Do you feel you need to change many things in your life to stay sober?
 

I'm starting to feel as though I need to make enormous changes in my lifestyle in order to remain sober. I feel like life patterns, associations, and mental state, etc., all need to change drastically in order for sobriety to be of priority. My main goal is to be healthy, so I still do my kale smoothies, eat relatively well, and work a physical job. I definitely need to exercise more in place of drinking in the evenings.

One of the most difficult parts of quitting for me at the moment is that I'm able to drink 3-6 light beers a day everyday without hangovers, but I ultimately want to stop altogether. I just function better, and don't feel trapped when sober. I started drinking less to ween, but it 'feels' less of a priority subconsciously because I'm not hungover in the mornings.

That middle paragraph is just to show where I stand at the moment, but did you prepare, plan, and have everything ready before embarking on a serious stint of sobriety? Did you force yourself to exercise incessantly to where alcohol just became a hindrance to your workout and health goals?

People change slowly, but it seems the transition from alcoholic to sober-person is an abrupt change that requires a lot of work in terms of self-change in order to succeed. I know everyone is different, but I'd love to know some of the mental work and physical work you all have put in to maintain your sobriety.

Thanks in advance. This is the most difficult endeavor I've ever faced.

You're not going exercise or kale-smoothie your way to sobriety. You've been on SR long enough to know what recovery entails.

It's time to do it.

Things I needed to change:

1) Some of the people I hung out with
2) My thinking, including listening to the lies I told myself about drinking
3) My reactions to other people and life in general


The most important things I had to change were internal things, not external things. Exercise and eating well are both great things to do in recovery but don't keep one sober.

Well, the FIRSTstep for me was stopping drinking! And accepting that it was going to feel rubbish for a bit.

Then I started working on my recovery - for me through AA - the 12-step program with a sponsor. She taught me what I should do on a daily basis and guided me through.

To me self-care is a seperate issue. It's just part of doing what I should have been doing anyway. It is not part of my recovery program.

I'm sure you've seen Dee's threads but just in case... https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...y-plans-2.html

You know - if you're waiting for the perfect day, or the perfect combo of vitamins and workouts that will make stopping easy and comfortable you're in for a bloomin' long wait. That day won't come. It will be uncomfortable, but it is doable - there are enough of us here that are testimony to that, and dozens more in your local AA meetings no doubt. We just need to be willing to push past those tough weeks and do the recovery work (by which I don't mean physical exercise) so that you gradually build up sober muscles / sobriety tools that mean it starts to get easier. Just like there is no way to learn to ride a bike that can guarentee you never get a painful bump or bruise, there is no simple or easy way to do this.

Do you want it or not? I presume the answer is 'Yes' as you're still here asking questions and thinking about it. But do you want it enough to push through the mental and emotional discomfort and put yourself out to do stuff you might not want to do (kale smoothies and exercise regimes aside)?

I wish you all the best and hope that you decide to go all out for sobriety and serenity through working on your recovery. But us lot wishing it for you won't make it so. You're the one who has to want it.

BB

I over-analyze and subconsciously find excuses to drink when I'm not in a bad place. I know I'm not a 'normie', and I don't want to be, but my AV tells me I want to be. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say... Probably trying to make the process easier than it is. I'm caring about my life and future more than ever at the moment, so...

Maybe it's like a Nike commercial for me at this point.

We all have AV's like that. We need to stop doing what they say. We can't shut them up, but we can ignore them (I used to think of mine as being a hyper-demanding toddler). The longer the time between the last drink and the present time, the quieter they get.

Yep - like Nike says - Just Do It.

BB

Do you feel you need to change many things in your life to stay sober?

only ONE thing:
me and my attitudes.
which diet, exercise and all that werent gonna do that.

on this:
One of the most difficult parts of quitting for me at the moment is that I'm able to drink 3-6 light beers a day everyday without hangovers..."

imo thats a lie and just rationalizinf drinking. the most difficult part is making the decision you want to be sober more than ya want to drink.

and dont forget, alcoholism IS progressive. you WILL sink deeper and experience gloom,dispair, and agony like you could not imagine IF you dont stop drinking.

I was sober for 4 years and a few months then went back to drinking hard for about 5 months before I quit, again. In those 4 years I didn't do anything different except stop drinking, which was a good thing only it wasn't enough to stay sober. Now I am making a lot of behavioral changes and I feel more confident and better than ever in my sobriety. I hope you are able to take the first step and stop drinking. The choice is yours and that is very powerful.

Pretty much everything changed for me- by default, but my case is extreme.
Yes everything changed- with time and work- using CBT and WANTING to change. So not just NOT drinking, but no sugar in coffee, no added salt in cooking, more water/less coffee.. a few steps each day.

In order for me to stay sober I have had to change pretty much everything. People, places, movie and tv shows, what I listen to.
I also work at my recovery every day. I make meetings even when I don't want to go, I exercise, eat sweets if I get a craving, call my sponsor and other sober friends.
You can do this!!

Yes, I've tried to quit drinking hundreds of times without changing anything else and I always went back. Recovery is about making those changes necessary to ensure your success. It's no guarantee of course.

Also though, getting through the early days is just about getting through each day (one day at a time) without drinking. You can each day take small steps to implement your plan and make the necessary changes. Go to a meeting, talk to a counselor, read a self-help/recovery book, take a walk, post/read SR are all things you can do early on to keep yourself from picking up the first drink. As time passes you can plan and implement larger changes.

That being said, some alcoholics need abrupt change, including things like in-patient rehab. But it sounds like you're not there yet. But like said, it is progressive.

I'm only 20 days sober, so I need to put my money where my mouth is I guess.

No preparation to speak of. Quitting for me was kind of like washing up on a deserted island. In the beginning, I had no infrastructure, no point of reference, no idea what to do. Luckily I was reading here on SR, so I figured it out pretty quickly, and each day I added a little more to my sober routine.

Also, I've found any fitness goal you have is eminently more achievable if you quit entirely.

The only thing left to do is to do it :)

For me, it was inpatient detox and rehab, where I surrendered to the idea that I could not drink again, ever. That first step was the biggest. You're probably not there (yet), and may never be.

Using hangovers and feeling like a slime mold after drinking did not work for me. At all. I did that for years. Rinse, lather, repeat. I'm sure all of those detoxes has done a number on my body.

I worked rehab, and came out with a good initial sobriety plan. I'm in cognitive group IOP now, for another 2 weeks. This has proven to be life-changing. I feel so much stronger, and will come up with a continued sobriety plan.

I was put into rehab by a psychiatrist (well, STRONGLY suggested). As soon as I got out, I had an appointment to restart medications that I'd stop taking, and I really needed. Rehab involved a ton of AA meetings, and I started going on my own about a month after rehab ended, I had to get through some pretty serious depression first.

That's what worked for me. My question to you is...do you REALLY want to stop? First step is admitting you're an addict, second is surrendering the idea that you can drink normally. Third is getting some kind of help to get and remain sober.

Are you drinking closer to 3 or 6 beers a day? Honestly? (we all tend to underestimate). How much have you drunk in the past, and for how long? Is that enough to admit you're an alcoholic? My guess, since you're here and asking advice on how to stop drinking daily, or at all, that the answer is yes.

Yeah. I used to drink a lot more. I averaged 12-15 units a day, and started at age 8, after being forced to drink by my grandma. Then my parents always had a 12 pack in the fridge for me from age 14. We drank a lot together. I was their drinking buddy. They both worked at bars, so they were always gone at night, and I had HS parties everyday.

FAST forward to age 40. I had some good times partying, but destroyed friendships and relationships due to my addiction. I think I'm mainly cutting back because my body is telling me to; almost as though it can't handle more than what I'm giving it.

I've put together days here, weeks there, and a couple months when I'm motivated... half a year when I first came here. Now each relapse and each plan seems to have a new AV for every new situation. It's ever morphing. I feel like it has me on a leash. I need to learn how to say NO. I've always said "yes" to everything because I was lonely and was always seeking attention. I need to learn how to think before I make these choices.

AA doesn't work for me and I get triggered by it. Once I can white knuckle through the first 3 months or so, I should be good with the plans I have in place. I'm having a rough time getting there at the moment.

Frustrating.

Day 1 (again)

My old life was completely treated to drinking so yeah I had to change almost everything.

I think you've got it the wrong way about quite honestly.

As Carl said in his inimitable style this is gonna take more than kale smoothees and a few workouts at the gym - those are things you can do because you're in recovery but those things alone will not get you there.

You need a better, more robust, flexible and labour intensive plan than the one you have - and you need to start it today not in 3 months time.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html

White knuckling will tire you out - and tired people make bad errors of judgement.

D

So your plan so far is...

Whiteknuckle the first 3 months
Then?? (Kale smoothies and exercise?)

If so, rather you than me. Has that actually worked so far? That saying 'nothing changes if nothing changes' is used a lot because it's so true. In fact, some people go as far as to say that one definitition of insanity is 'repeating the same thing over and over and expecting something different to happen'. I suppose it depends if at the heart of things you really do expect something different to happen, or if deep down you atually don't really want anything different other than getting rid of the consequences of drinking.
Did you actually look at the links on that thread of Dee's about making a plan? Any plan should be an action plan for how to get through the current day. We can worry about the plan for in three months time in just under three months.

Do you REALLY want to get sober? Like, want it enough to do things differently if that's what it takes? (You don't need to tell any of us the answer to that if you don't want to).

BB

I had to change pretty much everything in my life. My attitudes, I had to start taking care of myself, taking responsibility. Cut out some people, places and things. Raise my standards I expected of myself. Alter my appearance.

Basically grow up.

I had to change my life completely and fully.

My 10 year relationship to another addict, loosing 30 kilos of fat, diet exercise, CBT Therapy mediation and yoga. Plus a lot more subtle changes that have helped me stay sober nearly 1 year.

So yes the answer to your question everything has to change.

I only have 5 days, so my advice might be abit offtrack so anyone correct me if Iam wrong for my own feedback aswell.

Now there's a difference between what I learnt and what I implemented.

I've learnt that you can't just make a choice and expect sobriety. You literally have to do work work work.

And the problem is that everyday is unexpected, and then comes a month (longest I've been) and you suddenly get this dread that "I've worked this hard all month, and there's another month ahead?"

I suppose Ive learnt that my failure to quit attributed to all my failures. I've always started something, And then got sick of it and stopped it before achieving my goals. The goal always fades away for me over time, that's what I have to work on.

To answer your question, the external change is simple( say no, Change routine, do a hobby) the hard part is the psychology behind it.

Ironically, I started alcoholism, but I can't quit(judging from previous attempts)

A plan can really help with those unexpected events life throws at us

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html

you can't predict everything... but you can have a plan for when events or emotions surprise you.

I think too that you have to think of recovery as a lifestyle change - not like a temporary diet, but a real lifestyle change.

You need to focus on the longer term rather than the immediate gratification we got so used to as alcoholics and addicts.

It may take a little while - maybe longer that you expect at the outset - for the real benefits of recovery to become apparent...

but trust me, and everyone else here - they will happen - you just need to have faith that all will be well :)

I gave 20 years to drinking - it took only a fraction of that time to get me sober healthy and happy again :)

D