Embarrassed to say...
 

Embarrassed to say...that sobriety Is not going good for me. And embarrassed to always be checking in here with not more than a week of progress every time.

But my topic is about anxiety and withdrawals. In the month my drinking has been very out of sync. as opposed to my bottle of wine a night and binge on Fri and Sat It's been 1 week off- 3 day binge, 1 week off- 3 day binge, 4 days off - 8 day binge with the last day ending with 5 litres of beer after a bottle of cognac. To be honest the bottle of detergent started to look appealing once the booze ran out.

Atm iam on day 3 after all that and it's the 3rd night in the row iam getting anxiety panic attacks in the middle of the night. I wake up thinking about extreme Doom to my life, and with heavy breathing. Is this normal? In general i think I battle social anxiety subconsciously, because every time i used to come into work, or a public gsthering (iam not working anymore atm) I would battle small hyperventilation attacks without even noticing, and I would ramble quick sentences for 5 or 10 seconds, followed by a look of puzzlement from the person I was talking too.

Ive startrd to notice that hyperventilation has gotten stronger even though my social skills have gotten better. (Wtf, right?)

And yet now , even in my sober days, these hyperventilation attacks have become stronger. Iam thinking it's because of my sudden change of alcohol intake.

in my weeks of sobriety I seem to have insomnia.

I dunno, but anyway in general iam holding myself together but just harbouring all these problems and need some advice.

Iam thinking of applying for anti alcohol medication just so I can at least get to a good month of sobriety, because my attempts seem futile.

Thanks SR

A certain amount of anxiety is normal - even quit high levels - for a while - but if it's really debilitating, have you considered seeing someone (Dr counsellor) about it, madruski?

The thing is, as I'm sure you know, pouring alcohol on the problem is like pouring gasoline on a fire...

I ended up with not only the pre existing anxiety, but also anxiety bought on by my dependence on alcohol, and anxiety via my shame and guilt when I 'failed' at staying sober.

D

I am far from an expert on sobriety but casting my mind back to the beginning of 2015 when I did manage a length of time sober I can remember that in some ways the couple of weeks after stopping were a little rough as I was having things like anxiety but without the alcohol to 'hide behind'.

BUT a month or so down the road things had improved and I was finding that in my sobriety I was thinking clear enough to face the things I was getting anxious about.

In many ways it's a look at the big picture scenario. Yesterday, today, tomorrow may be difficult/worrying. But 12th October 2016 things will be easier to cope with.

That may sound a way in the future but 12 August wasn't that long ago - same period of time but just in the other direction.

Sorry I can't be more help.

Applying for some medication might be just what you need to stretch out your sobriety time.
If you can make it three days, hang in there and go for four, then five, then keep stringing those days together.
Have you considered AA or another support program to help? A lot of people have gotten sober that way.

On day 3 it's easy to say sobriety isnt going well I was a bag of nerves full of fear etc when your sick & tired of being sick & tired youl get a lot more serious I'm not bashing but I done the exact same thing before I got sober so I relate but boy staying sober has changed my life & continues to do so give yourself a chance & stay sober to see how good it feels

If in doubt were always here

Well put it this way, I have gotten used to starting again over and over , like I said I have had more sober time this month combined then I have had all year. What iam saying is that I have learned to start being sober. But when it comes to controling the urge to binge after a week's worth of not drinking, that's the challenging part at the moment. Hence why I asking about medication.

Yeah that's where I've been letting myself down. I'd do 5 days off then feel great and go on a bender. Sucks.
Now i've decided I just need to abstain. To me it's not worth it, I don't wanna lose my wife and kids, or die young.

Madruski, have you decided for sure that you want to get and STAY sober from here on out?

It takes a strong foundation to build a skyscraper and that's what your attempts at quitting represent, a foundation to a strong sobriety. Not too many of us here quit drinking successfully the first time out. It took me multiple relapses but with every relapse I learned a lesson that taught me what not to do on my next attempt. Don't get discouraged and keep building that foundation no matter how many times it takes to build that skyscraper. Sobriety, regardless how difficult it is to achieve is the ultimate reward.

I think the bottom line for everyone is we need to want to quit for good, and we all need to be prepared to 'do the hard yards' for a while....

Some medication may make it harder for you to drink, but without the continued desire to quit for good it's pretty easy to just stop the medication....

Staying sober is hard - it's not a one choice and done deal, as you'd know....it takes sustained effort.

Do you have much support outside of SR?
Have you thought about a recovery plan at all?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

It is a vicious cycle that I battle with myself as I do have horrible anxiety, depression, and social anxiety. It is very rough as being sober can be just as bad as being in withdraw, so the cycle just keeps going over and over.
Seeking therapy will help. I was able to keep my drinking down once I started getting treatment, I slipped on going for a while and my drinking got worse, now I'm back in treatment and still fighting to get my life back together.
Hang in there,

With all due consideration, and based on the pattern you've described, it sounds more like days between binges than sober time.

If you haven't been getting direct support, then you've already demonstrated that you cannot due this alone. Binge drinking is not simply putting together a couple or few days during which you drink to excess, and is in no way better than daily drinking with smaller amounts. Instead, it's an extremely dangerous undertaking that takes a dramatic toll on us both physically and mentally, and that could end up killing you.

I hope you're willing to get the help you need.

Perfectly said Dee, I am experiencing this right now, I too already had anxiety and alcohol has only made it worse. Now the main source of my anxiety is knowing that I must stop drinking and the fear that I can't.

Thank you for asking this question, cwood.

Even though I have experiences that tell me otherwise, I'm still thinking I can drink w/o a problem...

Thank all of you for being here!

It is normal for alcoholics. Alcohol lowers anxiety for a few hours and then raises it for weeks. Persistent alcohol use makes it persistently worse. Been there, done that.

I wouldn't be so fast to proclaim sobriety isn't going well for you. From what you've written you haven't given it a try yet. I remember that taking a week off feels like being sober, but it isn't. The impact of alcohol lasts far longer than a few days or weeks. Take 90 days off and see if you don't feel what I mean.

I used to binge, break, binge, break, too. Then I got worse. I highly recommend stopping before it gets worse.

Best of Luck on Your Journey! :ring

Welcome back Madruski,

Glad you are sober today, and you are here posting. Are you able to make an appointment with your doctor today to talk about the anxiety and the drinking? That would be a good first step. What supports do you currently have in place for recovery? There are so many different support systems available. Spend some time reading around here and deciding what will work for you.

Since you are not currently working use this time to devote to recovery. It is a great opportunity to get sober for good, and fully immerse yourself in the recovery process.

I have about 8 and a half months sober after a few years of flipping between short periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. I also deal with anxiety, and although it has not gone away it has substantially lessened since I have been sober. You can do this!!!

❤️ Delilah

I have always been a big believer in "time heals all". I am now finding out that alcoholism I not an exception.

do whatever it takes to get it.

I will share with you my experience as it relates a bit to yours. I experienced similar things while on a major (weeks long) bender. It was all caused by the alcohol...and it scared the crap out of me. So much so, I eventually quit altogether. That stuff doesn't happen to me anymore. I wish you luck as I think its getting pretty serious based on your description.

5 litres of beer AFTER a bottle of cognac! You sure?

Srry for the long post, I always try to keep it short but it never works our that way.

2 litres of beer - 250ml of cognac, (a snack after every shot, the food helped) then afterwards 3 litres of beer. In a 5 hour time frame. Tbh I think it's not much compared to what others can/could drink, but still it's a problem.

So iam on day 5 now, (again, getting to this point has actually become easier than usual) I find not counting or thinking about it actually works better.

Now. In regards to WANT . Ofcrourse I want. But sometimes the urge to obliterate myself is , well...almost hypnotic, not one beer that appeals to me, it's the whole keg. (even though all common sense and arrows point to it being a bad idea) - iam sure ppl know this feeling.

So yes my family has become worried this time, and actually this time they are listening to me that I need some help.. only problem is that they are all functioning alcoholics with no intentions to quit.

The examples of "functioning alcoholics" around me, is ofcourse no help at all especially after one week of not drinking.

And iam very aware and worried about my problem, and iam aware my foundation is not so strong.

I have alot to think about atm so iam just taking it one day at a time - again

Thanks again SR ,

Congrats on 5 days Madruski. It's dangerous ( and easy ) to try and compare our plight with those around us. It's a trap though....your addiction will just use it as an excuse to keep you drinking. If other people can be "functioning alcoholics" why can't you, right?

The problem is that an alcoholic is an alcoholic...and their level of "function" generally declines. And honestly, who's to say that those people you see aren't having all the same problems you are? I hid a lot of those problems from the world, but inside I had all the anxiety, panic and mornings where I wasn't sure I could even get out of bed that no one else saw.

Concentrate on what's best for you and resources/support to fix the problems you know you have.

I was surrounded my alcoholics in varying degrees of 'functionality' too.

From what I've learned the bottom line is none of that should dissuade you or impede you from taking action...right now - not next week or next month - to save your life, MadRuski.

D

"So yes my family has become worried this time, and actually this time they are listening to me that I need some help.. only problem is that they are all functioning alcoholics with no intentions to quit."

mud, YOUR getting help is NOT contigent on THEIR desire to stop drinking.
they can listen that you need help, but its NOT their responsability to get you help. that is something that is your respinsability- you have to be accountable for your sobriety

I suppose it does sound like iam blaming my problems on them, iam not. I've stopped that a while a while ago.

But their advice is " don't binge, just cut back and drink once a week, stop at a few beers" etc etc etc.

Iam sure we have all heard this from our close family who enjoy drinking, so for me to "get rid of triggers", is like stapling jelly to the wall" it's just always infront of me so I have to accept that.

We have a summer camping house about 50km away that we usually visit, and it's always an excuse to drink and relax, I have some renovations I need to do there, but this time iam not going because that place has been major trigger 3 times now.

Anyway, glad to be walking up sober .

I know it's not easy to hear but litrelly ignore it or ask for such requests not to be made

Hang in there and stay focused bud

Hi again Mafruski :)

From previous threads I remember it's not possible for you to move out or cut ties...so you're going to really have to work a tough programme if you really want change....

It''s not impossible - I've seen people get sober and stay that way in similar situations.

Fully shoulder the responsibility for your own recovery...take the reins...it'll be worth the effort.

I recommend a meeting based recovery group (AA or some other group like SMART or LifeRing) alongsde SR and whatever else you can find (counselling, outpatient rehab, whatever).

There's no such thing as too much support :)

D

^^^^What's the plan?

Want- good. Ideas - good. Action? Critical.

Every day, you have to choose not to drink. You have to have tools that are more than just good thoughts and I'll try; you can learn and improve your ability to make good choices with a plan. AA and other programs are plans of ACTION.

Bottom line- you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink, regardless of what is around you, who is around you (that's another topic, really), what everything external to you is like.

Good luck. You can do it if you choose to and get the help that is available.

Dee , August, and Soberwolf and everyone else.

Thanks again for the advice. Just a quick note, AA or therapy or outside support is really not an option for me, especially considering where I am atm , these things are not common at all.


The one thing i have been doing though, is looking for new ppl that don't drink alcohol. Iam glad my mind is slowly shifting to these influences and i get a sense of relief if a new friend or a new date say "i don't drink"

UPDATE - a good sense of relief just came over me because iam writing this sober and fresh. Whilst a relative just woke up , complaining how hungover he feels. Last night I didn't drink with them. (Talk about living with the devil)

And we just had a small laugh and discussion on "who feels better" and that he kinda envies my decision. Although he said "at least I don't have to think about anything today."

@ August - the plan is to continue on too day 7 and further and start surrounding myself with more sober minded people, outside of AA. atm this are my only main tools.

I've cancelled hunting trips, summer houses, bar catchups. Etc etc . Its not the people around me, its ME and the activities thats the problem.

I was shocked to learn this was a common side affect of withdrawl. With no insurance I put myself in the ER twice (still paying off those bills) because I was just very suddenly overwhelmed with a massive headache a racing heart beat that seemed to threaten to jump right out of my chest. I then got this affect several times a day for 2 weeks along with 1 ghost white stool. For my head to get completely straight again it took about 2 months. I went straight back to drinking when I felt like I was healed again. Believe me this is your warning to stop it can get SOOO much worse. I wish I had stopped after the panic attack I'm now going on 22 days sober and my sides still hurt. I have to question every ache and pain and will probably end up at the doctors again soon. God do I hate going to the doctors....

when the big book of aa came out, people on the west coast of the US were getting sober with nothing more than thembig book. there were no meetings or other sober alcoholics to work with.
meetings dont get a person sober.
you can read the big book online.