Class of April 2018 Part 6
 

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-5-a-20.html

D

Hello from me on Sunday !
I'm super tired just finished work!
Feeling. A bit down right now and just totally sick of working and would love a day off or even a good night sleep . I'm doing this sobor and have no idea how I got through last year the way I did ! Will read up tonight after the kids sleep and see how my friends are xx:You_Rock_

Good to hear from you Strawberry :)

D

Hi, resolve is strong. I feel lousy but it’s temporary. I’m still trying to get through this serious if shots. I’ve got some anxiety. I went out to do some errands and found myself overwhelmed. I got back to town, got some food and came home.

I’ll eat soon and probably go to bed pretty early. Maybe the errands will happen tomorrow. As part of my ‘adventuring persona’ (May be a fake person) I took the travel doctor’s advice that I get Rabies inoculations. F-ing killing me, and almost no chance it would happen anyway. Now that I’ve had 2 I’ve got to get the last one or it’s a monumental waste. 😓 Brutal.

My sick friend was asking for help today and I just said no. No way. Sorry. I’m tripping out and feel lousy.

Alrighty, maybe I’ll check in later,

V🐍

23.45

Hi Aprils

Just checking in quickly before I go to bed. I hope you've all had the best Sunday. Mine involved running round after too many people. I really do have to work on learning how to say no,I'm burning myself out. Other than that, all is good.

Thanks for the new thread Dee.

Great to see you posting Strawberry though I'm sorry that you're feeling a bit down, it's no wonder with all those hours you put in. When do you ever get any Strawberry time?

So glad to know your resolve is strong Viper, try and keep it that way, don't be trying to talk your way out of it. Ouch, I can imagine those rabies jabs are painful, I hope you feel much better tomorrow and don't suffer from too many side effects. Take care.

I'm off to bed now, so sleep well you lot and hopefully we'll catch up tomorrow. xx

Daisy, yes I’m trying to channel Luke Skywalker here. I said something to my father about ‘in a month or two everything will open up.’ He was like, ‘In a month or two!!!!???’ Not helpful. Yes it takes 3 days for my brain to start working properly and be able to take a walk without losing my breath, you blithering moron. I want to Rocky III this s**t!! Or Rock IV? I dunno. Eye of the tiger 🐅. More like eye of the Viper.

The shots don’t hurt when I get them. Its the Flu symptoms it gives me. Never should not have been done. Anyway, one more.

Doors will open. Portals will appear. The wheel will swing around.

I’m going to sleep. It’s stormy across half the US right now. We’ve had storms here for hours. It’s pouring.

V🐍

Good night or good morning. Day 32 here and feeling pretty optimistic.

Feel better Viper.....”eye of the Viper”...NICE! Keep that positive momentum going even if if it takes small steps. You can achieve better things for yourself. You deserve it, friend.

Night Daisybelle and good day, D.

Well done, Strawberry!

See the rest of you around on this new thread...I hope!

Morning all ... Had to go to the capital today to run some jobs . Sat waiting for the doctors office to open . This feels good ... I'm away from the taverna this morning for the first time since April. I have swapped shifts as I'm not babysitting tonight so I'm work at the taverna from 3-12 tonight .
But I have broken the chain if that makes sence so it feels good.
I have heavy health anxity right now and feeling like I have something wrong all the time! I'm sure it's proberbly only tiredness!
I'm having a Pap smear this morning as its been way to long!!
After I'm going to go for a nice coffee on the waters edge and read SR .
Hopeing your all well and pressing on ok... Donny where ru havnt seen you post much !
Nicole ?????

I hope you enjoy your morning apart from the doctors strawberry :)

D

11.30

Good morning my April reprobates

I'm hoping to find you all well, happy, sober and refreshed after the weekend.
All okay here, I'm home from doing my running about and just sitting down with a coffee and having half an hour to myself.

Luke Skywalker Viper, wow, what can I say? Re your father, I think I'd be tempted to say nothing at all to him, just show him and watch his amazement at your transformation. Re your jabs, flu symptoms can be pretty savage so I suppose you have to treat them as if you do have flu, rest, plenty of fluids of the non alcoholic variety and good food. Anyway the sooner that last one is out of the way, the better. Make today a good day.xx

Hi Quit, well done on day 32, keep on doing what you're doing, those days are adding up.

I hope all goes well at the doctor's Strawberry, enjoy the rest of your day.

I'll pop in again later at some point. Have the best Monday you can and stay sober.

Thought for the day....Being sober makes me feel like I got my sh!t together........I don't, but it feels like it.

Good morning my April lovies :grouphug:

Thank you for the new thread and all your wisdom, Dee :)

Strawberry - take care and get some rest. I have found sleep to be my new best friend! I don't know how I managed all the drinking, either. The weekends never seem long enough to get everything done that I want to do. But then I remember that a lot of the stuff actually didn't get done! I'm still playing catch up :)

Vipe - as the child of dysfunction I can hear and feel your pain. And I'm sorry. The biggest gift you can give yourself is to Let Go and Let God. God can be anything/anyone you want. I have decades worth of pain and struggle. My choice was to forgive and let go. Our parents did the best they could with what they knew or what they had. My brother was unable to let go, he spent his adulthood pointing fingers and blaming others for all his woes. He was unable to beat addiction and died of a drug overdose. I'm praying for you Vipe and sending you positive vibes. Take care :grouphug:

Hi Quit - great job on Day 32! I'm glad to hear you are feeling good...keep that momentum going :)

Miss Daisy - how are you? How is your garden? I feel like summer is slipping by. I have a deck with nice outdoor furniture and early in the summer I got some twinkly lights to hang around the deck. So pretty when they are on and my plan was to spend hot summer nights out there reading or just looking at the stars. I have gone out there exactly one time. And the mosquitoes ravaged me. I may be sober but I definitely do not have my sh!t together! lol All well...onward and upward :)

Suze, Bluesy, Erratic, Donny, Nichole, Rowlands, lovehoops...hope you all are well.

Day 100 for me :vg

Hi peeps, Donnyboy is back with his tail between his legs and nothing but regret, anxiety, and feeling of worthlessness to show. I had it all figured out with having a few and all good and normal, until Saturday that is. My inner demon came out in full force and total blackout, with a nice cut and bruise from where I fell, and lord knows what other stupidity but at least I’m here to talk about it. I hate myself right now. I hate the control alcohol has over me and the lack of control I have. I went on vacation and forgot about my problems, cares, this place, and everything that has helped me along the way. I had a couple of drinks and was on my best behavior and life was fine because the last thing I want is for anyone close to know I lose control. Fast forward a week and no one is around but me and a twelve pack and now here I am. I can’t do this anymore.

Congrats to all of you celebrating a milestone. Suze and Kgirl and anyone else I missed. Suze, with struggle comes strength, and you keep doing it and inspiring and one of these days I’ll listen🙄

I honestly have missed all of you in my life, and just being on here has made me feel better. Love to all especially you Daisymum, as I know you worry about me. I’m on day two and will post this evening again💜

Definately RE my dad. He did the best he could. That’s over and done with and despite my brain being wired by a lunatic, I have to work with what I’ve got and not blame. I still need to talk to him somewhat. I live there. He’s going to want to know how I am. He pays for the life coach, etc, etc. I’ll try to say nothing and let the transformation take place. As my sister says, “I don’t know why you would tell *him* anything.”

Luke Skywalker. I watched the last installment of the films on Netflix last night. What a blast! That was good clean fun.

My resolve stands. Still got the flu like symptoms. I talked to the nurse and he said as far as the last shot goes, it can be later on. It doesn’t have to be exactly 7 days for the third shot. In other words I can do it in a month. I’ll asses the situation Friday morning. Also, this is helping me not drink. So I guess there’s a benefit there.

I’m glad I have those HOKAS now because I think they are going to see some use. I’d like to get in shape over the next couple of months. Otherwise I have multiple hiking shoes and that’s it.

Day 6. Tomorrow 7. Next day 8.

I’ll check in later folks, thank you for the advice and support.

V🐍

Happy Monday Aprils!

HUGE congrats to Kgirl & Suze & Quit...you''re doing awesome, keep it up!!

I'm in the middle of my work day, but just wanted to jump on and say hello!

Here's to another sober day, choosing breath over death. It's that serious for me and I don't ever want to forget it!!! As time goes by, the brain will play tricks and tell you "it wasn't THAT bad" - well, in fact it was FAR worse than bad!! Learning to deal with life minus the easy escapes & numbing is tough sometimes, but well worth it. Desperately trying to figure out how to be a 'normal' drinker...those days are DONE.

Onward and inwards my friends: Daisy, Dee, Vipe, Donny, Strawberry, Erratic, Quit, Suze, Kgirl, Sunshine, Lovehoops, Nichole, Rowlands. Let's stick together on this boat. If you fall over, just climb back in ASAP, we've got ya!

Day 112

:)

Haven’t found my day 1 :( I haven’t gave up I’m truly am trying I’m just under a lot of stress and depression I’m looking for answers in all the wrong places

If I can figure out these questions I have maybe o can move on

Donny I’m sorry about that relapse, but very happy you’re here!!! 💚 Waking up with an unjury that your black-out, idiot side, got into is always a good time huh? I know it well my friend!! Don’t beat yourself up too hard. It never helps.

I’m all geared up because of 6 days sober, like I’m ready to jump down someone’s throat. The opportunity arose and I kind of did. These idiot, hillbilly, City Road Workers, come flying out of their facility across the street in their jacked up trucks every day at 3:30. It’s absolutely wreckless. I’ve got my old mom and dad up there walking around and and driving in and out. My sister was just backing out and the guy almost totaled out her car. Those Duck Dynasty tools will not be too happy tomorrow. The head of the facility is calling me at 9am. I tried for 6 months not to be a jerk, to just let it go, but maybe I’ll save someone’s life.

Alrighty, I’m going to do a little online shopping 😬. I just need to get ‘one’ little thing. Then food and Netflix. Sober night.

It’s downtight tropical here today 🌴. 80’s and very humid, with strong breezes and passing rains. I like it.

V 🐍

Nichole it’s ok that you haven’t found your day one. You’re trying. It’s a really tough struggle. Don’t give up!!! ❤️💚💙🦋

Thanks vipe I’m starting to think people like me will never change:( what’s the point if I can’t seem to change

I’m so over being sick and tried nothing for me will ever change maybe I’m meant to live this life and die as an addict a lot of family and friends did what makes me different

Because I won’t have it Nichole. I simply won’t have it. You aren’t destined to be a miserable addict and die because of it. You can do something about it. It’s very hard to be a drunk. Painful and torturous. As you express here all the time. You are all wrapped up in it know. You have no perspective on this. That’s not a flaw, that’s just where you’re at.

What help have you turned down? Also, what makes you say you’re looking in the wrong places? If you’ve got an offer of help, you need to take it. We can’t do it by ourselves. What are these wrong places your looking to?

If we had some more specific information, I think the smart folks here might be able to guide you if you’re willing. You’re saying you’re lost. Take a helping hand. The advice might not be easy tasks, or what you want to hear. However, you *could* die like one of your family members and that would suck. Life is precious. Your life is precious. Your specific consciousness on this planet has a purpose. There is a whole world out there, outside that town of 300 people you’re in.

You are, as corny as it sounds, the author of your own story. I can’t remember how old you are, but I think you’re very young. You can start a new life. As a sober person you’d see the changes you need to make in your life, and you can make those changes.

Maybe I’ll do it myself. 😮 I talk the talk pretty well.

Hey Nichole
recovery's not about never having problems - it's about not resorting to alcohol or drugs to try and solve those problems :)

It took me 15 years to get to a point when I quit drink and drugs for good, so don't lose heart - I doubt it will take you that long.

Welcome back Donny - I'm sorry you're still struggling too - what the plan from here?

D

Thanks vipe and Dee
I turned 29 in June okay I’m going to open up from the bottom of my heart and how I feel
So I wonder if I am an alcoholic because I have an amazing life I’m buying a house I have nice vehicles and toys money in the bank so I think I can’t be an alcoholic I love my friends like family and they all drink or smoke pot so when around them I feel like I have to I’m struggling with life itself so many days I wish I was dead instead of living so I drink to try and make myself forget and feel better my husband who I’ve been with for 12 years isn’t a nice man he yells and screams at me everyday for no reason he has laid his hand on me before but I love him sometimes I drink to deal with his attitude my younger days I didn’t have a dad or a mom they was both lock up so I got to run the streets and done things I shouldn’t the lifestyle I’ve lived is what I know I started at 13 and never stop I feel that alcohol is part of me without it I’m lost when I think about not drinking I get worked up and end up drinking I feel if I’m gone nobody would care and my kids would be better off without me I’m a terrible person and mom I just want a normal life but can’t seem to find it alcohol has always been there for me

Nichole, my heart breaks for you dear girl that you feel that way. I think you are right that we get lost with alcohol, but I think we are both tired of being lost, and it’s time we both find a way to true happiness. Only when sober can we really be found. Stay strong 💜

Thanks Vipe, yes it was a real blast waking up with cut and bruises I have no recollection of. I am over it though and time to get on with it. I have a couple of days sober and feels good to be laying in bed and going to sleep sober. Onward together my friend😊

Nichole, I really hope you can get to know you for the special gift you are to this world. I know that sounds corny, but I believe God made us all for a purpose and obviously, one of your great purposes is to be a good mom to those precious kids. Break the dysfunctional cycle. Give your kids what your parents didn’t give you. I know it’s hard when you feel so broken at times, but there is help and healing out there. You’ve got to want it more than drinking. I don’t worry about labeling myself alcoholic or not. What I do know is I’m here posting because I’ve got an unhealthy relationship with wine, and I know it does me more harm than good.

Speaking of my unhealthy relationship, my AV has been loudly telling me to have a few glasses for my anniversary this week. Another last hurrah nudge from the ol’ addict. Help me gang. I’ve almost convinced myself to partake when my husband takes me out. Ugh. Out of the blue again. I had no intention of drinking. When will this bugger die?

Hi Donny! Welcome back. :c011:

Morning all.
Awww Donny sorry you had a rough time but good to see you back. You were missed!
Kgirk way to go 100 days!
Blusey, you are absolutely right, we cannot ever forget where alcohol took us and where it still wants us. My alcoholism wants me dead but will settle for jail or the gates of insanity!
Daisy, you are an inspiration as always . But I am ordering you to say No sometimes!
Vipe congrats on 6 days. Well 7 today! A whole week. Using those HOKAS to walk through a day at a time of sobriety and onwards to a better life! Sorry you are feeling bleugh cos of your shots but look on the bright side..at least you won't get rabies!!! Proud of you man!
Quit you are doing so well, remember alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful. The very poison that has been ruining your life is now trying to convince you to celebrate not taking it by taking it! Crazy. Just keep reminding yourself where that 1st drink will take you. Is it worth it?
Nichole, I felt the same as you. I felt I was destined to live my life drinking myself to death or into an insane asylum. The truth is we have to want to live sober more than we want to continue drinking. I am no expert but whatever it is you are doing isn't working so maybe it is time to look at different options? You mentioned rehab before? Perhaps a chat with your doctor would be a good start?
Hi Dee! Thanks for being here for us all!!

I am ok. I do have drinking thoughts daily. The real strong obsession to drink seems to have left me but I do have lots of thoughts throughout the day. It is exhausting but there is not much I can do to stop them popping into my head only how I react to them. I usually say the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Well I cannot change the fact I am an alcoholic and there is no such thing as 1 drink or a safe drink for me. That is a FACT. So let's just move on from that drinking thought! Phew! Hopefully they will dissipate over time the longer I am sober. Afterall I have been drinking for 20 plus years, I need to have a little patience. Something us alcoholics don't have much of lol!!

Anyway am glad to see you all here.

:grouphug:

I miss Super5onic and Lovehoops!

Morn all x

thanks for sharing nichole it must of been hard to do x u will find that day and own it xx hugs

donny god what a weekend u had x i had something similar happen to me on sunday evening involving drink but i was pushed and ended up smacking my head off something and bruises on shoulder and arm and sore neck. so im here on day 2 myself and working through this week to keep off drink as by sat i am off down to daughters. Keep ur chin up donny x

good to see everyone posts this morn x have a great day today if u can x

13.15

Good afternoon Aprils

So mad at myself, I just got half way through a post, got up to do something, leant on the mouse and lost it all. Grrrr. So here goes again...

Lovely to see you posting Kelley. I'm another one that never seems to get everything I want to do done, I always feel like I'm 10 steps behind everyone else.
My garden is looking okay thanks, but we've had a bit of rain on top of all that sunshine so the weeds are having a field day. Like you I made a pretty area to sit out in during the evenings but it just never happens, the only time I seem to sit down is when I'm having a rest and a cup of tea, plus all the bugs love me too.

Donny boy, I'm so happy to see you've posted, I missed you. I'm sorry you drank but I do love your honesty and the way that you've come back here. Please stop beating yourself up now, be a bit kinder to yourself. Recovery is not easy, it's like a winding path often filled with as many disappointments as successes, a relapse is just a minor setback on the longer path to a happier life in long term recovery. Stand up, brush yourself down, learn from what happened and move on from it. Think about what you can do to stop this from happening again and take action. xx

Day 7 Viper? :You_Rock_ that's awesome.
Thank you for the powerful and caring posts you written in reply to Nichole and Donny, I can only re-iterate all you've said.
;If I were you I'd get that 3rd shot out of the way, you're all done and dusted then. Those HOKAS are waiting.
Remember Viper, it's just for today, don't even think about tomorrow. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. x

Lovely to see you too Bluesey, I look forward to your posts. I hope you're not working too hard. About this boat of yours that we're all on, on good days we row and on bad days we row harder! Right?

Thanks for your input Dee and your honesty, I always appreciate whatever you have to say.

Nichole, big hugs, there is nothing more I can add to what the others have said, I agree with them all. Inside that little girl lost is a strong, warrior woman, you need to find her and let her out. I know you can do this, you just need to start believing in yourself.

Hi Quit, when the A.V is pecking my head I find it helpful to go back to my first posts and read them. I think you'll find you really don't want to go back there. You can do this, play the song to the end, it isn't a good tune. This feeling will pass.

Hi Suze, I love your posts and look forward to them. I am trying to learn how to say no, honestly I really am trying, I'm just not very successful yet. I always feel so guilty. I'm trying to tell myself that if people can do things them selves then let them and only say yes if they need help because they are struggling to do it themselves. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I know what I mean, lol.
I'm sure those drinking thoughts will lessen in time, for me too, we have to remember that we were drinking for many years, those thoughts are not going to just disappear overnight. The serenity prayer, Suzy I must say it at least 40 times a day for various reasons, lol. It's become my mantra.

Great to see you posting Erratic, ouch I bet that hurt. I hope you're okay. I bet you're on countdown to Saturday. Don't forget to keep posting.

I'm worried about Lovehoops, Sunshine Love and Rowlands. Can you 3 please check in soon.

This morning when I did my usual mum run and dropped her in town, I drove past 4 men stood on a certain corner, swigging cans of cheap beer, one of them had a bandage round his head and a big eye patch, it was about 9.20 a.m and I presume they were from the nearby homeless hostel, they looked like proper down and outs. I thought to myself 'there but for the grace of God, goes I,' then I thought some more. I own my house, I have a nice car, I have holidays, I have no debts, I'm fortunate. Alcoholism doesn't discriminate, rich or poor, black or white, thin or fat, I am just the same as those 4 men, 5 alcoholics, 1 more fortunate than the others. Just saying.

Thought for the day..... I know you’re tired, I know you feel like giving up, but you’re not going to. You know why? Because you are strong, and when you’ve survived through all the sh!t your alcoholism has put you through, you can survive recovery.

Much love to you all. xxx