I'm praying for you honey. Keep talking about your feelings. Do not let them stay bottled up.

thanx for letting me know that all of you care... it's just i feel so empty without her... and i didn't even make it in time to say good-bye... it's eatting away at my heart

megan,
how do i now say good-bye... i miss you already. i'm sorry i didn't make it in time. why did you ask for me before you died? it makes it hurt so much more knowing you needed me and i didn't make it. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
i should have never moved... maybe it wouldn't have happened. me not believing in god makes this difficult... where are you now?... you were a strong believer so i guess if there is a such place as heaven you're there. i hope so... maybe your life is better somehow. i love you sooooo much.
i went to your funeral today. i didn't even get to see you. "closed casket" i wanted to say good-bye. but most of all i'm selfish for wanting you here. i can't be strong without you. you were the crutch for my sadness... you kept me from cutting. i cant do this without you. i miss you. why can't you just come back?!?!?!
I know you can't... and i'm sorry even more that you can't.
i love you so much... and please if it's possible... well send me a sign letting me know you're ok...
I'll love and miss you forever and in my heart you will live.....
Cristin

Tonight I was sitting here alone like usual and the strangest thing that I saw, I saw a light in the dark almost like a falling star but it was more thank that I know, it was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. Now I donno if this is a sign but it sure brought some needed happiness my way, and I just thought that I would share it with a friend of mine.

Love Vic

vic....... i'm crying now.... this morning before the sun came up... well it was cloudy and drizzeling... i was sitting outside on the frount porch getting some air... well the craziest thing happened i saw like 3 shooting stars... right in frount of the clouds and lightning... i think that was my sign...

:vg Just want you to know my friend that I believe that there is some sort of mistical power out there and he is talking to both of us right now. CAN YOU FEEL IT (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Love Vic :wave:

I don't really believe in the whole "mystical power" thing but i do believe that there was a sign... i took a nap today and had a dream about my friend megan. she told me to stay strong and that everything would be ok. so today i went through a bunch of stuff that i still haven't unpacked and found lotz of things of our past together... it brought back so many memories that i had forgotten... i talked to her mom earlier too. she found letters and notes from when me and megan were in high school that she had kept... she's sending them too me. i think re-reading them will help.
god i miss her so much. and i really wish she was here...
i hope time will heal my pain.

Time will help my friend I do know that much and I am glad that you got the sign that you believe in

Sad, I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend. I am at a loss of words but I do know the loss of friends in death. You were blessed with a sign. Take care

i've gone so long w/out self-injury. last night i broke down... 35 cuts.... i think one might of needed stiches but hell what do i know i'm not a doctor... i just want to be left alone... my family doesn't understand that. i'm going insaine....

I understand that my friend I am sorry that you cut yourself I wish that you would have tried to get a hold of me first, I am sure that we would have a lot to talk about and a lot of things incommin. I hope that you do consider me a friend, cause I consider you one, and that is what friends are for is to help each other and to listen to each other. Please get ahold of me on ***** or msn messenger I will await that day.

Love Vic

DREAMER OF HELL
A dreamer of hell
The cast of spells
Falling in shadows deep
DArkening thoughts come to creep
Bloodshot eyes
Only to dispise
A heart of loneliness
A soul of emptiness
The voice of the calling
The tears are falling
From the dreamer of hell
That slowly fell
Into the dark
Of a lonely heart
Fell too deep
Will no longer sleep
A soul that yearns
Will forever burn
The only cost
A life forever lost

-------Cristin

Well that all described me to the tee, I will keep trying to do what I feel is right and hope that someday there will be light.

Love Vic

Cristin, I can still see the light of falling stars Megan sent you in my minds eye. Get a hold of a glimmer of that star light and hold on tight and believe. Cristin please keep those cuts clean and covered. If you think you have cut a deep enough wound that need stitches please see a medical specalist. "Stay strong everything will be alright."

The calling of A searching Heart
Lonely tears fall
Nights break us all
Down deep inside
The soul threatens to cry
Forever Falling
A heart that's calling
Searching for what's not there
Always left in dispair
The darkness fill
The heart it kills
A bottomless pit
With pieces that don't fit
A river of tears
A valley of fears
With no one there
To show they care
A doy filled with fright
Of the forever falling night
Slipping, falling
Searching, calling
A heart that will never sleep
And will forever silently weep

------------Cristin

gawd my nights are restless... i can't sleep. i have so much on my mind that wont escape. i'm so tired of being tired. heh go figure. i miss megan soo much. but hell my house is soooooo clean now. gives me something to do. i just keep telling myself to stay busy and you wont hurt. heh. doesn't work. gawd i want to cry. i wish i could.

I wish you a lot of sthrenght with the loss of your friend..

And all the other pains you are goin' through...LOVE FROM Stefanie hug

something i found that might help
 

i fill out these questions everytime i feel the need to cut. i have been doing it for a little while now and the more i fill them out the more in depth i get. i am progressing to know why i do it and how to stop.

1.Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
What has brought me to this point?
2.Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it?
How did I feel then?
3.What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
What else can I do that won't hurt me?
4.How do I feel right now?
5.How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
6.How will I feel after hurting myself?
How will I feel tomorrow morning?
7.Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
8.Do I need to hurt myself?

I came by to give you a big angel hug. ((((((SadLonelyTear)))))))

thanx for the hugs... means alot

Today I am taking your place I guess I feel all alone, I don't have to ask am I alone I know that I am...No matter what I try to do, I am alone...even in a room full of people I am alone,,,even on cyber here (even here at SR) I am alone...You know I wonder sometimes if it is truely worth it, yet I know where I will be if I go back out...So I sit in this town full of people, do they really care, I doubt it...Do the people in cyber really care? I don't know I would like to think so but I just feel so out of place...It took me awhile to even find this thread, it has not been posted on for a while so I hope that you are ok....A big hug to you my friend Maybe we are alone....

Love Vic :wave:

You're never alone never again.

Sending my prayers and hugs out to anyone who feels lonely tonight.
Remember that we care!

Love,
Cheryl

i'm sorry i haven't posted in awhile... i have been good tho. no self-injury in quite sometime now... i changed my messenger name on *****. if you would like my new one then send me a private message.
you aren't alone... there are many that care and many many more that would love to help in your time of need. ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
Please take care.

I am so glad that you stopped in to post! I was wondering how you were doing. You are in my thoughts!
Take care.

i'm feeling kinda low today. and what's funny is i have no idea why because yesterday so many ppl showed that they cared. I had to go to the emergecy room yesterday... was there ALL day. i was having terrible headaches and was getting really sick because of them. they did a ct scan to make sure i didn't have any tumors or what nots. thankfully i didn't. they ended up giving me some shot to ease the pain and some percocet. diagnosed me with bad migrains and gave me an RX of fiorinal... hopefully they work for the headaches...
neways... a lot of ppl were scared about me and did what they could for me... but yet today i just feel so sad... wierd... i'm having lotz of thoughts of si. i can't help it. what scares me the most is that i want to cut my wrists... i don't want to die just want to cut there. but i know that there's a chance that if i do then i could die. geeze i hate being alone. my bf's at work and i have no phone to call anyone to be like "hey you want to come over just to keep me company". i just feel that i'm becoming a burden to everyone... mainly my bf. he had to leave work yesterday for me. and gawd knows we need the money right now. i felt so bad even tho he said it was ok.
i'm just beggining to feel that my problems are too much. and i lean on ppl way too much. maybe i'm demanding too much. i don't understand why i feel so empty. gawd i just wish someone was here.at least then i'd have to pretend i was ok for a little while.

good-bye
 

good-bye to anyone that is taking the time to read this. i am now leaving SR.
i have gotten a little better and found a "T" but i'm also moving on to other boards where there are more similar to me. i feel outta place here but you guys have been supportive and helped alot. thanx for that. i hope you all take care.
:jester:Baby Steps. No Leaping. That's How We Fall. :jester:

Being an addict I get caught up in "words" sometimes I didnt like word "God" and "Religion". Although I have a higher power in my life today I dont see it as "God" or "Religion".

These words are just an idea of what someone is talking about, you could ask many people what the word God means and you will get different answers, so who is right? The program talks about a higher power, so you can decide what this higher power is and what it means to you. Its about being humble, accepting some humility into your life, knowing you cant do it yourself.

When the subjects come up in any conversation its real touchy because everyone has a different idea of it. While it is hard to explain once you give it a legitimate try and start living that way its hard to think you wouldnt have tried this sooner. This really is the easier softer way.

Right now you dont have to put a face on God or Religion, just believe that there is something out there that can help you. GOD "Group of drunks"

Dont get caught in symantecs

Give yourself a break. Like the cutting being an action your recovery to also has to be an action. You are not alone, let someone help.

Good luck and welcome