Good job coming here Jeff and talking it out. I hope you are safe right now. I see the 2 things I was always afraid of when I first quit. You had the opportunity to drink and you had the access to it. I eliminated all access as much as I could. I don't think you should keep alcohol anywhere were you can easily get at it.

Thomas, DON'T DO IT!!

I was the spouse of an A, not anymore, because he has made so many bad choices. You can do this, you are smart enough now, to reach out for help. Before you had no support. You have these amazing people to walk you through it. (this to shall pass)

It's Mothers Day!! Make it an amazing day for your spouse (or family), they deserve it (and so do you)!!

Good luck my friend!!

Ignore the AV it's a dirty liar! I hope you were able to find something else to do or were able to go to sleep for a little while. I've found the AV calls at furious times, but sleeping through it or doing something that takes up all of my energy (like reading or working out) really helps me get through those tough times. Good luck Thomas :)

Sounds like you go through that OK. Good for you.

Well, the good news is that the liquor store is closed. where would you have gotten the alcohol anyway?

Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

From a previous thread:

Some thoughts...Without criticizing or making accusations. Given your current state, it may help to think about what may be going on from another perspective. I'm on intimate terms with alcoholic thinking, as are many others here, and I'm motivated to share with you what I know.

The timing of your intense cravings was no accident. It's clear that you're already anticipating your wife's being away within the context of being uncertain of whether or not you'll drink during that time, and you may not be able to wait another ten days to start. Uncertainty has its cost, particularly when picking up the drink has been our go-to solution when we're unsure of ourselves.

"Getting away with" drinking seems to be a large part of your MO. When no one's around, when your wife's asleep...What's missing from your current plan to stay sober? And what plans have you made to stay sober while your wife's away? It's a good thing that you reached out on SR before you drank, but many people have done the same with devastating results, a kind of setting up their relapse by issuing a public warning in advance...Code for something along the lines of, "See? I told you I was going to drink!"

You want to drink. You made this clear in your thread. Call it the AV or anything else that makes sense to you but, ultimately, it's you, me and anyone else who picks up the drink who is/are responsible for what we do. Claiming that "The AV was too strong" or that "I'm too weak/not ready/caved in" or any other rationalization is not enough. If I acted on every destructive impulse I've had, I'd likely be dead or in prison. Alternatively, if I surrendered to the idea that "I'm too weak" or "not ready" to do the things that give my life meaning, if I ran away from life's challenges out of fear, I'd be a miserable mess of a human being with nothing to show for the time I've spent on this planet.

Your cravings have apparently passed. There is no better time to start building a plan that will help keep you safe for the rest of today and down the line.

Hang in there, for me feelings would subside, I just had to distract myself long enough for things to pass.

I had to realise that these thoughts were fine to have, they are simply thoughts, and it was my addiction that was stirring things up, but we still have a decision whether or not to act on them, thoughts on their own don't cause a hangover in the morning, so they are pretty harmless if we ride them out.

In time addiction's grip weakens and things get easier, we just have to push through to that time!! :)

we bought a bottle of whiskey yesterday for my parents. hate that stuff. I made it thanks to all of you. Will probably post a gratitude thread later.

"Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."

This is what scares the hell out of me.

Hi Endgame, your post hit me like a ton of bricks. You are correct. I have a couples challenges/tests headed my way, I need to pass them with flying colors. If I drink myself into the abyss, I will end up dead or in the hospital. I do not want that at all.

Glad you got through this. What worked for you?

To be honest, my wife. She's my rock (but I won't admit that to her).

Darn are we getting old or is the rest of the world getting young?

Felix the Cat
The wonderful wonderful cat
If he can't find his litter box
He heads straight for your hat!

I am saving this message and will re-read it time and time again. Thank you incontrol.

I have not had any alcohol on a sunday in 2 years, and this morning I almost blew it. All of you crazy cats who were up with me early this morning, I want to say thank you. It saved me. I have a big week ahead of me, and then of course on the 20th, my wife will be leaving me to visit family. Need to remain sober.

D

I still remember Felix's song and it definitely is applicable to sobriety.

Felix the Cat The Wondeful Wonderful Cat Whenever he gets in a fix he reaches into his bag of trix

I have found the more tricks we have the higher the likelihood we will stay sober

It always has and always will scare the hell out of me and I pray that I never forget

I don't want to have another day like yesterday. Stayed strong, but was a bit beat up mentally. Thanks again everyone.