MIC, I really hope you get a new dr sooner than next week.

I am concerned about you right now.

I want to be able to quit
For me. That's what I was trying to say to the guy yesterday but he didnt get it :((((?(. Drive me insane in the membrane. Grrr

I'm
Glad she understands. And what you wrote made me cry. I'm surpieses I came
Across outgoing and funny though!?!?? That does t seem like me.

I knew what I should have said re the Val but yeah what do we clll it here on SR the av or something wa humping for joy. Of course

I do want to get better I want it fixed but I don't want to feel crap anymore. I'm holding to together or my kids but my husband is picking up the pieces. It's nt fiat on him:((((. Midnight session with me pulling my own hair out on clumps etc. he's not I destructible. He works with crazies all day at work them comes home to me

Anyway today I took kids to play group. Have kid nod cleaned hahw jois. Now struggling to stay awake. Don't worry kids are absolutely fine.

Thanks anna. There's just nobody. I need someone who gets it. Nobody gets it m.
It's so frustrating. If rather check into a mental eard

something I know for sure --- I am NOT the only one who knows where you're at.
I know at least three active members here that know a shiiteload about benzos and booze. The mixing
that is bringing this out of you.
If YOU will not reach out to all the hands...I am at a loss.
I never had hands in this hell..I couldn't reach out like you are doing...but I've seen clearly people post that care about you.
Don't throw that away. Please don't.

My instinctual response to you saying "no one knows?" is that's bull...total bull.
There's quite a few that get it...have been in worse places, know about the doctor
bull, the kids/busy-ness, the take too much and have no control. Plenty.

Are you going to actually connect with anyone who's been or is at where you are or no? If no....I'll never bother you again. I detest nagging, wasting my time and yours....so say the word.

Till then - I'm going to keep rooting for you.
I'm currently working on a post that I need to do for Carol and my eyes are swollen from crying and it's frigging hard....yet, nothing will stop me from publishing this blog....I've got serious issues about sharing, abuse, invisibility and yet I am plowing through....it's frigging hard. So is what you are doing.

Keep going, MLC....keep talking at the very least. Don't isolate, no matter what.

Hi, I know it feels horrible in the beginning but unfortunately you will feel bad the first few days/weeks of sobriety but it really does get better. The alternative is just to stay drinking/drugging and it gets worse and worse

I really hope you see another doc and get the help you need.You say your kids are absolutely fine. I have a child too and thought I was a fine/normal mum. only since getting sober do I realize I was not the best mum I could have been and my child would definitely not have been fine if I stayed drunk. It doesn't have to be outright abuse or neglect,just not being fully present and otherwise occupied because of drink/drugs is bound to cause a problematic relationship.

I don't know how old your kids are but the oldest ones are probably old enough to know what's going on. It will only get worse and worse,especially mixing drink and benzos. Who knows what could happen. People die from it-your kids will then have no mum. Please please get help, if not for you,for your children's sake.They deserve a sober,clean mum and you deserve that for yourself.

The oldest is 13 so I'm sure he has an inkling. Mum is always sick in bed so at the very least thud be worried.

Feel lok such a f up. Until now people have thought I'm normal but hubby said I'm walking around town looking and talking like I've been shooting up smack. Great look. I've it so Muxh to Lose

I had way too many at lunch today and completely passed out waking up and literally having to look at my phone for not only what I tkme it was but what say too. Hate it. Can't stop ot

Please get rid of the Xanax. In combination
with the booze, you are accidentally going to KILL yourself - you will stop breathing in your sleep- and your beautiful children will be without their Mum. I know you don't want that, right????

Hugs,
Pam

You can stop it MLC....if you're prepared to do something about it.

D

I'm

Trying

thats good to hear - hope you have a good night's rest :)

D

I don't know about your country, but when I got to the point you're at now, here in my country they just made that decision for me. It may soon be out of your hands.

I'm sorry to say, the children are most certainly not fine.

MidLifeCrisis-

I am going to let the way more knowledgable people on this site post about the drugs and alcohol and other pieces

What was said to you about nutrition, eating and food however is not okay. I just wanted to throw my two cents in about that.

I am glad you are trying to take care of yourself, and glad you are here.

Hope you are ok Midlife, from reading the responses to your posts i can see that you are truely cared about here.

I agree soberlicious. MLC- I'm in the UK and know someone whose children were removed from her care after she tried to collect them from school after she'd been drinking.The school called social/family services and the children were removed from her care. If you are drinking at lunchtime this may well happen to you. I hope you get the help you need

What did I say?

Maybe this is a reference to your first post in this thread, where you were frustrated by your counselor telling you to eat right and exercise?

Thanks for
Caring so much. I should have said that the other day xx

Ok.

I'm in a bit of a better headspace today. Well,
Not a good headspace, feel really
Depressed but I'm not *as* wasted so I can see all these wonderful and caring posts and I feel bad for not responding to each one as it deserves. Thanks everyone. There really are
Some amazing people here.

I've got no alcohol and limited pills. Could easily go find something else of course but I'm going to try my hardest not to. I'm too scared to take nothing. I'm terrified of those suicidal times that just overwhelm me. So so scared and they were worst when I was sober. So what to do?

Anyway. House to clean, pizza to cool, children to entertain, will
Not pass out today. My phone is still a bogan.

If you do nothing else, please get someone to take care of your children.

You are slipping quickly and I feel so much concern for the five children who need you.