My biggest thing was allowing my children to get close to someone that would eventually dissapoint them................I blame myself for that. :(

In addition to the ambiguity that Shaman mentions, I'm annoyed by the lack of common sense, logic. Over the past year, I've realized I'm annoyed by these two things regardless of active addiction and with everyone. Addiction just intensifies it. I've had to step away from everyone free falling without a parachute.

Definitely the poverty. Food Pantry for thanksgiving dinner. Poverty is too rich a word for the lifestyle with an addict. Definitely the damned poverty! Skid Row broke. Got drugs, but not a penny for gas.

Putting my life on hold waiting for him to get his act together.

I couldn't agree more. I feel so ashamed and embaressed now to think of how much of my life I let slip by that year I was with him. He never forced me or told me to stop doing or seeing anyone but I had such a strong pull to him. I didnt know he was an addict until the end of our relationship but I really felt like he needed me so much that I just poured myself into him.

Now I'm getting back in touch with the people and things I enjoyed before and I feel bad that I let him take me away from being me. It's not his fault those, previos posts have helped me to realize this was my choice and I did it to myself. Thank you for the clarification!

Although I am grateful for feeling my feelings it makes me made that they can numb the pain and I cant. I have to feel it and grow from it while they feel nothing and could care less.

T add to the list, I Hate how he verbally attacks me every time he is using for no reason at all! Over a simple conversation at diner in a restaurant he began calling me names , then got up and just felt me there....I wanted to dig a hole and crawl in and hide! The best part is his amnesia the next morning....:react

nodding out driving the car on the way to the movies...
nodding out IN the movie and dumping a bucket of cola on the guy next to him...
not seeing the ending of Inglorious Bastards

Nodding out in the restaurant
Nodding out in the plate of food
Me nudging the nodder to keep him awake long enough to finish my meal...

Crazy making for me, at the time, was the time, energy and money I spent trying to fix my daughter's addiction.

Looking back, it was all about my illusions and choices. I empowered her addiciton and made it all about me, me, me.

It's all about ego.

Yep... I recorded too... audio AND video.... Although I never confronted him directly about what I heard or saw... just had it for my own sense of sanity. He could deny all he wanted... when asked... but I knew in my mind what actually happened... in the event I would question myself.... (how sick is that?)

Today I experienced fallout of my EXH... I approached a customer and I didn't even get a word out she said.... "I told you all NOT to come back!!!"

Yikes! Come to find out from her that my EXH had recently stopped by her house late one evening looking for "something".... she said she couldn't figure out what he was looking for.... he kept telling her "you know".... she said "No... I don't know"....

She said she thought he came looking for some tail... cuz he said "Don't tell my wife".... eventually he said he was looking for drugs.... she sent him packing and told him to never come back.

I clarified that he and I were no longer married because of a history of this behavior and that I really wanted to keep her as a customer.

She agreed to remain a customer and I was happy to hear that (in this economy)... but I felt icky.... I didn't like having my integrity or character questioned....

Why he chose to ask her for drugs is beyond me... but she was really, really mad.

This is what happens when you are involved with an Addict/Alcoholic.

I'm late on this post and loved reading through all the entries. The thing that annoys me the most is that addicition even exists! For me every single thing has annoyed me-what it did to me as a person, what it did to my husband, the financial ramifications and the worry of how my STBX's addiction will affect my son.

I hate how things get turned around. I try to handle something in a healthy way but it threatens how the addict thinks or what he believes about himself so he tries to flip things so I feel like I am doing something wrong. Whether it is to protect his own way of thinking or to make me go away or to send me on a guilt trip because he's made I called him out on his crap, it makes me so mad!

Still MONTHS later, trying to survive with no money paying bills HE left behind............

I knew in my mind what actually happened... in the event I would question myself.... (how sick is that?)

oh you crack me up. really, i feel ya on that! how sick IS that!?

My late ABF didn't believe any audio / video stuff either until... he read the discovery at his arraignment hearing. He'd gotten into a car, sold pills, chewed two himself, collected $100.00 from/to a confidential informant and undercover sheriff. The dashboard was fully equipped! And he still wanted to think he was on Punk'd with Ashton Kutcher.

:rotfxko

oh, that is good Insulated. very very good.

Addition makes me crazy:

That I have lost my son and never want to see him again.
That drugs can take such a hold on a person and control their mind and will.
That it makes a derelict out of a good person.
That it takes away a parent from his children.
That I could not control myself from chasing him on crack.
That I lost my business because of his crack addiction.
The money that goes to the criminals that provide drugs.
Selling everything you have to get drugs.
$1000 - $3000 binges.
Giving your new car to a drug dealer for a few hours of high and never seeing it again.
Worrying if he is still alive and thinking everyone would be better off if he were not alive.
That I believed he could overcome this addiction.
Fear of suicide.
Fear that addition will control him the rest of his life.

[B]Lies...stealing...disappearing...

This is one of the things I hated the most. I hated myself for wishing the father of my children would just die from his crack addiction and let everyone mourn and move on.

:agree

What I hated about living with my addicted husband:

the WAITING for him to come home...would he? Would he bring my car back? Would it be drivable? Would he come home at all?

The LYING..but worse, I hated that I let myself believe the lies because I wanted everything to be ok.

NO MONEY. I hated having to take a second job at a fast food place to pay the lawyer so I could declare bankrupcy.

my AH telling my family,friends, coworkers, his drs.and even the police that I was mentally ill (he is bipolar/pain meds addiction). him calling the police and saying Im committing suicide and they come to my house with lights/sirens on, him calling the police for changing the locks and they came here, him calling the police and telling them I wont give him personal papers..having the police watch me/house daily and feel my life is disrupted by being watched (I know its for my safety)..my AH made me feel insane and isolated and a emotional wreck before his addiction/mental illness was brought to everyone's attention and me hiding it for too long. and of course the lies and him putting attention on me to hide his addiction.

this exact same thing happened to me. my world became so small. my ah also told the police i was mentally ill. not only was i able to talk to friends and family about what was going on in our house, i couldn't even get any help from the police. like i said if i had not found sr when i did, i would be committed by now. i actually came to believe it was me who was mentally ill. i hate that addiction and what it does to families.

even though this is old, it has still helped me today. the more i read you guys experiences, the more i understand what was happening with the 'ME' that i once was.

While watching Joel Osteen this morning, he had a great message. "We bloom where we are planted". We might be living around weeds, but if we rise above, we will be the flower that blooms. Just thought this thread might appreciate that message. Have a great day everybody!!
:)

Love this! Indeed if we don't rise above.... we can be mistaken for a weed! (no pun intended) :)

wet dollar bills, my missing measuring spoons, of course the needles. I hate looking at the track marks, the black circles under his eyes, all the burn holes in his clothes, his teeth that he had so much pride in after years of orthodontia and whitening, now look like sh!t.

My late ABF began drinking daily upon wake up to wash down the pills. Usually polished off a 5th by the time I dropped him at work on his "new" job. He was sharing a conversation with me that he'd had with the other three men that worked with him and informed them he is an alcoholic. The men responded "I couldn't tell". I just looked at late ABF in disbelief and said "they've never seen you sober."

Yes! My ex worked construction and they alllll drank to excess! So asking a bunch of people who have never seen you sober if you are an alcoholic, well.....
LOL

I think my favorite crazy making event was when I was leaving him, had a truck on the lawn, loading stuff in it. He said he was breaking up with me. To which I asked
"Do you hear YOURSELF when you talk?" It's the Jedi traction they gain in active addiction that is both amazing and insanity.

I must remember this question when I feel like my head is gonna explode from jedi foolishness.

I hate myself for this but often times I feel this same way, glad to know that I'm not the only one.

The things my addict does that drives me crazy..

1. The fact that he doesn't seem to mind living in filth.. he has a room in our house that he hangs out in, it looks worse then a teenagers room. I used to go in there and tidy up now I just close the door.. not my mess.

2. Empty pill bottles everywhere, I hate empty pill bottles..

3. Empty pins or sawed off empty pins..

4. The way he tries to justify himself taking three different anti depressents along with his suboxone... the dr prescribes it so it must be ok :headbange

5. The fact that I put up with this bs and I make excuses as to why I can't leave yet.. I'm currently on a two year plan with myself in terms of kicking him out where it should be a 2 month plan.