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Hey Sad.... I'm sorry that your boyfriend doesn't relate... the people I initially tried to go to for validation and help only ended up making me feel worse cause they pretty much just kept telling me to "get over it",.... And then I found the program and a whole whack of people that did understand... not about all my issues maybe... but.. with a little searching... I could always find someone that was either experiencing exactly what I was... or had worked through something similar already and were only to willing to share their experience strength and hope with me to take or leave as I saw fit... if i have deep depression that i can't seem to focus on then how do i grasp it to make it better. Step one... I am powerless over cutting myself... and my life has become unmanageable... |
well it is now the end of my day... i made it with only 2 cuts on my arm... (that is far less than usual) so i feel happy. unfortuantly i'm REALLY tired because i kept myself busy cleaning house, doing laundry, and doing yard work. it helped for awhile... i mean i still had the thoughts while doing these things but i kept telling myself if i don't get them done now i'll never do them. so i finished them all without a single cut. the only prob. is I can't keep myself busy constently or i'll never have any "me" time and I'll over do it or something. I do feel powerless. actually i have my whole life. but i realized i've hit bottom... there's nowhere to go but up |
there's nowhere to go but up and I've found it extremely helpful to limit my upward climb to 24 hour considerations... Just for today... I will refrain from.... Just this one day... Praying for our greatest good today Sad.... because I have my struggles as well |
i had a downfall... a normal day but 15 cuts... i don't know why... i just felt the need... |
Hey Sad... glad ya came back... 15 cuts eh... and that's a normal day... Sooo.. are you okay with that.. ;o) |
i'm just glad it wasn't more... |
that's cool.. I can relate... |
Sad, lonely- Please do'n't give up on God. Jesus didn't and look at the pain he went through. WAY more than us can ever bear or imagine. We are not exempt from pain and in no way has God promised us that. He did promise however, that we will send the Holy Spirit to help us through pain, trials, temptations. Testimonies are people that has been through test and testify on how they came out of it with Jesus help with their belief. GEt that book the purpose driven life. I promise it will help you see clear on why God's people go through pain. But He promised to never leave us. You left him and gave up. Dont let Satan defeat you. Satan is trying to kill you. Don't let him. Go back to God. If you need for me to send you that book and you promise to read it. Private message me and I will send it to your address. Please come back to God. Much love to you and blessings. God is still in control. |
Sad, I suggest you check out the Spirituality in Recovery forum. You will discover that there are many kinds of faiths and even yikes, like me an agnostic. I don't have to know who or what higher power is, I don't have any concerns about a hereafter. I am only interested in living this life well. I study many faiths, ethics etc. I figure this life is a big enough assignment. From all, I take what is helpful and meaningful to me and leave the rest. And I do consider myself a very spiritual person. In all the world's major religions, the basic principles are mainly the same. I like the Dalai Lama alot. He is very compassionate, wise and non-denominational. But I don't believe in reincarnation. I find alot of virtue in Christianity, but feel no need to convert. There is wisdom and truth in many places. hugs, live |
Confucius say...man who trim nails too closely cuts to the quick. He probably didn't say that, but I find there's a lot of truth in Confucius' age-old sayings. Plus, the humorous ones are just a total riot. I'm not posting any of those links. hehehe. Easily found thru g00gle. ;) |
i believe that i am here now living my life and as long as i still feel the urge to live then i'm ok .. there's no reason y i should change anything about my beliefs as long as i'm willing to live |
some one sent me a letter and i really don't know at what point when i was reading that my mind opened but it did and that's all that matters... i always cut no matter what the occasion. happy, sad, afraid, excited..... while reading i realized what each occasion did have in common. "alone".... i can be in a room filled with ppl yet i'm alone. i'm always lost in my head where ppl cant get me. i've bulit walls upon walls to keep ppl out so i wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore. "lightbulb" it didn't work. i ended up a scared, cold, lonely child that was stuck in the dark but was too afraid to come out. i'm still scared. and it will take time. but times the only thing i've ever had so all hope is not lost. i will make it. i will find my way out of this hole. i will grow into the buetiful young woman that so many see everyday. and one day i will look in the mirror and see her too. |
i will grow into the buetiful young woman that so many see everyday. and one day i will look in the mirror and see her too. So good to see you coming back and chipping away at your cutting issue... as i still feel the urge to live then i'm ok .. as long as I still want to live... then I'm invested in making my life as good as possible... for me.... We all get to define what is "fine" for ourselves.... I also feel a lonliness that eats at me... I just wanted to tell you that I share a issue that is similar to cutting... I pull my hair out.. lol.. and not in frustrated handfulls like all the comics portray.... Nope... I pull them out one by one... I go into an almost trance... and sometimes.. when I come too.. there is hair all over the floor... I don't do it so much anymore... because the bald spots that develope are enough of a deterrant that I can stop myself now.... But... at it's worst... it took my oldest sister to take it apon herself to start tapping, slapping, calling, nagging... everytime she saw me start running my fingers through my hair... she'd start talking to me... so.. eventually.. as much as I fought her... her love and her determination that I wouldn't cause myself any more pain and grief by being partially bald as a young teen/adult... well.. it was probably the one thing that saved me over all.... and I will always be especially grateful to my sister Denise... She loved me even when I was unlovable... Anyway... Your words touched me... and I just wanted to let you know that... Praying for you Sad... |
it really helps me to know that what i say can also help others. i do believe that one day we will all be better somehow. and i still have hope day by day that i will get better that day. i'm glad you have somebody that loves you no matter what. i think we all have someone like that but don't realize it at the time. i hope i'm right and i hope there is someone out there that will continue to love me no matter what. I bet that person will be my little brother. he's only 8 so he's still pure |
I bet that person will be my little brother. he's only 8 so he's still pure love ... just for the sake of loving... Blessings on that pure, sweet 8 year old boy.. |
I can truly say i do love my brother. he's one of the few that i can say that about... all my life love ends in pain so i hold back. alone... one day i will be strong... unfortunatly not today... but the more i love my little brother the more joy i do feel... him and my daughter are the only ppl in my life that haven't hurt me because of my love for them... i wrote a poem today... it's been awhile since i've done that so i wanted to share it with you all. TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY Is it possible to be happy yet alone The only love you have is you own When your strengths and weaknesses are the same Your smiles turn to tears and bring you pain Is it better to love and have lost than never love at all When your heart is broken and has no strength to fall Smiles take energy and the happiness never came Tomorrow's another day that will always be the same I'm pretty,I'm smart, I'm happy being me But when he notices these things in a hurry i will leave Because alone I can't get hurt and my heart will not cry Alone I will sit here, I will have happiness inside I'll pretend I don't feel for you so you don't feel for me So the feelings we both share we will never see Cuz alone no one can hurt you and yet you feel the pain So Tomorrows another day that will always be the same |
Wow.... You spoke my angst... Beautiful ... sad.. yet,... hopeful words... I know that fear... about putting myself out there as well.. where I'm vulnerable.. and maybe not strong enough to not get pulled up by the roots and tossed aside.. like a weed.. yes.. very beautiful poem.. thank you for sharing it with us.. |
i really enjoy reading your comments... not only do they help but they sound so beautiful and well put. you really do have a way with words and i look forward everyday to reading them. plz keep in touch to let me know how ur doing and until my misery is solved i will continue to post my thoughts and problems. thank you for you kindness and time |
plz keep in touch to let me know how ur doing and until my misery is solved i will continue to post my thoughts and problems. Thank you so much for your kind words... I so look forward to more of your poems.. and thoughts... and you bet.. I'll keep in touch.. my sickness loves it when I isolate... that's why I come to SR so much... so many people here speak my language.. with love yet... ;o) pretty hard to stay in my isolation with that at my fingertips.. I'll talk to you soon Sad... ;o) |
well today was a good day... NO CUTS! i brought my lil. bro down for a couple of days to spend w/ me so that'll be good for my soul. i really don't have much to talk about and i haven't wrote nepoems as of yet but i will soon. hope your day was a good one. |
well my computer has been down for a couple of weeks.... i've gone through stages of being sick and tired... and well just sick and tired of being sick and tired... lol.... well i wrote something and thought about sharing it... don't have a title tho. A Painfilled heart Ripping and tearing apart forgotten tears of so many years lost, afraid Alone, betrayed the pain fills my heart it kills tears fall death calls upon my heart with no new start it's not the best ending but i left it at that. well everyone have a great day... i'll be thinking of all of you |
i've been thinking alot lately and all my thoughts end the same... i've become depressed... deeply troubled on how much i seem to hate myself these days.... i just wish it would all end... that i would come to an end |
I can certainly relate to you, and being completely alone, I wish that things would be different, but I truely believe that as for me I am meant to be alone. I just don't see things in this world changing, nor do I think that it will be too much different if there is another world. I know that certain days I am ok, but most of the time, I too am alone, even in a room full of people I am alone, a prisoner of my own mind. I don't know what all you have gone through cause for some reason I just now noticed this thread, but I will try to keep in touch if I do decide to stay here at SR, it is not likely but I will know in the morning. I hope all the best for you and hope that you will find someone or something that makes you feel apart of. Love Vic:wave: |
lucky.... i am a prisoner in my mind also... i can't seem to escape and i can't quite figure out what is keeping me there... i have so much in life to live for yet can't seem to escape my mind itself to enjoy it... what may i ask keeps you in your mind... what are you afraid of? |
what may i ask keeps you in your mind... what are you afraid of? |
i feel that way too... quite often... frankly millions of us feel like that at one point or another... for me comming here helps.... i can talk to complete strangers and not have the uncomfortable situations that u'd have face to face... if you don't mind me asking why is it that you want to die |
LMMFAO OMG why do you ask me these things, I have a wall up LOL, if I keep answering these question you might get to know me. I am not sure I need to answer that question here at SR but If you want to email me and ask maybe I will answer more of your question ok. Oh BTW I read another post of yours and you talked about looking in the mirror and you saw what men liked LOL, I do have an idea of what you were refering to but I would like you to know that a few of us men look at what is on the inside (the heart) rather than the body. Love Vic |
sat. night my bestfriend passed away after being hit by a semi... i didn't even make it to say good-bye... i miss her sooo much... how can i be strong without the crutch that kept me steady? |
You can get through it with out cutting believe me I am here for you I am I do have ***** and messenger msn so please talk to me instead of cutting, I just had to give up my dog Lucky remember. I know that I can do it and I have faith in you. Please talk to me DON'T CUT PLEASE Love Vic |
Sad... I'm so sorry... terrible loss... but.. I'm glad you came to share it with us... like Vic says... come and let it out here... don't cut.. Praying for you gurl... |
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