Hi and welcome back.
All I’m going to post are repeats of my various posts and personal experiences and I know there is more to it than this but it may be a good starter if any of it helps.

By nature of the disease most alcoholics are dishonest with themselves regarding their drinking. Usually it’s called denial. Getting honest with ourselves about our drinking AND accepting the fact we can’t have the first drink so we don’t have to try to get sober again one day at a time in a row.

I’m not religious and was reluctant to get on my knees and ask MY Higher Power to help me stop drinking. At that moment a huge weight seemed to be lifted from my shoulders. It’s been a lot of years since that moment and I’ve been sober since along with millions in the program.
Being undisciplined there was a lot I didn’t like and the old timers just said “KEEP COMING.” Which I did and with baby steps became more teachable each day because I never want to go back to that miserable period.

Another thing that helped me is when the urge starts, start thinking about ANYTHING else for the few minutes it lasts.
The bottom line is honesty and acceptance, even if we don’t want to.


BE WELL

Thanks again everyone for your kind words and support. It was just what I needed to get my momentum going again. I have to go teach several English lessons right now, but when I return this evening I am going to call the number. I am then going to "go" to the online meeting. Then, and this is the part I can't wait for… I'm going to take a long, hot bath with a cup of detox tea. I'm going to do a facial mask and then put lotion on, put olive oil in my hair and sleep with it on. I like to get caught up in self care in these tough moments.
I'm really trying folks, I really am. Looking in from the outside I see myself as a baby having a temper tantrum, I know I seem that way. But I am giving this all I've got. I hope this is the last time I go through this.
Alright off to see this group of three 5 year old boys…. totally awesome with a hangover…..:p

I really doubt anyone else here sees you this way Mera. That kind of beating ourselves up really makes it easy for us to drink again.

Maybe its time to leave that behind too? :)

D

Mera, it sounds like you have a good plan for taking care of yourself.

that is so very true.. :c011:

you can do this Mera, just get through the day.
I hope this mystery person works out. I couldn't imagine being struggling in a foreign land.
As for skype, you can always put a photo of Lauren Bacall in front of the lens. Or just put a sticky over it like I would.

Just wanted to say thank again to b086, I have successfully signed up for the online meeting tonight and the person said they should be calling me on Skype in the next few minutes to start. I'm so nervous but happy.

That's good to hear, Mera!

Ok, I had my first AA meeting. Tonight they discussed the 12 traditions. I thought it would be boring because I don't know about the traditions but it was ok. I think this online format will be good for me. I was very comforted to hear a variety of different accents from people all over the world. I'm not sure how to explain that really, but that is what I felt. Now time for my bath that I have been waiting all day for. Then bed. I'm looking forward to putting this day behind me and going full steam ahead tomorrow. Enough wallowing and whining, time to get back at it. Thanks everyone. Goodnight.

Welcome back Mera :c011:

Didn't recognise "toddler Mera" ;)

I chuck my toys out of the cot too sometimes and when I'm done with that, I usually find out a little more about myself.

Great news on the meeting :)

Enjoy the rest of your evening

I am thrilled to hear that you made it to a meeting. I sincerely hope that you are able to find what you need in these meetings. Keep coming back!

Awesome to hear, Mera! Your drive and openness is inspiring.

:D Yes, yes. Back to behaving like a mature adult….. how boring!

Just one last update then I'll be happy to see this thread drift down into the archives.
I attended another online AA meeting tonight. It was a women's meeting which I enjoyed. I've got to be honest and say that I don't feel like the heavens have opened and god or bob marley or joan rivers or whoever has spoken to me and shown me the light. But, spending an hour at the end of each day, focussed on my sobriety and hearing other people speak is not a bad way to close out the day. There's a fair bit rambling on- so unfortunately not via Robert Plant/Jimmy Page- but every now and then someone drops a golden nugget and that makes the time passed worth it.
I also…… quit smoking! I can't say for certain, but I think that continuing to smoke wasn't helping things. I'm not going to make any promises on that one. But I made it through today without smoking. Not bad.
I'm only having very mild withdrawal symptoms. Some tiredness, and that dizzy, lightheaded stuff I had last time. I'm having trouble eating, not sure what that is about. I hope because the amount of alcohol consumed during my relapse was minimal (compared to my history) that I will get off a litter easier this go.
Like clockwork I started thinking about drinking mid afternoon. I briefly considered going to the local bar and having 1 glass of wine and just buying a 10 pack of cigarettes. Haaahahaaaaa one glass of wine. Thankfully I saw it for what it was, came straight home instead and ended up having a very productive and nice night with my kids.