mayo clinic went ok. they are sending me to vanderbilt

going to a dr next weekk for my thumb

taken advantage of
 

a guy took advantage of me a couple of days ago. i feel like its partly my fault so i didnt tell campus police. a few of my friends say me after it happened and knew something was up. and they made me tell them. but i all i wanted to do is cry. a guy friend said if i dont tell campus police he will. so i am in a pickle. but i keep seeing what happened in flash backs.

I don't want to give legal advice, but I've always found the police to be helpful when I needed them.

my most recent poem..
 

There is a girl…

There’s a girl in the corner.
We wonder what her story is.
Her story is complex.
It has many parts to it.

She has been abused.
Her dad yells at her
and so does her mum.
Her brother would yell
And tell her she’s not
wanted here.

The guys that she dates.
Each one tells her that they
are different, but they never are.
They abuse her like, she is
a rag doll with no feelings.
They yell, hit, and sexually abuse her.
She hates to say but she is used to it.

She hurts herself.
She cuts herself.
Never too deep.
Just enough for the pain
and some blood.
It’s a good release.

She fights for her life
everyday.
Her health isn’t the best.
She faints a lot and her
heart is messed up.
Her doctors still don’t
know what is fully wrong.


She feels all alone.
From her parents and
brother yelling at home.
She doesn’t belong there.
The guys abusing her, leaves
her feeling gross and dirty.

The friends she has say
they care and are there for her,
but when she reaches out
they act like they don’t care.
So she spends all her time alone.

She’s afraid to say something.
Her parents say everything
is her fault. So why would
real life be different?

She listens to music all the time.
If you knew what she was
listening to you would ask “why?”
Her music speaks what she’s
feeling when her words can’t

Her story keeps her
from many things.
few know bits of it
and the rest haunts her.

i wont be posting for a awhile

doctors dont know what is wrong. and i have been living in pain for about a month now. theres only so much i can take. i cry sometimes to god begging him to heal me. and sometimes i just ant to break down completely. but i cant. i have to be strong

i am back

Welcome back!

Good to hear from you!

my life was busy so i couldn't get on. life kinda sucks. i got stood up by a guy and that really broke me. and before that my home life was bad. i was also in a percussion ensemble so that took up a lot of my time. after my friend died i fell into depression was still cutting. then finals came along and i had to study and pass my classes(i did) then last week i ended up in the er bc i passed out 4 times in an hour... now i am home from college and my home life still sucks and its prob the worst it has ever been.

Welcome Back Help :You_Rock_

new poem
 

Each time i want to
open up.
I do a little then close back
up.
Because i am afraid what
will come of me id i let someone
in.

I suffer from depression and
I wear a fake smile.
I have to hide how i really
feel.
I am fighting this battle
alone.

I feel like a burden to
some.
They say "they want me to
open up" but i can't let them in.
Its not that i don't trust them.
Its because i don't trust me.

My life is broken.
I suffer from health issues
all the way to family issues.
People ask about my health and
it makes me break down.
I hate talking about it because
it beaks my heart.

My family doesn't care
about me.
It feels sometimes that they just
want me gone.
I am a nobody to them.

Jill, I saw that you were on chat last night--it was a relief to know that you were okay. I don't do chat because I type very slowly and my browser has a plug-in problem, otherwise I would have joined.in and said hello...

So I just wanted to say

Hello

i wish my family would care, i am tired of being alone all the time and honestly i just feel like my parents would be better without me. I am stuck in an abusive home. and there is no way out. no matter what people say they dont fully understand how bad it is. My family looks fine on the outside. but its just one big show. i am just so tired. i am so tired of my life. i am so young and i know that i am a mistake. and a failure. my family want to kick me out. I don’t belong in my family, they dont want me. I want out but thats not an option. I am alone in the battle and i will always be… i turn 21 in 37 days and i will be alone on that day. My family is going on a family vacation without me. I can’t do this anymore.

been reading a book tonight and it brought me to tears a few time.


i know i havent written in a while. been going through a valley right now. been really depressed. i havent cut. i want to but i cant. a few people would eat me if i did.

yesterday was fathers day. and that was hard bc my father doesnt care or love me. so i spent all day alone...

found out i got the job i applied to.:dee

now i am back to crying..

its me birthday!!
 

today i turned 21!:a122:

Congratulations!

Happy Birthday Jillian

The start of another age of life.

God bless you.

:bday2

Sorry I missed your birthday--

Thanks for sharing it with us here at SR!