Happy Birthday Help!! Yay 21 :)


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found out today that i have type 3 EDS(ehlers danlos syndrome) hypermobility Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) Causes, Symptoms, Treatment and Types on MedicineNet.com

hey sorry i have been MIA for awhile. i am 4 months self harm/cut free. and still a college student..

It's great to hear that, Jill!

Happy New Year!

i have have made it 6 months and a day free of self harm and cutting

that's awesome help! Thanks for coming in to let us know. We always benefit from hearing good news too!

I've never heard a real good reason why cutting is so harmful. Skin regenerates, its in a place where no one can see (thigh), what's the big deal? I'd MUCH rather be doing that than drugs. And I expect that I'll get back into cutting once my life really goes down the toilet as I get older. (Mid 20's right now, by my 40's its just going to be inhumanly dismal).

I lost interest in it a while ago, but I never did it very deep, never near nerves or large blood vessels, so why is it so bad for me? It just distracts from whatever is bugging my hpervigilant, neurotic self.

Well, you are technically correct.

Probably does some of the least damage for the quickest response.

BUT accidents happen. And so do things which are maybe sort of like an Overdose.

Mrs. Hammer was a cutter when we met. Like you say, well managed, hidden, all that. She explained it to me, I even sort of watched sometimes how quickly it would calm her down.

Not saying that it does not work. The hardwired brain science matches. They use heat pads to induce pain, but you can watch on fMRI scans the Emotionally Dysregulating (Hyperactive Amygdala) calms right down. Amazing. Faster than a sedative.

BUT since it was driven by unstable times, the means and methods can slip out of control.

Back maybe 12 years ago, I was gone for a few days. Beyond her "fear of abandonment" time threshold then. She went "over the edge." When I came home she had cut up both arms and had out her paint brushes and was painting with her blood on the walls.

At that point I freaked out. Not saying I did right. Forced her to see my T. Who went to work on her and did shut the stuff down. Mrs. Hammer went on to do SI studies at as part of Graduate School and is now an Addictions Therapist, herself.

But on that path has included an Alcohol Relapse, and a Severe (several year) Eating Disorder, and a trip to Rehab, herself, since then.

Here is the real take away.

YOU MUST work on the underlying problems to get a Long Term Fix.

But it is your life, and your choice.

Eh, I'm a "hypervigilant" person who was born with a super-sensitive sympathetic nervous system and a neurotic temperament. There is no fixing these things. I'll probably use this cutting "tool" again if I happen to need it. I think that cutting IS as close to learning to"live with it" as possible.

Well said. Any sort of "quick fix", whether it's drugs, alcohol, cutting, binge eating, etc. denies us the opportunity to learn how to actually deal with things. Even if it's not directly addictive (I think cutting is, but I tend to get addicted to just about everything I do), by having nothing to do with the actual problem it sets us up for needing more and more as our problems get worse. It may dull the pain, but it will never actually fix any problems.

A couple of other thoughts about why it's an issue, since I asked that very same question a few years ago. First, you're actively letting out to hurt yourself. I believe that sends a lot of subconscious messages to yourself about your worth, and whether you deserve to feel safe and cared for. If you wouldn't allow someone else to hurt you, why is it ok for you to do it? I believe these messages, even if we're not consciously thinking them, wear on us over time. I know they did for me. I started to like my scars because it gave me "proof" that I was unworthy and not as good as others, which was the position in life I'd become most comfortable in. (Though I didn't see it exactly like that at the time...hindsight is 20/20).

Second, I would ask what it is you get out of it. What helps you about it? Is it feeling the pain? If so, there are much better ways to feel pain. When my cutting habit was at its worst...every time I started feeling that need to cut I would immediately stop and do 10 pushups. If the need was still there I'd do another 10. That was the beginning of the end of my cutting and I'll tell ya in those first few months I got damn strong! lol I guess this isn't specifically a reason why cutting is bad, just that there are much healthier ways to feel the same things. I have since joined a gym and love the release I get from a super hard workout. If pushups and workouts aren't your thing...power walking was great for me too. I could always tell how upset I was by how fast/far I walked, but eventually I'd reach a point where I could think straight again. I also got the added bonus of getting outside and reconnecting with the world around me. I lost weight and started getting compliments on how I looked, rather than feeling the need to hide parts of me (which again adds to the negative feelings I had about myself).

But, I'd be FAR more worried if I was already convinced that my life in the future was going to be "inhumanly dismal" than any cutting I might be doing. It's true it's not the worst thing a person can do, but it's also not likely to help a dismal life get better.

Btw I know this is already long, but I too was a very careful cutter. Then one day I lost myself in what was basically a fit of rage, similar to the compulsion to drink they talk about in AA. I was watching myself cut deeper and deeper with a razor (usually I used a kitchen knife or something a little safer, but I wasn't thinking as myself this time). It was like something else had taken me over and this voice was telling me "more, more! deeper, deeper!" Not that I was hearing voices, just that it felt that out of control. It felt like the razor was magnetized to my skin and I cut all over my body that day, including a cut on my leg so deep I could see muscle and couldn't walk on it for quite a while. I had to throw the razor across the room to get myself to stop. It was unbelievably scary, and I never thought I was capable of something like that. Nothing like that had ever happened before...but years of pushed down, buried, undealt-with problems just came up all at once and I more or less went temporarily insane. Thank god nothing like that has happened since!

It is good that you have the sense of self-awareness.

Some of the "hardware or hardwired" portions of that is covered in links from "The Borderline Thread." Not saying anything about you and Borderline, just the Hyperactive Amygdala and Emotional Dysregulation aspects.

The general studies of Brain Calming effect of what is considered "Pain," most often use some sort of heat pad, as it tends to do less damage than cutting.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-thread.html

You may want to consider some relaxation, feedback or therapy type options to be able to calm and center yourself without injury.

Need help on finding those?

this thread has been going on for since i joined. please start your own thread please.

so i know i am not on alot but i am taking 12 hours of college classes in 3 days and that takes up a bunch of my time.

I hope school is going well for you.

Had an Advil migraine today and you know all the scary side effects they don't talk about. I had about 7 of those. My professor took one look at me and called for help. The security came first then the first aid people. Then they called 911. They came and checked me over. then missed my 4:30 class

That's lousy. Did you have to go to the hospital or were they able to clear you without taking you in?

I hope you have a better day today.

Time to start a new thread! http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4468080