Mother of a great 18 month old baby :(
 

I'm new here so I guess this is my intro. I'm a mother of one...an 18 month old crazy awesome little boy...I'm a navy wife of a strong trustworthy man...I'm a college graduate. Why am I an alcoholic?! It was a fast progression...I can't blame them, but both of my parents have addictions which always affected my childhood...I didn't drink while pregnant although prior to my husband and I were very light social drinkers and had no issues...I didn't drink until well after I had my son and was living with my parents (who are day drinkers...and at their age I'm not expecting them to change bc it's just who thy are, despite my repeated and sometimes drastic attempts) an even when I drank at that point it was maybe 3 beers a day. It wasn't until I moved away and felt very isolated and lonely (and honestly after I had started taking Celexa) that I became an extreme daily binger. It went from a 6 pack a day...to a 12 pack a day...to a gallon of vodka every other day(drinking all day both days) to a blackout here and there...to a bottle or two of wine...and then here recently back to an 18 pack a day...A DAY!! I'm not a big girl either. When I drink beer I never get drunk. I stopped drinking coffee and replaced it with beer. I'm not trying to impress. I don't think this forum is for that. I need help...I need someone who understands. I need to stop. Today is the day. I've said this before, lasted a few days, and then went right back to my ways. This Hans effected my mothering, I know what people are thinking out there, but it really hasn't. It has effected my relationship, and most certainly my health. So, that's me...sorry this was so long. I'm sure no one read it all anyhow.

Wow, im glad you found us

Thanks...I really am a great mom...I feel so embarraced and ashamed to reach out so maybe this will help. I don't want people to think I'm an evil selfish person :(

Nothing to be ashamed about here. You came to the right place for help, most of us have been where you are. Lots of great people with a ton of experience with success at sobriety. Sobriety really is a great thing...

Thanks. Today is day one again. So I need all the help I can get.

I'm on day 80, so not a long term guy yet. But I was told the following very early in my sobriety: " forgive yourself. What's in the past is just that, the past. It's over, focus on your recovery, and that starts today". Easier said than done, but getting past my guilt and shame early was an important thing for me to do in focusing on my recovery.

Emhow84,
I read it all and welcome to SR good to have you here!

welcome to sr.i also have a little boy. i'm on day 11 (again) this time is the last. let the past go. concentrte on getting sober-think how much better mom you'll be sober. i have more patience, less irritable, just more present and really enjoy being a mum sober. it might be an idea to see a docfor supervised detox. good luck

Did you consider making an appt with your doctor? You are consuming a lot of alcohol and stated you are not a large body mass

I'm not really worried about past damage to my body bc I feel surprisingly fine...I guess maybe you're talking about detox? I have gone a few days without having side effects... When do detox side effects usually start? do you really think I should see a doctor? I don't see what good it would do.

hi, yes,detox can be really dangerous-it can kill you. you are going from 18 drinks a day to nothing. not worth taking a chance. at those levels you probably never feel ill/hungover as the alcohol is still in your system so you're not withdrawing-it really kicked in badly at dys 2/3 for me

So first, God Bless you for being a navy wife. I have a dear friend who is also and I have always admired her for it!

You said, "I need help...I need someone who understands. I need to stop. Today is the day." SO PERFECT! YOU FOUND THE RIGHT SPOT! That is exactally what SR is for. Continue to read and post and you will find strength.

Glad you are here...

Glad you are here. You are not a bad person because you are an alcoholic.. none of us are bad people. We just got wrapped up in something that was stronger than us. You can do this!! I'm over 4 months sober now, and never thought I could do it. Your son already has a father in the military.. he deserves to have his mother there and sober. Best to you!!!

Hi Emhow. Welcome to SR. I can relate to much of your post. My husband is in the Navy too (we are in CT too!) and I have kids. The isolation can be overwhelming, especially when you first arrive at a new duty station. Good work on reaching out and realizing that you need to stop. Our insurance will cover treatment if you are interested. Have you thought about AA? There are some great meetings in the New London/Waterford/East Lyme area.

What could the doctors do to help?

I think they give you meds to stop serious withdrawals/supervise you. others will know more-it may even be helpful for you if you start a new thread asking about dangers of withdrawals-you'll get more specific advice from people who've been directly affected. good luck

Doctors will observe your physical withdrawal symptoms and monitor your vital signs, administering medication as needed to prevent complications.

Alcohol and benzodiazepam withdrawals are the two known substance withdrawals that are potentially fatal. For that reason, it is important to discuss a detox plan with a medical professional, giving full and honest disclosure of your history with alcohol and any other medications.

Dr
 

Hi & welcome! I've got 3 kids & am on day 1. Don't be ashamed..... You are seeking help!
I would talk to your doctor not only because of detox but maybe you have some postpartum depression going on that's adding to it. I often wonder if that's what made my drinking worse.
Take care!:grouphug:

Hiya, i'm on day 1 too x

Thanks for all of your support! I'm so glad I found SR.

there is an october class you may like to join too. lots of us getting sober in october!

hope you join too Swindon-I'm British too!

this is very true.....also your doctor will run some bloodwork which will show your elevated liver functions...then they will run them periodically.

Where is this October class? All I see is oct 2011 :(

Emhow84:

Please pick up the phone and get yourself some help.

I can't ignore the elephant in the room, which is the fact that you are drinking as much as you are while parenting an 18 month old infant.

Your addictive voice, or the disease of alcoholism, is speaking when you you say it hasn't effected your mothering. Blackouts most definitely have an impact on your ability to tend to your child. Your beer consumption is enough that the effects of alcohol are typically significant impairment of motor coordination and loss of good judgment. Speech may be slurred; balance, vision, reaction time, and hearing will be impaired.

While you claim that you don't get drunk drinking beer, with the amount you are consuming, you are legally intoxicated. Using a blood alcohol calculator, and assuming you are 120 pounds (you said you were small), if you drank 18 beers over 16 hours, your BAC would be .103; .08 is the level for legally intoxicated.

If you drive, you are driving drunk, putting your precious baby, yourself and others at risk.

If someone were to become aware of your situation and was concerned enough to put in a call to DCF, you face the possibility of having your baby removed from the home.

I'm sorry to put this in such blunt terms, yet hope it underscores what is at risk for both you and your baby.

Again, please pick up the phone and make a call for help.

I don't want to question your parenting skills, but you can't suck down beers all day and effectively be there for your child. blackouts with a baby at home is no way to live for either of you.

what I can tell you is that drinking exacerbated my depression which made me drink which made me more depressed. it's a cycle you want to break now...not 10 years down the road.

(or in my case 25 years)

You really hurt m feelings slim...I know what I did was wrong...and I am changing that. But you know nothing about me, my parenting, or even where I was or who was with me during the few times I 'blacked out'...maybe I shouldn't have even posted anything. I thought this was a great help until I read your post.:c029:

Emhow - Welcome - I'm glad you joined us. SR helped me get sober after drinking for a lifetime. I'm small, too, and was up to a 30-pack of beer a day before my drinking career ended. I have no idea why I felt the need to anesthetize myself, but I couldn't find my way out of hell until I came here.

I hope you'll keep posting and sharing how you're doing. We all care about you and want to help. I'm glad you've realized that was no way to live, & have reached out for a better life. You can do this.

Welcome to SR Emhow :) Glad you're here. Just take things one step at a time. It isn't easy to quit drinking. I could put a lot of beer away too and not get drunk.. in the end drinking it became a bit pointless. You're making the best decision ever. I am a little over 7 months and never thought I would be able to stop drinking. You can do this! xxx

I'm sorry a few posts here have upset you Emhow.

It's obvious to me you want to change your life, and that you're here for help in doing that.

I hope others will appreciate this.

Many times I want to post stuff and I have to stop and think whether what I'm posting is about the poster or because I've been triggered in some way.

I hope others will recognise this too and keep any judgements to themselves.

Let's all focus on sharing our experience and offering our help.

D