I'm not known for my juggling prowess either.

Obo, keep getting those days and weeks behind you and you'll conquer the AV for good.

Our visitors have just left. It was an interesting evening last night. I was the only one sober, and I was able to watch the step by step process of intoxication. It wasn't pretty. Basically, 3 pints of beer and 3 bottles of wine were consumed by 3 people. By the end of the third bottle the conversation was getting louder, and the the language used was getting more "colourful", and the content of conversation became somewhat disconnected. Although we are fairly close, and wouldn't dream of hurting each other, there were a few antagonistic remarks which may have been deeply felt.

At about 11.30pm, I started to hint about going to bed - No one seemed to notice. So I just cleared things away, got myself ready for bed, and said goodnight, which sort of stopped the conversation a bit abruptly. Anyway, it was gone midnight before I sank in to bed - that's too late for me.

I find it hard to say to people, please don't drink here. I'm worried that old friends may not enjoy their evening if they can't drink. Yet I know that the most loving thing to do would be to pass the baton of sobriety on to my friends and family. Why is it so difficult?

I had problems with that too Free but I realise now it was my own 'why would people like me' insecurity.

My real friends never batted an eyelid :)

I would never let anyone smoke cigs let alone dope in my house - it's funny how alcohol seems a different context, but it's not really?

D

Sleep has become such an evil and dreaded thing. :headbange

Yes, you're right Dee, no one would dream of smoking in my house, and I'd certainly protest if anyone tried to. This is definitely something I need to make a commitment about. It is a bit tricky living with someone who still drinks every now and then. But my sobriety is too precious to worry about a little challenge like that.

This is the next step on my sober journey.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend.

Oh UP, I'm sorry you're suffering with sleep problem.
I hope you drop off soon.

I'm sorry Up :(

D

Not so much the sleep, it's the dreams that come with it. Dreams of a future that will never be. :bigcry

I'm sorry for the dreams.

I won't say you never know what's going to happen in future...but I will say my life keeps changing in a variety of unexpected ways...not all of them have been good but they have led me to a good place right now, so I'm glad.

My wish for you is all the things you wish for Up :)
Never lose hope.

D

Dreams can be fulfilled in all sorts of ways, not necessarily with the people or situations we know now. We can never know what the future will bring, but it is possible to be happy now, in this moment, if we let go of our attachment to past and future.
Just know that there's someone thinking of you right you now, praying for your peace and clarity of mind.
<3

Hey Up.....that is terrible.
What about a pre sleeping something.....like meditation or reading....
Or pizza.

Freein... I hear you..

Dee. you're right it's an insecurity.

15...

stay tuned。。。。

Great work Obo!

Morning Fools,

Thanks Freein.
Getting there.

Up: I used to have night terrors. At one stage if I smoked or drank anything, I couldn't tell whether I would wake up bolt upright screaming or not!

After a friends suicide I used to have chronic dreams about him. I went to a Yungian therapist, who analysed the dreams as a form of therapy. Maybe dream analysis might help. It was good for me in some respects.

I know you've had family troubles and I know you don't really want to share it all as you're a proud man. You can't afford to get angry. Anger is an impossible cycle. (Obo's projecting again.....!!!!!) You have to find a way to accept the past and move forward with the new Up, the sober, updated, accepting, refreshed Up. There are many ways to the top of the mountain.... type of thing...!

Winning against the AV on Friday has been a major success. I've felt better about everything since then. There is a clarity and pride in sobriety that I had/have which you just don't get when you're drinking. It's bloody good to be back on the wagon!

I need to accept that this is for life.
That's where I went wrong.
It was always an option to drink somewhere in the darkness of my AV lurking there.
It never should have been.
That's what I need to accept, and I know I should be happy and thankful that I still have a chance to accept it....!

stay tuned................

They are not really night terrors, not really bad dreams.
Just disheartening. I hoped they would become less frequent but seem to be coming more frequently. Perhaps that will change.

Maybe if I set alarms on my phone frequently enough I can keep myself from going into REM sleep.

Hi! I know it's been a minute but I'm back. Hopefully with some more regularity. Still kickin' it sober one day at a time. Just started my last (!) semester of class before I apply to medical school. The future has become so dynamic now in both good and bad ways. All of a sudden I'm capable of looking at big picture life choices. Which is terrifying. But I'm also grateful. :)

I'm so glad you've got a couple of weeks obo! Keep putting distance behind you. And I agree with Dee about maybe reaching out more if this thread is running too slow. The AV can be so maddening and tricky those first few weeks especially.

Hi free and UP! Sorry for the bad dreams UP. I hope you can get some good rest soon.

Hi everyone else! Happy Monday!

good to hear from you rockstonic :)

D

Good to hear from you rocks.

Hi Rocks, it's great to hear you're doing so well.

UP, were you joking about the alarm thing? I actually think dreams are an important way that our minds can make sense of our experiences. I know they can be disturbing, and at the moment, yours are particularly upsetting, but I think it's important to let your mind sort through its stuff - imho it's a healing process.

Many traditions say that our suffering is caused mainly by non- acceptance of our life situation, rather than the situation itself. This isn't to say that we don't actively try to change our circumstances, but that by accepting reality we are more able to see things as they really are, and therefore make better decisions on what to do about them.

This has certainly been the case for me.
In fact it's been incredibly liberating for me.
I hope that's helpful, if not just ignore this post :)

Freein: I agree.

Rocks: Great stuff. So good to hear you're still sober.
Medical school.
Bloody hell.

stay tuned....

I was joking about the alarm idea free, even though I did consider it.
Also, thank you for the food for thought.

I agree free. I've definitely been practicing some radical acceptance lately. Sometimes life gives you lemons and you really don't need any more lemons :pout

Today was kind of an up and down day. I feel like since I've cleaned up it's upset the equilibrium in a lot of aspects in my life. A lot of my relationships are changing. I'm finding it really makes some people uncomfortable when you up and get sober on them. And I kind of thought this would have happened earlier but it seems like the longer I'm sober the more I've realized some friends almost seem to be waiting on me to go back to the way things were. No interest in that. And that's more important than some of these friendships if they can't roll with it. Still a little sad though.