I didn't wanna be just his friend, WHY CAN"T I OPEN THIS LETTER ???

Just open it Jen. It will eat you alive until you do. Atleast it will answer some questions for you maybe. Let us know if we can do anything and I mean what I said in my private message.

I've gotta get busy - I'll check in later.

Hang in there Jen.

Jen, Are you still there? Janet gave you a wonderful answer to your question. My feelings are that , yes, he was married a very long time and had a great love for his wife. I do feel that he shared a love for you that was a bit more than a friendship. But due to timing and circimstances, well........ if he would have beat this illness, who knows where the two of you would of went from there.

You just take comfort in knowing that you held a very special place in his heart and he had a very special kind of love for you.

Did you say that you had his photo album?
Is there anyway you can put his picture on your profile so that all of us who loved him here and put a face to the wonderful person that he was?
Please forgive me if that is just to much to ask of you right now.

Sending all my love,
Valley

Thank you valley, I will try to do what you said sometime. It just hurts too much to look at it right now, to look at what he used to look like and what he looked like laying in that bed. He never got mad, he never asked why me, nothing. He took everything they threw at him without a complaint. I will open the letter sometime soon and if he past along anything to pass on to you guies I will tell you ok ?

Jen, Dale was just so special and he had such a strong and wonderful faith in God. I am sure that that is why he didnt get mad or complain....I believe that he just turned hisself over to God and trusted that God had a plan for him.....be it here on earth or in heaven.
It takes a very special and strong person to do that. I'll tell ya, Dale was just the whole package! I feel that one is very lucky to come to know a person such as he was once in their life time.

Jen, you just do what you need to do and do it on your time and terms. When you can handle it, then you open the letter. I would try and not take to long, just in case he had a special request that may needed to be done very soon after his passing. But sweetie, thats ok, you do it when you can.

Did you get the private message i sent to you? Let me know ok?
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love, Valley

Hey Beginagain - I have a question about this board.... Are people here goign to be okay with the fact that I am still on meds every day? I know that some of the people on Healthboards didn't agree that I was getting any control over my addiction because I am on the methadone for pain now every day... But I think that most that KNOW me understand that I cannot go off the meds because of my pain condition and that I did a lot of work to get off the vicodin and to find a med that didn't get me high and that I could follow the precription properly with... which the methadone has been great for. But some people dont' agree and see that as still "using". Just don't know what the mindset is on this board about that subject? Thought you might know... Just want to know what to expect over here.

In his letter
I think I am in trouble, Dale said that he wanted to thank me for so much help he gave me but he said his lawyer would be contacting me in the next week. What could I have done ???

Tina I think you are on MMT (methadone maintenance therapy) for a valid reason 1) addiction and 2) pain management and 3) you are smart enough to have your brother help you with your meds. There are lots of people here who are on MMT or who have just gotten off MMT. The fact that you are not self medicating and you are doing what is necessary to keep your addiction in check is a wonderful thing. Will there be people who disagree with MMT here? Yes, but there will also be people who dont - just like everywhere in the world - there are differences.

There are people who don't agree with Sub, and there are people who won't like it that I take something to sleep occasionally, and being different makes the world go round. You are welcome here - don't worry and in the event someone disagrees with your treatment, ignore them and move on. You will know when it is time to stop MMT and when you feel well enough and strong enough to do it. Until then we are by your side.

Jen - probably he has left you something in his will dear. You haven't done anything wrong. And yes please do put that picture out here or e-mail it to me and I will do it for you. Probably need to post it in the "cafe" thread - we can do a special little tribute to him right here....I think that would make him happy!! Let me know if you want my e-mail address and I'll send it to you.

Jen, Oh sweetie....dont worry....you didnt do anything wrong! You are not in trouble!!!!!!! Often people will have a lawyer to make provisions for ones loved ones after they pass on. He may have asked is lawyer to request something of you (like, maybe he wants you to do something that he didnt ask of you) or he may have left you something in his will.

Sooooo you are not in trouble!!!!! Most people as they get older or those who may be diagnosed with a terminal illness will contact a lawyer and will draw up a will. Once the person passes away the lawyer acts and handles everything for the person.

Once you talk to the lawyer, maybe some of your questions will be answered.

It will all be ok honey, I promise!

Valley

Do I need a laywer or something like that ?? I don't have any money for that if I do ?

No Jen, Dale's lawyer will take care of everything for you. Do you know who his lawyer is? If so, call him and ask if you can come in to see him. He will explain everything to you!

Valley

I have no idea what I am doing, I am just overwhelmed.

Well I am technically not on MMT. Just methadone for pain thru a pain management doctor. But my doctor's are 100% aware of my problems with the vicodin. But they are treating my pain, not my addiction. But I think that it helps with both personally. Taking care of TWO problems with ONE solution... So the plan is for me to be on the methadone until I the doctors feel I am old enough to have the hysterectomy, which will be about 5 years. I guess methadone is better for long term because you do not build up a tolerance as quickly as you do with other opiates. So I should be able to stay at the same dosage for quite awhile wihtout having to increase, unless something worsens in my condition, but that shouldn't happen because it's about as bad as it can get right now! But the methadone has been a miracle for the pain.... I wish I had gone on it LONG ago! Especially because of the lack of a "buzz" from it. I keep thinking that if I had been on this from teh get-go maybe I never would have developed the addiction that I did! It all started when the vicodin stopped being as effective on my pain and then the more I took I realized the "better" I felt (high) so I took more and more....it sure would have been nice if i'd been on a med that didn't get me high and then things might have been a lot different! Oh well, no use in dwelling....

Thanks though, for sticking by me and not judging. To ME, I am "clean", I see clean as being that you are no longer ABUSING your meds. I really wish I could have the surgery earlier...but I have been to four different docs and none of them will do it. I just wish I could stop taking ALL meds! But I have to say, the methadone has been the best. I can function like a "normal" person again....I'm not all buzzed up or loopy. I just feel like myself again, before the pain and before the addiction...

Oh Jen, Please....try to relax. I PROMISE.......it will all be okay! I know it is all overwhelming! You dont have to do anything if you dont want.....just sit tight and let the lawyer contact you. Once the lawyer contacts you then you can just go from there.

When are you planning on going out of town? If you should leave before the lawyer contacts you then just leave a phone number where you can be reached to be given to the lawyer.

It will all be ok and all the pieces will slowly all come together.

Talk to you soon,
Valley

In Dales letter, he specifically mentions Janet, Valley, Tina, Twinlynn, and slope and he said if he forgot anyone he is very sorry. His handwriting was very hard to decifer but I think I got the most of what he said.

Valley he said for you to follow your heart, he said he will be with you always. He said he hoped your home life straightend out and that he will remember the great bike trip that you guys took always.

Janet he said you were the star in the dark nights, he said that you latched on to him from day one and would not let go and he thanked god for that. He also said you have so much wisdom, he said you have all of your own answears to just listen to yourself. He said when you see the stars to think of him.

Tina he thanked you for all that you helped him with, giving him the courage to call his doctor and come clean with what he was doing. He hoped you were heading in the right direction.

Twinlynn, he said he is going to direct gods hands to help your husband, turn it over to god. Only he can help.

Slippery slope he said that you gave him alot of help and he appreciated it alot.

He also said everyone on the boards was his family and he thanked everyone, he said he is going to make one last helicopter jump. He said hold on to your loved ones tight because you never know when they will be gone. It can happen in an instant.

I am not ready to post what he wrote to me.
I have to sign off for a bit I am sorry
Jen

His words to HB's friends just proves that the man's heart was a big one. To reach out to cyber friends and not even know them is very touching. I only wish we could have said something to him in his last days.

Jen- you're a wonderful girl. take your time and I'm sure the lawyer thing isn't a bad thing. He probably wanted to leave you something and there is nothing wrong with that. You were there for him in the end and that is what he appreciated. Also to the rest of y'all. He felt so touched by you guys.

I will hang on to this words because they ring so true for all of us. Life is so precious......Damn HB for not allowing him to say bye to his only friends he had left-his cyber friends. You guys are great people. What would he have done without you.

I'm truly touched by this thread and all of you gals.

Gosh Jen that brings tears to my eyes. Yes I spent alot of time talking to him and encouraging him - but he did it....he did not give himself enough credit. I only wish I could have jumped on a plane and come for a visit just to surprise him. I wish he and Valley could have made that ride.

I just know that sweet man is up in heaven, finally free of pain and uncertainty and all the challenges in this life - looking down on all of us. He had an awesome life from what he has told me and I am extra proud of him for getting clean - he faced terrible odds with all of the problems in his life and then getting sick. He was amazing and no I don't think I'll ever gaze at a star again without thinking of his strong but sweet and gentle spirit. Like I said before I wish I could have met him...I think he would have enjoyed the company - I know I would have.

:)

Thank you for all the kind words Begin, I am sure Dale is reading everything you guys write and smileing that big smile. I hope that no one got left out, and that they understand that this was written three days before he passed away. He loved everyone on the boards alot. He sounded thankful that he got a chance to say goodbye to everyone. Begin you were right the letter answeared alot of questions, as usual he was thinking of everyone but himself. I am happy with what he wrote but sad that he is gone, if that makes any sence. I do not want to make everyone sad, I know I did that on the other place but I didn't have any choice.

Is nobody around ?? guess no one is there today :c021: