I came close, but lost the battle. The worst has happened.
 

I tried and tried to put away the alcohol, I came close and did well a few times. Recently I was doing pretty well, but went on a two day binge.
The worst of the worst happened, I hit someone and have been charged with Felony DUI with severe bodily harm.

A third degree felony and I am looking at a minimum four years in prison and total financial collapse. Three years of suspended license after I am released from prison. Lawyers fees, court costs, fines and civil lawsuits are going to take everything I have. I will be homeless and probably end up back in prison.

I am (was) a professional, this isn't me. I can't believe this has happend. I am still in total shock. The arrest warrant should be out soon.

I have never felt such total and complete despair.

What about the person you hit, what condition are they in.

I have been trying to find out. I can't find any information on their condition. That is the worst part about all of this. I have begged God again and again for help and strength and guidance. I have been doing this for years. If this is a sign from God, why did an innocent person have to get hurt. I am still trying to cope with all of this.
I don't know their condition, but I had a larger vehicle and I have two cracked bones in my neck and some pretty severe bruising and soreness. If they are any where near what I have, or worse, I will be in prison even longer.

Welcome back, and I'm sorry that this happened to you. Hopefully the person you hit will be okay? I think you will be able to deal with the situation in the best way if you are sober. Do you have a lawyer to help you through the process?

Horrible. I hope everyone involved is ok.

I will never touch alcohol again, but why did it have to come to this? I entered an outpatient substance abuse program just down the road from my house. Never saw it before, even though I have searched again and again for something just like that. It would have been perfect for me. Why couldn't I find it before this? Why suddenly after this, did God put it right in front of my eyes? I would have gladly entered this program, I wanted help, I was trying...
I have never felt such panic. I am going to lose everything I own. At this point the program doesn't matter much because prison is going to keep me from alcohol.

I'm not sure if you've tried AA, but that's always an option that's available everywhere.

Welcome back rich. Very sorry to hear this, it's a sad situation for everyone involved and I wish for healing for you all from your injuries.

You will obviously need legal help, and I'm glad you are seeking help through prayer for yourself and everyone else affected.

I think the real question you need to ask yourself though is if you are now ready to take responsibility for your drinking.

I offer prayers and support and encourage you to keep posting. Obviously booze would only make this stuff worse. The damage can stop now. Perhaps go to meetings- lots. Apart from the practical support- it will look good to the authorities if you are taking proactive steps to remain sober.

I have tried it several times and it wasn't working for me. All of the freedom I knew is gone.

Scott, I have always taken responsibility from my drinking, I wasn't in denial, I knew I had a problem.

I knew these things and still took huge risks by driving. I don't know why I did it, and now the life I have known is gone forever.

I don't know what to say, I am still in shock.

You know what I’d do if I were you?

I’d stop asking why and start deciding what next.

What happened is terrible. Now you can begin to do the next right thing and start making your long amends by embracing sobriety, owning your situation, paying your price and rebuilding your life..... and maybe one day in some way making amends to the person you’ve hurt.

Why why why.....

Because you’re an alcoholic.

There is your why.

The future still lies ahead for you and your life isn’t over.

In fact, if you choose it, this is just the beginning.

I understand you are in a very stressful situation right now Rich. What you need to remember is that this didn't just "happen" to you. And what has transpired is not something you can change. As you say, one of the worst things that could possibly happen has happened - but you are still here.

What worked or didn't work in the past is kind of irrelevant now - you need to seek help from wherever you can to get alcohol out of your life. And you have to want it to be out of your life forever - all of your problems are because of your choice to keep drinking. Making the choice to maintain absolute sobriety is the only thing you should really be focusing on at this point.

FreeOwl, you are right, but I am in shock. This just happened, I am still trying to grasp what all is happening and I am afraid.
The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt someone, but alcohol dulled my decision making. It is all my fault.

How about saying this:

I will never drink alcohol again, and I will do anything in my power to make sure that i don't.

That would be a great start.

Scott, if this doesn't wake me up, then nothing will. I just wish an innocent person or persons didn't have to get hurt for me to get this message.

Failure is a bruise - not a tattoo - well done for posting - you have it in you to recover and you'll do it ;)

Unfortunately a lot of bad things happen when we drink that we wish didn't happen. But they did happen. Your ability to deal with the consequences is going to be directly related to your ability to accept your addiction and do something about it. You have been sober before and know that it's possible - so getting back there is possible too.

It might be a new beginning, but I am 59 years old, and was doing ok for retirement.
No more, I am going to be wiped out, and probably lose my home.
I will never get another job in IT as long as I live.
This will destroy my Social Security, because I will be making 0.00 for the four years.

And please remember the person you injured whose life may be changed too. Focus on sobriety and you will be okay.

When did the accident actually happen?

Are you in the hospital?

How do you not know about what happened to the person you hit with your car?

Legal advice is what you need at much as anything.

Rich,

Prayers.

Imo..you have the right mindset. Move forward. 4 or 5 years is not as long as it could have been.

My addiction is from years of alcohol abuse as a youngster until I was 50. The crave is for life. We addicts have brain damage that makes us want to get high.

It is ridiculous really. Why would I want to escape reality. We only have a short time on this planet, why not be present for as much of it as I can.

Your story has helped me strengthen my stance to never ever drink again.

You have been asked but never answered...Do you have an attorney? If not, get one now! They can find information on the person you hit and how they are doing. I know you are in shock and I know you are scared, but this didn't just happen to you, it happened to someone else who could very well lose just as much as you fear you will.

Get an attorney and get to an AA meeting and keep going. You cannot change what happened, but the most important thing is to start taking the right steps from here on out.

I was in the hospital overnight. I don't really know what happened to the other people but I asked the police if anyone else got hurt and they said "yes".

I am guessing they were hurt worse than me because I was in a truck and they were in a smaller sedan. My truck looks totaled and it was head on. I am speculating their injuries are worse than mine, and mine would be considered "severe bodily injury" in a DUI.

I retained an attorney today and I am already having second thoughts. He gave me a price for the first half of the process, the arraignment, but wouldn't tell me how much after that. My guess is leaving it open ended was bad for me.

I am going to press him on it tomorrow .

I would not ask the police anything else.

So sorry to hear about this tragedy that you and others are going through, alcohol will take all that you have, and come back for more of you. But, you will get through this...

If it were me, I would check into a 30 day treatment center immediately. They can help you get a handle on your emotions, and you will be surrounded by others who are also struggling.

This will be good for you in many ways, including showing the courts that you know you have a problem, and are taking immediate steps to get help. I would seek help now.

Sending you healing thoughts...WF

What makes me so mad about this is if I had found the outpatient addiction place, just right down the road from my house, I could have made the two months. I could have done it and it would have given me a good start.
I guess none of that matters now. All of my plans are gone. I was going to retire a little early. I suppose I could move to San Francisco, they treat the homeless pretty well there.

Wildflower, I have entered an outpatient facility that will allow me to still work. Three nights a week with testing and therapy. Not as good as full time, but it is better than nothing.

Maybe worrying about what happens "after the punishment" is a little non-productive now?

Think of what steps you can do now to improve the current situation...

Does your work know? Family?

BTW..San Francisco is plum full of homeless...you don't want to be there.

In my 2 DUI's, my attorney charged a specific amount for the preliminary stuff also, it's left open ended because they don't know if you will take a plea bargain or go to trial.

I know this is hard...so hard...but treatment will improve your current scenario...

F that. That sounds like the disease of alcoholism trying to take you down.

Selfish, woe-is-me thinking mired me in the muck. 12 step meetings and weekend get-aways is where I heard amazing, wonderful stories of losing more than could be imagined to come back stronger and healthier in all ways, including financially.

God/Higher Power kind of healing and recovery. Hang in there. Furure tripping won't help. Take this one day at a time.

Seriously, checking out AA again could be a good thing, in addition to the treatment program. Praying for God's guidance, asking for eyes to see, ears to hear and a sponsor to help me made a big difference in my life. Take what you like and leave the rest. :D

Prayers of healing, strength and recovery for you and whoever was injured.

I'm glad that you came here to post your story, not only for the help you'll get here, but for those who'll read it.

Terrifying as it sounds, the best thing that I can think of is, stay where you are, stick with the outpatient treatment you've started, don't drink, and live with all the consequences of your actions. I don't judge you, because drunk driving is something many of us have done, but you have to pay.

I'm sorry about these troubles, for you and the victims. :hug:

While this is very overwhelming and scary, and will wipe me out, I have been thinking because of my age, background and relatively clean record, I would most likely be a minimum security prisoner (hoping and praying), which would allow me to work, and possibly even teach.
I could teach IT and networking. I have seen some prisons with an IT curriculum, but it would depend on where I get sent.