Hi and welcome.
I can understand your questioning and it's not a bad idea to do that since you are starting to feel uncomfortable in this relationship.
We had a discussion about attachment styles in a thread here not long ago and it seems that maybe that is an issue here for you two.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ent-style.html (Coping With an Insecure Attachment Style)
There is a book that is often recommended here, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie, you might want to have a look for that, you might find it very helpful.
I'm assuming when you say "my life has essentially disappeared into this black hole surrounding her" that the alcoholism has a lot to do with this. That's pretty much the norm in an alcoholic relationship unless you can separate yourself from it and the damage it causes and the drama as well.
This seems unlikely since you aren't even "allowed" to look at your phone on your own.
I guess I feel like I try to hold on to her positive attributes and give her chances to improve
What is her take on this? Have you discussed it with her at all?
The "chances to improve" - that's dangerous territory. She is who she is, why would she need to improve or change? Part of being with someone and loving them is accepting them just the way they are really. If you two have talked about these issues and she's said they are things she is going to work on (action, not words btw) that's one thing, if you are just "hoping" she will have some kind of personality change, that's something quite different.
Alcoholism is progressive. What she is and who she is now may be far from where she will be in a year or two. Gaining knowledge about alcoholism is imperative, you've landed in the right place!
You might find these thread helpful too:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)