoping the other person dies
:yuck:


Do this for you, not him. Not anyone else. You. You deserve sobriety.

5am here - everything hurts :( stuff this

I hope you want to stuff the hangovers for good..and not stuff sobriety. Quitting at least gives a chance to make things better, drinking just guarantees pain...both mental and physical.

Resentment = drinking poison and hoping the other person dies..... So true

I knew I'd feel like this - ive no idea why I did this - it only made sense to a drunk mind - being drunk is sad

Imagine drinking AT people - for goodness sake - stabbing yourself and expecting someone else to hurt :( idiot - absolute moron!

Go to bed. Start working on a new leaf later on.