Hen House Talk Part 59
 

Here is the last part:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-58-a-26.html

Shotgun!!! :tongue:

Thank you Anna ♥

I hear you Jay....it seems like a strange way to go about helping someone. I'm so sorry this is so frustrating. What can you do? The only thing I can think of is calm honest communication. Ask for a meeting, and perhaps discuss your needs as far as wanting to know when you will be able to leave. Just letting them know that it will be helpful to your recovery if you have a date to work towards...something like that.

So much love sweety.

I ask them everyday for a date. They won't give one to me, they just tell me they'll release me when I'm not a risk anymore and show sufficient improvement. I can't show sufficient improvement unless they make my voices magically disappear...I'm not delusional, but if I'm honest then yeah, I still hear them and yeah, they tell me to do bad things. I don't know what they want me to do other than start lying to them.

Man that's hard. Do you feel that the medication is helping at all?
Is it possible that it will help given a little more time?

Well they FINALLY increased my dose today, so we'll see if it helps. I'm assuming I'll be here at least a few more days for monitoring which really sucks. I miss Moose, and Sasha, and Theo :(

I know you do love. :hug:
But that sounds positive, re the medication.
I believe it will start working better...I have a lot of hope here.
You deserve a break...

A few more days is worth it if your life can be easier.
And we will be with you every step of the way! ♥

Jay - Sorry I missed you, but am hoping the increased dose will help and get you out of there soon!!

Boss lady and the doc are going to be out of the office, the state and then the COUNTRY until next month - no yelling!!! I'm thinking it will be pretty slow at work, but I will stretch out my work and put in my hours.

Did find out I have at least 4 days paid time off and mini-boss lady is supposed to fax over my insurance paperwork so they can get me registered. TBH, I was afraid to even ask boss lady, but she's the one who handles it so I did and she was quite nice. Why not, she and hubby are going to a tropical island for over a week!

Was checking book of faces, while it was slow at work (another rebel here) and found out my aunt M is possibly going to have to go on dialysis?!?! I couldn't get hold of her, talked to uncle J and he doesn't know much, other than he thinks that she was at the doctor about that. He has been out of work for 3 months due to vertigo.

Talked to aunt Phyllis and she's working herself up trying to go through all the stuff in their house and figure out what to do with it.

Haven't heard anything about the bratkins coming down, but at least I didn't really get my hopes up.

Chic - how did the dr's appt. go?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Wow, it seems like I haven't been here forever..
Almost 9 months clean now



Have some hardcore anxiety and some depression happening right now though
(hopelessness) ....slammin headaches almost everyday too :(

(((dreamscape))) ♥

(((Jay))) I am glad they did something other than talking and making you frustrated.. up-ing your meds is a positive change, and I hope it helps you right away!
all you can do is be honest. that is the only way to get real help, sweetheart. they need the truth, in order to help.
Is your new schizo wizard doc seeing you there? I have a good feeling about her....love ya...I know you miss your furbabies. They are fine, and time is different for them. of course you know this.. you are the animal guru...love , chic

(((Dreamscape))) so good to see you! hang in there. things will get better. you are in good company here! we are all struggling with something or other right now. so we are glad to wrap you in our comfort blankie.. its crowded but full of love!

xoxoxo
chicory

((Jay)) and ((Joe)) - Keeping you both in my hugs and prayers, as I do all of the henhousers.

Amy

G'night hh'rs..
xoxoxo
chicory

Thank you so much ..you guys are the best

One minute at a time..right? :c017:

Would anyone mind if I joined in here. I looked at the whiners, it moves faster then I can keep up with.

Hi everyone, my name is Ann Marie. Or call me jynx.

Hello love! :)
We have met before, I am sure....in Whiners.
Lovely to see you, and by all means jump right in.
The Hen House is an awesome place to chat...and there are wonderful caring people here.

My first pet in my life was a white cat called Jinx.
We will call you whatever you want to be called.... :hug:

V xx

I do prefer jynx. There is already an amy here, and Ann Marie is just too long.

Little bout myself. I am an RA. I mostly hang out in F and F of alcoholics. I don't really know where I belong.

You belong right here jynx. :hug:
I am also an RA ~ addict/alcoholic.
And there are others here who post in F&F as well.
REALLY glad you joined us! :)

Good morning all!

Welcome Jynx! This is a great place, it's been a bit quiet, so don't worry, it fills up off and on, and someone will always come along to talk with:) You can belong here if you wish to!
I travel around SR and it is nice to have a spot to consider home base. Whiners is truly wonderful too, and most of us here wander over there and jump in the stream and try to catch up lol. Good folks, and funny.

Glad to have you Jynx.
I hope everyone has a good day. I am off to work soon. an early meeting..
love and hugs!
Chic

Good morning all. In typical Bad Boy Mercury, I couldn't get connected last night.

((((Yakkie)))) I know you miss the furrier ones, please be patient and please please be honest. I know you're honest by nature. Continue to be, OK?

((((((Joe!)))))). So good to see you! Congrats on your nine months! I know you've worked so hard!

Welcome (((jynx)))))

Chicory, how are you doing honey girl? I need to PM you about something when I have better connection.

Amy, so sad to here about your aunt M. I want you to know I was talking to a an old collegue I havent seen for years, he mentioned his Dad had been on dialysis for years before he got a kidney transplant and is now FINE!! Amazing!!! So fingers crossed.

((((Vee)))) how are you doing, girlie?

I managed to drag through yesterday, got all my tasks done. Got my flight up her no problem, which goes to show us all....even with Mercury RX, it all works out without my worrying for 12 hours! LOL

And,if all continues, I get to see some more old friends and clients. And possibly have a very good time. I am going to have to buy a cozy sweater if I plan to leave the buildings. It's snowing like a snowing thing at destination and I failed to pack a decent sweater. I have a T shirt of Hubs which is giant on me and does not look right.

OK, I'm going to try and sleep a bit more.

Love from Lenina

Hi,

Slept a little late today. Feeling a little under the weather. Second cold this season, but it's nice when you live alone and no one notices what time you dragged yourself out of bed.

I have 4 cats and one of them learned a new trick that I have to try to break her of. She is climbing up the wood work around the doors. It's really hard to catch her in action with the spray bottle. Only other thing that I can think of her break her out of this is putting 2 way tape there for awhile. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

I go to the whiners sometimes, but if feels like I need to read about 10 pages just to catch up with everyone.

Just going to read around for now and try to catch up.

jynx

I have had a really hard day. I totally lost it. Like shouting match turning into tears lost it... he does not understand and I was so tired of being questioned that I finally threw in the towel. He pushed all my buttons and he knew exactly what he was doing. How can he treat someone that way? Triggering for the hell of it. He would not stop asking me about my dad. What was it like to live with him, how did he treat you, was he high all the time, did he treat your mother well, your sister, on and on and on. I told him he had everything he needed in my file and maybe he should just read it instead of asking me. I made it PLAIN AS DAY that I didn't want to talk about him. He doesn't matter to me anymore. He kept asking saying my file has no emotional context. I flat out told him to drop it. He was persistent. I finally shouted at him, "FINE. YOU WANT TO SEE?" and I took off my shirt. I asked him if it was enough emotional context for him. He told me to calm down. I didn't... I asked him if he'd like me to wake him up tomorrow morning by pressing a lit cigarette to his back or if he'd like to be dragged out of bed by his neck and thrown to the floor to be kicked. I asked him if when he came home from work if he'd rather be belted to the point that his skin was shredded and bleeding or have objects thrown at him the minute he enters his front door. I asked if when he goes to bed if he has to hide under it or actually gets to sleep on the mattress. I got in his face, he stood up having already hit his panic button, and I shouted at him if he felt good about himself for not hitting his kids, even though I know he'd like to.

Right before the two [male] nurses bust through the door to grab me, guess who shows up? My real psychologist (we'll just call her A for the ease of it)... the one I see outside of the hospital. No one had told me she was coming. I can only assume she heard everything I said through the walls, I was not quiet. I had requested to see her last night, pretty much knowing that would never happen because I was sure it was against policy to bring in "outsiders", but they said they would at least call her. Well I guess it's not against policy cause there she was, in the flesh. I was completely enraged, fists made at my side, ready to freaking fight and she comes in followed by the two nurses who get a hold of me. I spat on the psychologist man and A tells me to calm down and tells the psychologist man to leave. He argues and tells her that he's got it under control but she can sit in if she wants. She argues back that he should leave as it is "dangerous" for him to stay given the transference between us [me and the psychologist man]. I believe transference is like projecting your issues with someone else onto the therapist? I'm not 100% on that. I think she was saying that I was seeing him as my father in that moment (which is kinda true, I have made the comparison). So he relents and leaves the room. The two nurses still have me and A asks me if I can be calm. I nod my head and she tells the nurses they can leave. The rage has mostly left at this point and unfortunately that means that I am consumed with fear and upset instead from flashbacks. She gives me back my shirt, works on getting me back to "me" and goes about business... I told her that I wanted to leave. She understood but told me there isn't much she can do about it and told me jokingly (and not so jokingly) that I needed to comply calmly if I want to get out of here. She said she would try to get me reassigned to a female psychologist here though...she doesn't really have any pull here I don't think but considering what happened today, I don't think they'll have too many qualms with switching me.

I'm grateful she was there right in the nick of time...I am not proud of what I did or said. I didn't really think, I reacted. Fight or flight... I know I shouldn't have spat on him or said what I said, but he doesn't understand. He was provoking me purposely and HE shouldn't have done that either. I feel badly about it but I hope he feels bad about what he was doing to me today too. He has no patience or compassion. He has no idea how much this hurts, how much these memories hurt. I am having a really hard time pushing them out of my mind now and I don't want to relive them anymore :(.

I'm sorry if the above post is TMI...I try to regulate but this can't be regulated...

Tack up tinfoil? I don't know.

Oh, Jay. I'm so, so sorry. (((HUGS))) I have no words, just hugs.

Sorry jynx ~ no clue, but chic will know. For sure.

Oh Jay, darling Jay....I understand. Of course. That man has absolutely no clue. I am so sorry you went through that. Thank God A turned up when she did...now she is one cool therapist. I trust her completely.

Your job now is to breath, and forgive yourself. That was NOT your fault....what on earth did he think would happen? I guess there are people, no matter how well qualified, who do not understand if they have not suffered abuse. Our buttons can be pushed and we go right back there...it happened to me at work once. I got pushed and pushed and I lost my mind, and had a massive hysterical screaming fit in the major boss' office. I was mortified. And they fired me...and I have never told anyone this before.

Anyway, your job now is to slowly calm yourself, as best as you can, and say over and over that you are loved, you are strong, and you can do this. (My friend Conquest in my Oct class thread said this to me, and I have it on my bathroom mirror).

We love you sweety.

V xx

Hi Jay, I am so sorry that you had such a horrible day. I do thank you for coming here and writing about it, and I hope that is helpful to you, so that you can perhaps just put it on paper so that it doesn't continue to build up. I do want to give "little jay" a really big hug and hold you and tell you that you did not deserve any of that.

I also understand that I am new to this thread, and I don't know that much about anything, so if anything at all seems like I am making presumptions, just tell me to shut the h3ll up. (lol)

Thank you for that tip about the tin foil. I forgot about that. I used to have plants that the cats would always dig at the dirt. I used tin foil for that. Will try that and let you know how it works.

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) )

(((Jay)))

I need to practice boundaries or I'm going to use.

I admit that I don't handle life well at all, life handles me...it bitch slaps me constantly

That said, it doesn't mean that I can't learn coping skills (an old dog CAN learn new tricks)...woof woof

Without getting into details, when I was growing up I learned at an early age to panic and worry
it's hard to de-learn that type of stuff

(((Dreamscape))) what are your boundaries?, practice, man, practice. :hug:

(((Jynx))). duct tape.. they hate duct tape, and it might work to put some up just so far on the woodwork she is climbing. hope that helps. :hug:

(((Jay))) Perhaps did you need to get that out, Jay? Seems like he thought so. Was it good to vent, even if it does leave you with the yukky afterward? Just wondering sweetheart. I am sorry you are feeling upset about it. Don't give it power over you ... you are such a brainiak, find your personal power, you have some. Its not easy sometimes. and I probably don't know what the Hell I am saying so forgive me, please....
I am sooo glad that A has stepped in! She is my hero! She really cares about you, Jay. She has proved that over and over. Listen to her, you know you can trust her.
Get as much rest as you can. Do something that you like... because this is a temporary blip on the screen, part of your healing... and you will heal.
we love you jay, and thank you for sharing and caring for us.:hug: