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I've often found this passage to be fruitful for meditation:

Gilmer - Carpe Diem!

Thanks for sharing the lessons you’re learning. I think it’s generous of you to share what you’re learning!

Thanks, Glee!

Well said, Glee.

I'm also glad that the dread does 180's, GG.

Hi, all...

Hi folks. I feel like I haven't been around much lately -- maybe that's not so much how often I'm posting, as the comparison between how often I'm thinking of everyone, and how often I'm posting. Like, I'm thinking very often, 10 times as often as I post. Mostly thinking about Gilmer. I don't have a lot to say on that count, but I'm thinking. Maybe feeling ;/ Y'all are important to me.

xx

(((((Cour)))))

^^^ hi sweetpea

Agreed, Courage...thinking and feeling. It's raw for me...think I'm moving toward acceptance...not that easy. Plenty of time to play, just with a heavy heart.
Kathy, you're truly authentic.
Love ya,
Matt

Thanks, Carlos.

I just wrote this on the March 2013 thread.

I was dreaming of multiple successive tornadoes on the horizon last night. I watched as each one formed, and I kept watching to see if any of them would be perfectly formed, where it reached all the way to the ground.

((((Courage)))) - Feeling a range of painful or heavy emotions is not always easy. Add to that I’m a worrier, and I wonder if it’ll ever get better. Family, friends, colleagues, folks in recovery cant take it away, but they can be a companion for me through the rocky passages.

Thaw quote you shared is helpful for me too. I’m glad you posted it. Unfortunately this week I gossiped, and I also complained a lot about approaches other people were taking.

I referred back to your post when my mind started wandering towards negativity during the day. It allowed me to have quick refocus on what I’m grateful for, instead of things that I can’t control.

Furthermore, I was able to carry the message forward. A couple of my more trusted colleagues confided they were feeling frustrated by office politics. One colleague is annoyed by the same stuff as me. Another was feeling picked on for immaterial things by their manager. When they talked it through with me, I shared what I was doing to get myself through my own frustrations this week, and reminded them we need to stay on course, figure out the kernel of truth in the feedback, believe in ourselves, and focus on the positive.

I’m not cantankerous know it all, but when people are big ego I tend to put up a wall. I don’t want to hear it. By opening my mind to what they had to say (instead of being annoyed at the way they said it) I opened to doing things a little differently, and ome people on my team really responded well. Opening my mind is helping me meet my teams needs. Ultimately they are my customer and i cant succeed without them!

I wish I didn’t have these walls and tiggers that make normal give and take so complicated. Maybe I need to give that one to the universe/higher power now?

For my weight loss journey this week I did a lot of emotional carb loading. I had an NSV meeting exercise goals. Onward!

Thank you, Kathy for sharing your journey with us. It really means a lot.

Enjoyed a kick-ass online recovery meeting yesterday. Really adds a whole new dimension to my life.

Heading to another card show this morning.

Life is good.

^^^ :) :) :)

That’s great, FBL.

Had my first "clinker" of an online meeting last night. It's a mens-only meeting...should've been called a "let's sit around and bitch about women" meeting. Lots of anger was expressed. They were all amazed when I said I was happily single. I think I will avoid this particular meeting in the future. If nothing else, it reaffirmed my choice to avoid romantic entanglements! :)

Lol!

Along the lines of romance, I went fishing with my ABF last night, who drank wine before dinner and was on whiskey # 4/5 (I drove).

It was great, caught three 4-5 pound wide mouth bass. The spot where we went fishing was the last day I drank. I said as much, and he replied, “sounds like a personal problem!”

“I said, yes, it was”

Feeling annoyed and unsure about how I feel dating an ABF


How do you go on online meetings?


:headbange

Great to see you, Free!

As you place a higher priority on your sobriety and grow accordingly, you will have a clearer mind to see whether the relationship is worth maintaining.

Sounds like he’s a little annoyed at you for not drinking with him?

Free, hello!

I would think that it will be challenging to say the least to be involved with an ABF while striving to not personally drink. As Gilmer said above, things will become more self evident as your sobriety progresses.

Guess they can't all be winners FBL! How was the card show?

Closing shifts the past two nights and up early to take my son to work. Finished a schedule and now have to work on my annual self review. Not to mention grocery shopping and laundry. It appears to be a busy day off.

Have a good day all!

Tell them you’re great, SG!

Hi, Gang.

I was in a fire-breathing frustrated mood before I went out to dinner.

I got some good food in me and lo and behold, eliminating the “hungry” part of HALTS helped greatly to eliminate the “stress” part.

Then I came to SR and got gratuitously silly on the Weekender thread, and now all my cares are gone!

It’s true what they say: remedy “hungry, angry, lonely, or tired” and the “stress” will go away!

And plug into a good support system to bolster goodwill and connection to other humans.

^^^ I find a square of dark chocolate at 4 p.m. helps me through cocktail hour considerably.

The book is making progress. I've been meeting my word count daily -- actually almost double today, at 2200 words. Unfortunately part of that is just because one of my chapters keeps getting longer and longer beyond my expectations. So although I'm racking up the words on the page, I'm not getting any closer to finished. Well, slightly closer to finished.

It's enjoyable though. Sometimes I truly achieve flow. Very good for the head. When I come out, nothing phases me.

I’m glad the logjam is broken. :)

Glad the book is coming along Courage!

I hope that you are making full use of your new recliner Kathy!

Happy the baseball cards arrived at the post office FBL. That must have been a frustrating wait.

Been working nights all week and getting up early to take my son to work. My sleep schedule is unusually messed up, and I am up after four hours of sleep. Hopefully will catch up soon. Will be in Hoboken NJ tomorrow night for our annual company party. I used to look forward to these events and the free booze all night long, but now these events are more something to endure. I don't drink and don't dance, so watching a roomful of folks getting wasted is not my idea of a great time. At least we get a good meal out of it. I wanted to get up there early and take a train to NYC, but of course DW has things scheduled in the morning and therefore we will probably just make it before dinner.

Have a good day all!

Hoboken's a good town. Maybe you can sneak out of the dance hall and go down to the waterfront walkway. I'll be waving from the other side :) :wavey:

Following Kathy's journey on her thread and her amazing attitude towards it is so inspiring and uplifting. It really puts our little drinking and life issues in perspective, doesn't it? I for one have really been at a loss of words recently.

Life is fleeting in the grand scheme of things. A manager from my company was gunned down in her store by a crazy over the weekend. You leave your home in the morning and never know if you are preordained to complete the journey back. The randomness of life always has always made me question things. Since Kathy announced her diagnosis, I have been thinking a lot about death, and life, and the life after. I have no desire to leave this ball of rock we call Earth, but I have made plans to insure that my family will be taken care of financially if my trip home is ever permanently derailed. That would be my biggest fear I feel. Kathy has inspired a sense of peace that the end doesn't have to be tragic, in fact, it possibly can be freeing. I would love to use Kathy's new found spirit and live my life in a different light, a fuller appreciation of the beauty of it all. As this weekend has shown, one never knows when it's time to move on.

As some of you know, I was very close to my Dad. He was truly my hero in life. When I watched him take his last breath, I underwent a profound change. I no longer fear death. I also no longer sweat the small stuff, at least not like I used to. He taught me many lessons on how to live, his greatest lesson might have been showing me how to die.

Thank you SG.

FBL: :ring

Life can be excellent; if you keep your eyes open, you can see many interesting components that are worth investing in.

One of the biggest problems with alcohol is that it drives a wedge between us and life in its purest form.

At best we dilute life when we drink our way through it.

Well said Gilmer.

I’ve been at a loss for words lately too, SG.

I’m sorry about the loss of your colleague. I feel like your team is fortunate to have a sober leader at the helm as they work through their reactions to the senseless tragedy.

It’s been a topsy turvy day for me. Most notably news broke today that there were 4 arrests for child endangerment at the day care center where I used to work. I don’t know what to think: It was considered the top preschool in town, but I didn’t love working there.

Weight loss process is stalled.

I guess I feel like I’m in neutral.

'Hang in' will work when there doesn't seem much other reason or gratification. It's 95% of what works for me. :grouphug:

I'm going away for a few days -- see you all on my return.

xxoo