Gosh, it is quiet here! Well, 50 or 51 days sober, I am losing track, and also feeling pretty good.

How is everyone?

Where is everyone?

Still looking at the possibility of starting an alternative in-person recovery group, and wondering how to publicize it such that there are enough people to have an actual meeting...not sure where to post on the internet about this, perhaps on sites that list social groups? Hmmm, having some problems, here, on the getting it started front! But I have many other considerations to make first, but this is a major one: getting enogh people involved to reach 'critical mass'.

Great job staying sober, HuskyPup! I'm impressed how you doggedly keep sober despite not having found your "comfy place" :)

I was lucky in that face to face meetings weren't needed, because where I live there's only one choice ;)

Keep up the excellent work!!!

Thanks, Murray. I think I really do benefit from face to face contact in terms of recovery, but that the AA thing is just not a good fit for me, the more I explore it, the harder it becomes to feel much connection to it, and the more distant people seem to become from me, like I am some invading organism. Which, I suppose, I am, in that I don't believe in the 'group canon' (BB), the steps, and all that, so the human contact I seek is muddied, muffled and conditional. It seems like there are a lot more alternative groups on the west coast...here, it is pretty much impossible to find anything but AA, unless you have a car, and a normal schedule.

Maybe I am just lonely, there is also that. But not lonely enough to find going to AA much of a help/solace/feeling of connecting to others. Arg. Why this longing? Why so alone feeling?

Day 51.

A week of rain, but no desire to drink...mainly just to rest.

I know a fellow who's been sober for 25 years, goes to AA, but hasn't gotten past step 1. He's happy there, and they give him the space to be the individual he needs to be. Guess what I'm saying is, you'll never know how nice the people in a room are if you never go in.

I always said I'd go crawling through the door begging for admittance if the urges got so bad I couldn't handle them myself!!

I understand how you feel Huskypup. It is nice to go and connect with others, but for me, the dischord I felt (for all the reasons you mentioned) outweighed any benefits I got from the meetings. I went regularly for quite a while, but I had already decided in treatment that I was never going to drink again, so going to the meetings wasn't to keep me sober it was to continue to grow. I began to feel like it was having the opposite effect for me.

I hear what Murray is saying as far as "you will never know how nice the people in a room are if you never go in" this is true...and I know lots of nice Baptist people too, but I am not going to spend lots of time in their church just because they are nice people. We are apples and oranges, the Baptists and I LOL...just not much in common, ya know? I'm sure it would be fun because I'm nice and they're nice, but eventually there would be some awkwardness...and probably some uncomfortable feelings all around. Said Baptist folks and I share a common bond in that we are all human, but beyond that...there isn't much to meet and talk about on a regular basis. So it has gone for me in AA. There are nice people and we share the fact that we have all been addicted to alcohol, but beyond that there isn't much to talk about.

I hear people on SR describe meetings like Murray mentioned where people are open minded and give others the space to be who they need to be. I haven't found any that are consistently like that here though.

Huskypup...hang in there. Let the feelings pass through you.

I hear you on being lonely...why do you think I've posted so much...lol:). I still don't know what to do with mysel at night sometimes. Especially now that the days are getting shorter again.

I have started actively looking for things to do where I can meet people...for instance I am going to a lecture on trees at the local museum next week...lol...it's only $5 and it's from 7-9 on a Friday night:)

Husky, many newspapers will run free recovery classifieds.

I used to facilitate SMART Recovery meetings. It was really rewarding.

Listening to The Human League's Mirror Man. Dang that is a good song. Then again I love synthpop. Speaking of THL their album this year, Credo, is really good.

Thanks for all the suggestions. I have still been doing 1 AA meeting a week, here, mainly for the social aspect...the ritual routine parts seem to repetitive, one almost does not even notice them over time, like so many words going by. Odd. Mainly, I like the time before and after the meeting, and squirm like a bored kid in church during most of the meeting, unless I get to talk, than it seems more fun. I wish there was more talking, overall, as opposed the one big monologue at the beginning, and all those things read again and again and again.

So I've managed to still get something positive from it all, and still ponder starting a different type of social group for those wanting to get and stay sober, as I feel there is a great need for more alternatives.

I'm also looking into grad school, and possibly moving back to where I came from, Michigan, to go to a program there for a masters or a PsyD. in psychology...this job is going nowhere; good benefits, but a falling take home wage, as each year, the salary is stagnate, and the deductions go up. (University library...state job...never any money....no cost of living or merit raises in 4 years, nada...I make less than when I started, 5 years ago). So I am considering taking a leap. This library assistant thing has no future, and I think even a masters in Library Science has little future, given the unstable funding to federal, state, university and municipal level libraries...it just keeps shrinking. Plus, I think library science is sort of boring, compared to psychology.

Well, this weekend will be two months sober...that's a long time, here, have not managed that since I tried quitting/cutting back 7 years or so ago.

Hope all are well,

H. Pup

Not feeling good the last two weeks. My limbs and fingers have been jerking. Great time to try to adjust to my new Andriod. Not! My depression isn't doing that hot. This to will pass.....

Please welcome this neophyte into the secular fold. I have particularly enjoyed pm contact with SoberJennie and AVRT. I also find that the level of discussion to be much more stimulating here than what I find in some of the other forums.

I am still learning about myself (age 54) and my past addiction has been the motivation to do so. I have learned that my 'locus of control' (please google for definition) explains so much about my personality, including why AA is anathema to me.

I have found my solution in AVRT and RR. REBT is also intriguing to me, and I am also reading John Kabat-Zinn and Eric Tolle, as well as Trimpey. This self discovery journey is an ideal project for the newly sober (23 days with no end in sight) me. Thanks to all for continued support and motivation.

shockozulu...I hope today was a better day....

Hi Shock, hope you're feeling better. Are these symptoms of depression/anxiety, or something else? Hope they get better, no matter what the cause.

Hi Freshstart, nice to see you here! (I'll answer your PM as soon as I find time). I think you'll find there are a lot of people who take more 'rational', 'scientific' or even 'intellectual' approaches to recovery...we may not be the most vocal majority, but we're here :)

Feeling a bit meh today.

I see my therapist tomorrow, and I am eager...in a way, I wish I could see a therapist say 2 or 3 times a week, the 50 minutes seems to go by so fast; I feel like I have to talk fast, to get everything in, as if a meter is running, like in a Taxi.

Well, Two whole months of not drinking as of Friday, I think...will have to check the calendar, here. Sometimes, I do think of how wine would be nice, as I once worked in the business, but then I say, no, no longer possible, here.

Welcome to Secular Connection freshstart57.

I'm still not doing well today. My depression is not getting much better and it appears to be related to a separate neurological disorder.

I am just hoping that my anti-D starts working soon. Its the one that worked when all else failed as a late teen.

Trying to get Mom's eulogy written in time for Saturday's Celebration of Life. The last thing I want to do is have to wing it at the last minute, especially with memory difficulties.

http://www.mazeguy.net/happy/wave.gif Welcome to the secular side of SR freshstart57.

I'm so the internal locus of control type. I like the self-discovery, empowerment and gathering in greater self-worth journey much better that being in the perpetual state of endless recovery.

______________________________

I hope your mood improves soon Shockozulu. Please do everything possible to make all the changes you can to heal. Healing thoughts going your way http://www.mazeguy.net/romantic/hug.gif.

Just popping in to say hi! Been working nights again, and have a trainee as well. Often when I am in this situation I fall asleep the second I'm back at my hotel, I can never seem to adjust to nights.

And today I can add the fun of waking up covered in hundreds of bedbugs bites. Oh my gosh I'm so uncomfortable!! Misery. There's only one other motel in town though, and it's booked. I've had enough though. Roaches, fleas, leaky plumbing, p!ss poor housekeeping, rude owner, and now bedbugs. I told my boss I'll be tent camping at the state park until a room is available.

But hey... another dope-free day! Hooray! Will check in later. Welcome freshstart! Shock I hope you're feeling better. And everyone else: how's it? :)

Welcome aboard FS57 :)

gneiss;

EEEEWWWWW!!!! YUUUUUUUUUUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you could campain with your boss to spring for something like this, Aluminum Pop Up Truck Campers 800-446-1003

I don't travel much, but I bet there has to be a way to find out if a room has bedbugs in about 30 seconds. I'll be Googling that before I stay in another motel room, for sure.

As far as getting bitten by bugs though, I understand that bedbugs are about as clean as they come, as they don't carry diseases we can catch.

I don't mind playing host body to bacteria (once read over half the cells in and on our bodies are not our own) but anything that crawl about on legs creeps me right out.

Ha! Thanks Murray. Indeed, bedbugs aren't known to transmit disease but I can personally tell you the itching is horrible. When we moved into the room there weren't any there; we found eggs and molted larvae hulls (or whatever they're called) on the "clean" sheets housekeeping put in our room, we just didn't realize what they were until we woke up with little bites.

Nice. My phone posted before I finished... So my edits of my babbling were lost. Go figure.

Here's what I meant to say:
Ha! Thanks Murray. Indeed, bedbugs aren't known to transmit disease but I can personally tell you the itching is horrible. When we moved into the room there weren't any there; they came in on "clean" sheets left for us by housekeeping. My poor trainee, on her first well. I'm glad she didn't have to call our boss and talk to the hotel owner (who acts like a 2-year-old who needs a nap, and is rude and talks down to women). I learned how to put oilfield guys in their place when they need it, and turns out it works on rude foreigners who own fleabag motels, too. ;)

Great weather, and not a hint of dope-wanting. Great day.

Holding up okay. The Celebration of Life went beautifully. Now I just need to get some issues with the trust figured out (they wrote the check to Mom's Trust, but there legally is no trust so it couldn't be cashed.). What a mess that is.

My anxiety has been through the roof, just not able to get out of bed without medication. Combining the neuro-condition with anxiety/depression in my genes and I'm proud that I can even stand up!

New to this forum, just looking around to find more secular recovery voices on forums and links to good research on alcoholism and recovery. When I first got sober I did a lot of reading in the field and that helped me to feel that there were many options for understanding what had happened to me and how I could strength the resolve to live differently.

Has anyone else here read Gabor Mate the Canadian therapist, thinker and writer on addiction?