I wan to use!!!
 

I was doing really good. As you saw in my mind over matter post. Myabe it was too
good to be true.
Yesterday really took a drain on me. And YES..I am still pissed.
That is my dad. How dare that lady come poking her finger in his face like that.
I am not as mad. But now because i let it get the best of me. I want nothing more than to go get high. That would letting her win and i would be backsliding and lose everything I have worked so hard to get so far.
It would be a dam shame to let that all go over that stupid bitch.
But my anger is still consuming me. I just cant let it go.
Someone please talk me down.
I dont want to lose my 45 days.

chiy, please do not let what you worked so hard to get go...

anger, the addicts/alky's worst nightmare... anger turns to huge resentments, then rage... whats the next stop... we use...

when all else fails... go help another drunk...! it gets us out of self...

pray'n for ya chiy... hey, maybe go youtube it, some good La'Musica might help...

(((chiy)))

all good wishes chiy...

xxoo, rz

Chiy,

Wait. Stay here. Don't do anything else. Keep posting ok?

Your only job right now is to not use today. If that is too hard, just wait an hour. Hang on hun. Don't use. Remember last time? It will not help. It will make everything much worse.

I pray that you will find some serenity soon.

Chiy,
Sit down...close your eyes and talk to God. For real go to a quiet place and do some self talk. Offer this anger up for your Dad and your love for him. Sounds crazy, maybe, but in your mind put it to some good use. Ask God and he will help you. I'll be asking for you too! Hope it gets better. Julie

One thing that I have learned in recovery is when I am mad at anything the best thing for me to do is to write about it, which you are doing. Sharing is Caring. And we all care here about you. Like Pat said that Anger isn't good for us addicts. It takes too much energy for one thing ;)

What I do myself is......

I write what is going on in my head, no matter what it is. Then I take the paper after writing it down and I crumble it up into as small of a ball as I can and then I throw it in what I call my God Box. That is action on my part to get rid of it and to turn it over to anything other than me. I am still not to sure about all that God stuff but I do know that there is something that is bigger than me GOD (Group OF DRUGGIES) that makes it easier for me to believe.

So if that helps, if not keep posting, keep writing, keep coming back and I am sending you a hug today!

Hang in there. You are thinking right...do not let her win.
She all ready messed with your dad, don't let her mess with you.
Let's be thankful you didn't break her finger and go to jail for battery? LOL

Trish,

I'm so glad you posted and shared - huge growth! Please keep posting - get it out here. Don't give up. xoxox

There's lots of good advice here Trish. I used to let situations like that consume me too. I think it's part of the obsession aspect of addiction. But, you'll be able to learn better ways to deal with your anger, that don't leave you frustrated and stressed. You'll get through this.

chiynita? what's up? blessings, k

(((Chiy)))

Hellooooo..keep us posted..but more than that keep yourself clean my friend!

((((Chi))))

Hang in there Chi, the only person you would be hurting is yourself.

Hello chiynita.

It isn't very often but I get angry, too. When I was fresh into Recovery the flood of emotions, especially anger, overwhelmed me. I didn't care at the time because for once I was feeling something. but the I became overwhelmed and some time later I began drinking again.

Alcohol and other drugs serves the purpose of providing a synthetic pleasure. It feels good and much better than those real emotions we have. But the we become dependent upon those substances expecting them to mute or drown out those bad emotions we don't want to deal with. And, more often than not, we suffer more from the chemical dependency than the bout of emotional turbulence itself.

If you're getting over-emotional stop for a second and ask yourself if that chemical fix will make life better or worse for you Today. And the key here is to think where that first fix leads to for all problems of chemical dependency stem from that first fix.

With that out of the way, focus upon why you're so emotional. Here, you're concerned about your dad being accosted by some lady. While it's good to care for others the first thing you have to focus upon is your own Recovery. He's the one who had to deal with the lady. You don't. And as hard it is when concerning other family members know that you're allowing that lady to affect you just as she's trying to affect your dad.

Don't give her that extra power. It's like handing an active drunk the keys to their vehicle: It only causes more harm. The best way you can serve as an example is to serve as an example of Recovery. Don't let her bother you and you'll see how very small she is.

I hope you do the right thing Today, chiynita. Above everything else, don't use Just For Today and you'll manage this and other situations with a clear head. :)

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.

Hi Chy,

Please do not use. I did and wrecked my car , got arrested fro DUI, and spent a weekend in jail. This was my first time getting that deep into turmoil. It is not worth it...Forty-five days is awesome...

Thinking of you...

You know Chi..............early in recovery I went to AA meetings. NOT for any 12 step program. I went for the FELLOWSHIP. To be with people who were going through or had gone through what I was going through.

Many was the late night meeting because someone has p*ssed me off royally, or the early morning meeting because I was still stewinig about it.

And yes I got phone numbers also, and I used those numbers, sometimes very late at night.

And you know what?........................there was always someone to help me GET PAST the drinking and using thoughts.

NOTHING at all to do with a 12 step program, or any program for that matter. Just PEOPLE, live, sober and clean PEOPLE. HUMAN CONTACT.

In these early days you might want to consider checking out the FELLOWSHIP, so you have another TOOL to help you on your road of Recovery.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

where the heck are you, chiy? now i'm getting concerned...

******{chiy}}}}
I have to get to work, but felt the need to post before I go.
I hope you havent let your anger get the best of you.
Dont let that b**** win. If you use she will have gotten the best of you.
I would really hate to see you lose your clean time.
I will be thinking of you tonight and you will be in my prayers.
I hope you are OK.
Please let us know how you are okay.
im gonna check back to SR when i get home and I hope you will have left some good news.
Hugs,
Beth

hi Chiy, how you doing now?

Kevin

OK Trish this is my codi side coming out! :lmao Are you OK? This isn't like you to not check in here since I posted early this morning. I am worried about you and am sending plenty of good thoughts your way.

GOD (Group Of Druggies) Help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to her today that YOU and her can't handle together. Sending hugs


(((((((((((((((((((((((((Trish))))))))))))))))))))

Still thinking of You :) Keep your head up honey.....

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))

********{Trish}}}}}
I just got home and I see you havent checked in.
I hope you are okay. I am worried about you, and I know I m not alone.
I dont know what to say except that I really care and I hope you are allright.

I've had so little time to come here-but chiy?*hugs*

I hope you're ok-I really do,

Jules xox

Trish? I just got home too. Time you checked in. I'm thinking of you.

USING=Jails, institutions, and death..think about that..

Keep us posted..

lending support, chiy. come back! k

Me TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing that I would like to tell ya Trish! Is there is no shame in relapse. I know that is hard to believe but in all reality the only shame is to not come back. If (and I am NOT saying that you are used) you have used, it is OK! You just need to dust yourself off and come back. NONE of us have anything other than today. We all start our days the same way pretty much.

Relapse isn't a requirement but it has been my requirement. You know honey, look at my join date over <<<<<<<<! Out of all of my post, and all of my time here, I FINALLY got to where I could not USE JUST FOR TODAY. I haven't used since May 25, 2006 and for that I am grateful. But it doesn't happen over night and neither does recovery. I Have faith in YOU Trish! I care!

********{TRISH}}}}}

I had 105 days clean in when I relapsed. Terewasnt anything I could do except start again. I hope you do the same. If you relapsed that is. I am hoping you are doing something else and just havent had the chance to check in.

I will be thinking about you today. I hope everything is okay with you.

I wish you would check in. You are missed.

Hugs,
Beth

I don't know about anyone else - but I get upset and frustrated about threads like this one. Someone who I care very much about - is out there, who knows where, and I am utterly powerless to help. I get so angry at addiction.

So do I Rowan....My sponsor always told me that it is OK to be angry especially at the disease of ADDICTION! He said that if you never get angry about what it has done to you, then you probably won't be able to get clean. I hate addiction and that is OK with me today.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((Trish)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )

The best we can do is throw out the lifelines via our messages and hope that they reach out and grasp for them.

It is upsetting knowing that whatever we can do to help it just may not be enough for some. I'd hate to end this on a down note but some people just need to face life and either to fail or to succeed on their own. And that decision Today, to use or not, is always there.

I can't walk up to chiynita and tell her, face to face, that she not worry about this. That life does offer the greatest rewards and yet what appears to be intolerable pain and suffering. That she can choose to accept life on life's terms or avoid it in drug-induced oblivion. That there are many people here who don't want to see her hurt herself further.

But you're right, Rowan. We are powerless over that. And that's very frustrating. Only she can choose between learning to live with the struggle or to give up. Only she can reach out.

And to chiynita: If you're reading this right now then thank you for lurking. Now let us know you're okay, please?

Yours in Recovery, Mark B.